But where's the Berth Certificate?

Leftenant Kerry reporting as ordered.....

John, John, John…..whatever are we going to do with you? If the likes of you, with your dead-fish demeanor and brains of a houseplant, and dear departed Scuba Ted (and his Miraculous Submersible Oldsmobile Delmont), are examples of good Massachusetts breeding the Bay State is well and truly fucked.

What am I talking about, dear readers? It seems that Cap'n Swift Boat, John Kerry, bought hisself a boat.

Kerry, who honed his yachting skills on a little river patrol boat in Vietnam, just dropped a reported seven MILLION dollars on a 76-foot luxury sailing yacht named Isabel, and plans to berth it where?

Nantucket? Nope.

Boston? No way.

Newburyport? Not even close.

Then where, damn you?

Try Newport, Rhode Island….

You know, Rhode Island. That little state that’s a suburb of Massachusetts.

If the Isabel were kept at Mister Personality's summer vacation home on Nantucket or in Boston Harbor near his city residence, he would be liable for $437,500 in one-time sales taxes. He would also have to pay $70,000 in annual excise taxes. Rhode Island repealed those taxes in 1993. That has made the state something of a nautical tax haven. Before long, every inch of their coastline will hold some rich dude's boat. And none of them will live there; they'll all actually reside in Miami to escape the income taxes.

Kerry spokesman David Wade said Friday the boat is being kept at Newport Shipyard not to evade taxes, but "for long-term maintenance, upkeep and charter purposes." So, we’re gonna sail it around, but claim it on taxes as a business expense? Way to go, Johnny Boy. And you Dems bitch about greedy capitalists?

Let’s note that the Kerrys use a holding company, Great Point LLC of Pittsburgh, childhood home of his wife Teresa (pronounced T’RAYzuh, darling), to hold ownership of the yacht. That allows them to save paying even more in taxes to the Massachusetts State Treasury. He also avoided the higher taxes on the construction of his yacht by having it built overseas in New Zealand. It is funny that his votes to raise taxes on the rich have hurt and mostly destroyed the luxury yacht-building industry in the United States, and have sent American jobs, and the money of rich Americans (like John Kerry) overseas. His own state is cash-strapped, and boat builders in his own state (and all over America) are out of work, and he has his floating palace built half a world away. It's not really his money, though. His wife is heiress to the Heinz fortune. You gotta push a lotta ketchup to be able to pull your yacht up to the pier & ask for Grey Poupon.

Aforementioned spokesweasel Wade noted the vessel was designed by Rhode Island boat designer Ted Fontaine and purchased in the state. That's all fine & dandy, but she was built in New Zealand by Friendship Yachts. The Isabel has two VIP main cabins, a Victorian glossy teak interior, and a wet bar and cold wine storage in the pilothouse. Of course, since one simply cannot sail sober. What would the Kennedys say? It is billed as a “departure from the norm in the opulent world of yachting” and designed to be piloted without a crew. So you get shitfaced and hope you set the autopilot right...I thought that's why you effete hoity-toity bastards had crews on your yachts?

Cap’n John denies that he’s skating out on any taxes, and then when he catches flak for it, he shits his pants and cracks under pressure. (Dude, how the hell did you ever get a Silver Star? Oh yeah, you were connected...)

"Let's get this straight," an impatient Kerry told WBZ TV in Boston on Monday. "I've said consistently we will pay our taxes, we have always paid our taxes. It's not an issue, period. . . . There's nothing more to say about it." Pressed by reporters at an event at the South Weymouth Naval Air Station, Kerry then said to his driver, "Can I get out of here, please?" according to WBZ.

Dude, if the boat is kept out of state for at least the first six months you avoid the sales tax and then only the annual tax applies if you berth it there. Who the hell are you trying to kid? You make it sound like you’re gonna be magnanimous and just donate the tax money like some benevolent saint. However, as you resemble more closely the spectre of Death, your words are hollow. You owe no taxes currently and thus will actually pay fuck-all. It’s just words to placate the masses.

You arrogant bastard; you actually think that us peasants are too stupid to see through the bullshit. “I say, T’RAYzuh, if I tell them I’ll pay what’s owed, they’ll believe I paid taxes out of sheer benevolence while we pocket the money in a secret account in the Caymans set up by Charlie Rangel…”

I bet if you sailed that shiny new toy past Somalia, the pirates would take one look at you and think you were closer to death than they are and let you go….but that would require actual sailing skills, and your fellow Swift Boat veterans from the ‘Nam didn’t exactly give you glowing recommendations.

Back when Kerry ran for President, reporters tracked down as many of his former crewmates as they could find to ask if they thought he'd be fit to be Commander in Chief. Of 19 guys in this picture with Kerry, only one of the crewmen contacted said he was fit. Glowing recommendations indeed....

Your taxes on that thing are nearly twice my yearly salary at my blue collar job. I applaud the fact that despite the best efforts of you and your Democrat cronies, Massachusetts has only a 9% unemployment rate. I’m sure the unemployed people of the Bay State take comfort in knowing that their Senator can afford such filthy lucre in these difficult times….I think it’s only fair that you offer free boat rides to the poor huddled masses amongst your constituency if you can see them as you look down your nose.

Trust me, Senator, the feeling's mutual....