Everybody's Ducking Around

PROLOGUE: One of the hassles of writing this blog is that I am not a full time writer. I don't get paid to write although I dearly wish I did. In the interim, until some kindly benefactor comes along willing to pay me, I have a day job and a two-hour plus commute that cuts into my writing time. This gives me lots of time to think and conceive articles but precious little time to actually write them as cogent articles. I always fear that my articles are not timely and will go unnoticed by the public as being old news. On the plus side, I am not a breaking news writer; I am an opinion giver and keen observer of the human condition. I don't spend my day coursing the news sites looking for the hottest trending Drudge blurb or Fox News tidbit to blog about. I ingest, I absorb, I process, and then tell you what my carefully considered judgement is. This article below started almost two weeks ago and due to the insanity of the holiday season and the exceedingly fluid nature of the situation had to be constantly put on hold and re-edited as time allowed. Plus, I lost some of it this morning in a glitch. So here it is, gang. Like a good bourbon, please enjoy responsibly.

A couple years back, as the Redneck Renaissance was beginning (see my article here) the enterprising souls over at A&E (which ostensibly stood once for Arts & Entertainment) decided to jump on the reality TV bandwagon with a little show about these bearded bayou backwater boys who had parlayed a quacking call for duck hunting into a multimillion dollar empire. It was no big secret going in that the family behind the business was deeply, fervently, outspokenly, and almost fanatically religious. In my humble, yet oft-times correct, opinion, A&E sought to turn a buck off some simple country hicks who wore camo every day despite having money falling out of their asses, who had high-maintenance-looking wives despite looking like roadies for ZZ Top, a family led by a guy who once had Terry Bradshaw as his backup QB in college and gave up an NFL career chance to go duck hunting, people who ended their episodes gathered around the dinner table engaged in serious and earnest prayer to their Christian deity. I think A&E sought to poke fun at their simple ways in a world of Kardashians and Backdoor Teen Moms, and if it made money so be it. Wouldn't be the first time, or last, that limousine liberals in New York City decided to pad their wallets at the expense of Conservative Christians from the South. I say, Muffy, look at the bearded Neanderthal...

(For the record, I've never seen a full episode of the show. I get my Cajun redneck fix by watching Swamp People instead.)

Much to their surprise, the show quickly became the runaway mega-hit of cable TV. Fans of the show clamored for the second season, which was delayed when the family held out for more money. See, most reality shows on cable pay the participants peanuts until the show gets HUGE. The gang over at the Honey Boo Boo enclave did the same thing when their show took off too.

Ever crafty & wily, the Roberston clan flipped the script on the city slickers, and once the yummy bait was swallowed they set the hook and yanked back hard. You want us back to make money off us, yer gonna pay out.

Well, ratings were sky high for cable and A&E paid out, and fans went batshit cray-cray for the return of Duck Dynasty. Pretty soon, show merchandise was EVERYWHERE. Hats, shirts, bobbleheads, DVDs, a freakin' Christmas cd, bedroom slippers, books, games, birthday cards, glassware, blankets, damn near everything you can think of has the Duck Dynasty logo on it. And while the Roberston family makes money hand over fist from Duck Commander (and the spinoff Buck Commander for deer hunting) the name Duck Dynasty is owned by A&E so they get the bulk of the ducats gleaned from the average consumer who think to support his favorite show.

And last week, family patriarch Phil Robertson kinda threw sand in the proverbial Vaseline.

In an interview with GQ Magazine (seriously? GQ? I guess they ran out of chiseled Adam Levine and Channing Tatum  clones in immaculate overpriced Armani suits to interview), Phil said a couple things that sent the world of liberals on FIRE. As a devout Bible-thumping Christian fond of spouting his beliefs, who says he and his family's men folk sport those giant beards because baby Jesus said not to shave,  he said the following: “It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical."

The man didn't say "I hate faggots and want to kill them all". The man didn't say "Gays have no right to live." The man didn't say "We should all beat gays with baseball bats and put them in concentration camps." The man said, basically, that in his opinion, he didn't understand why men would prefer a man's parts over a women's, albeit saying it rather inelegantly. In his world view, based upon his Christian belief structure, homosexuality is a sin and he doesn't understand it.

Needless to say, the liberal mainstream media went apeshit regardless.

Then Phil was asked in his interview what in his mind constituted sin.

GQ: "What, in your mind, is sinful?"
PR: “Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men,” he says.
He didn't say gays folks were into bestiality or that homosexuality and bestiality were interchangeable, as the media is portraying it. The man said that homosexuality, bestiality, and sexual promiscuity were all sins in his view.

The man didn't say homosexuals were into bestiality, despite what the liberal mainstream media claims and despite what GLAAD says and despite what ill-informed people (99% of whom have NOT read the interview) out there are being spoon-fed and then regurgitating all over social media. The man merely said that in his eyes, homosexuality, bestiality, and sexual promiscuity were sinful acts. And, of course, the other quote that came later in the interview, the one the media wants you to overlook and ignore, was,  “We never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love ’em, give ’em the good news about Jesus—whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ’em out later, you see what I’m saying?”. So they love the sinner but hate the sin, which is no shock to anyone even remotely familiar with Christian dogma.

However, we have the inevitable shitstorm stirred up like an ant hill by the media. And of course, like any good limousine liberal organization, A&E knee-jerked and issued a statement that they were suspending Phil from the show indefinitely, because they need to be politically correct. And then Cracker Barrel jumped on the bandwagon and said they were removing Duck Dynasty items from their store gift shops.

The backlash from conservative Christian America has been immediate and intense. Within hours hundreds of thousands of people had joined a Facebook group supporting Phil. Twitter exploded with posts calling for boycotts of Cracker Barrel and A&E in support of Phil and his First Amendment Right to Freedom of Speech. This has been unbelievably polarizing on social media.

Of course, Sarah Palin weighed in on Phil's side, because when the Liberal Media wants to question a Republican Mouthpiece, Palin never fails to volunteer. She simply can't resist. And then they trash her as soon as she's off camera.  And Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal is on Phil's side, not just because both are Conservatives. That TV show brings a lot of money to his state, and other shows like Swamp People, Swamp Pawn, Cajun Pawn Stars, Bayou Billioniares, and Sons of Guns. There's big revenue in reality TV. Jobs, taxes, local purchases, tourism...and it's the Governor's job to promote the state economy. His support isn't just common politics, it's good politics.

One of my friends posted an article on Facebook that pretty much sums up the liberal view on things. Funny thing is though, is that my friend is generally mostly Conservative with Libertarian leanings so posting this wildly liberal progressive article kinda floored me. The author of the article, one Allen Clifton, basically said that the suspension of Roberston wasn't a free speech issue but rather an employer taking an employee to task for making them look bad. "The suspension of Phil Robertson is not an attack on Robertson’s right to believe how he wants.  It’s a consequence from an employer for him expressing an opinion which A&E feels represents them in a negative light.".

But really, Phil doesn't work for A&E. He works for himself and for Duck Commander, and A&E is just making money off him. Yes, they have a working relationship and there are legal contracts between them but he's not a standard run of the mill A&E employee. He's doing them a much bigger favor than they're doing him. He doesn't need that show and he really doesn't need their money. He said in the GQ article that he knows it isn't going to last forever: "Let’s face it,” he says. “Three, four, five years, we’re out of here. You know what I’m saying? It’s a TV show. This thing ain’t gonna last forever. No way.". But yeah, I'll grant that A&E felt that they needed to backpedal away from the interview when they felt that their Golden Cash Cow was a bull in a china shop and that people were going to misconstrue his statements immediately. Funny thing is....they had a PR person there when the interview was going on and somehow no one stepped in and said "Hey, Phil, you may wanna dial it back a bit", or "This is Phil's opinion and not the opinion of A&E". In fact, all they really had to do was issue a statement saying that these weren't the views of A&E and that while his show is on their network Phil's views are his alone and not ours. But no, that makes too much effing sense. Instead, it's easier to just say you're suspending him. More on THAT later...

The liberal article then went on to try and compare Phil's suspension to the firing of Alec Baldwin by MSNBC for his anti-gay rants and for Martin Bashir resigning from MSNBC after his attacks on Sarah Palin. A quote from the article:

 Just ask Alec Baldwin or Martin Bashir, two gentlemen who were fired (well, Bashir “resigned” but it’s clear he was forced to do so) for expressing their “freedom of speech” rights.  Hell, weren’t conservatives calling for Bashir’s firing?  So it’s absolutely hypocritical that they’re outraged by Robertson’s suspension.  Especially considering Bashir only had derogatory words for Sarah Palin whereas Robertson ignorantly bashed tens of millions of homosexuals. And Alec Baldwin’s show was canceled for anti-LGBT remarks as well.  I didn’t see many conservatives up in arms about that — but clearly it’s all about whose ox is being gored now, isn’t it?

Oh, bullshit. Or is it ox shit? Alec Baldwin's show was failing in the ratings so badly it might have had fewer viewers than people who've signed up for Obamacare. And he continuously goes off on hateful anti-gay rants when confronted by paparazzi, calling them faggots and queens all day long and threatening their very lives, something I don't recall Phil Robertson doing in any way, shape, or form. Baldwin's a crazed loose cannon and has been for years, and gets away with it because he's PART of the liberal media. They worship him and love him and he's ONE OF THEM, and only after conservatives pointed out his continual gay bashing and psychotic episodes that MSNBC realized they could disguise his firing for bad ratings as sticking up for gays. To them it was a w2in-win. And Bashir did indeed pick on Sarah Palin. Only his remarks were a bit more than "derogatory". Whereas Phil Robertson didn't single out any specific person in his statements, Martin Bashir attacked Palin directly and (I paraphrase) said that someone should shit in her mouth and piss in her eyes. That's a bit more than saying I don't agree with your sexual orientation over my religious beliefs.

And tens of millions of homosexuals? Even the patently liberal Huffington Post said in 2011 that the gay population in the US was maybe four million. Four is not tens. And actually not all of Gay America is hating on Phil...

Yeah, I know there can be consequences for exercising your right to free speech. But in today's America, this only applies to consequences against evil white conservatives and Christians. Anyone else can say or do whatever they want with ZERO repercussions, or at least no repercussions that aren't meaningless window dressing. Baldwin will get on TV again in short order. So will Bashir. Al Jazeera is hiring and I hear they're really tolerant of gays and other minorities. The Tolerant Left is anything but...
 
Funny, but the media is neglecting to quote Phil Robertson from his statement released after the interview when he said, "However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other.” . Wow, that sounds pretty hateful, doesn't it?

Speaking of hate speech, it didn't take long for a cockroach to come scurrying into the limelight when famed adulterous coke-addled whore-monger and noted trainwreck Charlie Sheen weighed in on the issue on Twitter. Oh wait, isn't he billing himself as Carlos Estevez now in films? I'm not sure even he knows who he is anymore. Anyways....

Full Text:

hey Mallard brained Phil Robertso!
you have offended and hurt so many dear friends of mine,
who DO NOT have the voice or the outreach that I do.
well news flash shower-dodger,
I will speak loudly and clearly for ALL of them.
so, just when your desperately sub evolved ass thought the pressure was off,
you are now in the crosshairs of a MaSheen style media beat down.
(I’ll try to keep the big words to a minimum as not to confuse you)

your statements were and are abhorrently and mendaciously unforgivable.

the idea that you have a job outside of dirt-clod stacking is a miracle.

the only ‘Dynasty’ you are attached to might be the re-runs of that dated show.

the only thing you should ever be in charge of building is a hole in the ground the exact size of your head.
perhaps your beard would fit as well if you plucked out the
army of scabies and bull weevils sequestered deep in it’s sarcophagus of dander and weasel pelts.

shame on you.
you’re the only surviving brain donor I’ve ever known.

when the gators and Egrets kick you out of their hovel,
you need to make serious amends to those you have radically offended.

on the eight day when I was whittling my cosmic banjo,
I’m pretty sure YOU were the scattered dross I then used to light a fire and
locate the nearest Andy Gump.

repulsed by you;
c sheen

hash tag;
Duck; that was me

The Gods of Grammar verily weep. Actually, your friends DO have the same voice and outreach you do, because they just call you and you parrot their wishes. Tell you what, Chuckles...you have bigger things to worry about. Are you off house arrest or probation yet? How's the latest engagement to a porn star going? How goes the custody battles for your kids?  Phil Robertson has a degree and a thriving business and you have whores & coke dealers on speed dial. Move along.

Sadly, that drug does not tell you that it's a boll weevil, not bull.

I would further mention that Motley Crue frontman Nikki Sixx had some sort of blathering statement too, but that would imply that he is even relevant these days. I assure you, he is not.

Now, Phil also had something else supposedly controversial to say in the GQ piece that has the NAACP up in arms. Then again, the National Association of Always Complaining People always looks for anything to cry racism about. Phil, about growing up in Louisiana in the days before the Civil Rights movement, said:

“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I’m with the blacks, because we’re white trash. We’re going across the field.... They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’—not a word!... Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.”

All Phil said was that he did not personally witness black people being maltreated and that as he was a poor white kid not of any social standing, he worked the fields right alongside them. He found them to be happy people, religious people, and not bemoaning of their lives or blaming Whitey for their woes, which so much of Left-Controlled Black America does today while collecting government handouts. Where in the above-quoted words did Phil Robertson say anything derogatory towards blacks? He didn't, but if a Conservative white man says ANYTHING connected to Blackdom he's instantly a racist. It's the Liberal Way. In fact, if a white Christian conservative American says ANYTHING about ANYTHING, he or she is a bigoted homophobic racist while everyone else gets a free ride.

But in Hollywood,  Gay is the new Black. Much the way everyone rallied for blacks to gain their rights in the 60s, the new popular Cause célèbre is gay rights, but the NAACP just hates competition from others claiming to be downtrodden and as soon as the focus went Gay, they had to jump on the bandwagon. That means that the Self Appointed Spokesweasel for All Blackness, disgraced psuedo-preacher Jesse Jackson, had to get himself in the spotlight, decrying Phil as being worse than Rosa Parks' bus driver and actually DEMANDING a meeting with both A&E and Cracker Barrel. Why Cracker Barrel? Because once the fur started flying they backpedaled in a hurry and returned Duck Dynasty gear back to their shelves quick, fast, and in a hurry.

Hey, Jesse, no one buys your Race Baiting crap anymore. You claim to be a man of the cloth, but you're also a known adulterer who fathered a child with your mistress, was recently caught up in a scandal where you harassed and wrongfully terminated a gay staffer who facilitated a possible affair with another woman, who once said he wanted to cut Obama's nuts off and accused Obama of being too white. You're a sorry excuse for a clergyman and an even sorrier excuse for a human being.

Has anyone bothered to as The Empress of The Blackosphere, Queen Oprah the Benevolent, what she thinks? I'm sure she has tons to say. After all, she can say racist things and get a Presidential Medal of Freedom from a man who tarnishes his Nobel Peace Prize at every turn. At least so far Al Sharpton has shown enough sense to keep his cake-hole shut.

Look, this could all could have just been a publicity stunt for A&E that went horribly wrong...or horribly right. There was a massive backlash on A&E for the suspension. Millions more people were in favor of Phil than against him. In that regard one could say it went wrong. But millions of people were suddenly talking about A&E, a network I myself only watch for the show Bad Ink, and in that, publicity-wise it went right. Someone once said no publicity was bad publicity.

Phil has been reinstated by A&E. People are all over social and anti-social media chanting "We Won!" and claiming victory over the evil leftist swine, but I think it's a hollow victory. You see, these episodic reality shows take months to film and edit. For example, Swamp People is starting a new season in February (a month earlier than they usually do). The gator hunting season in Louisiana runs the last couple weeks of August through the first couple weeks of September, depending on your region of the state. It's taken them this long to edit down all the footage into airable episodes. The new episodes of Duck Dynasty that begin airing in mid-January were filmed in the summer and fall. All you folks running around like the proverbial headless chicken worried about how the show could go on filming without Papa Phil are either naive or stupid.

The season is in the can, as they say, filmed months ago and editing is done. Phil is in those episodes. It was a GIVEN that he'd be reinstated before the new season to keep up this farcical facade that the shows are filmed as they air. And now he's reinstated and more new episodes can be filmed for later viewing. After all, money talks and even those asshats at A&E could hear the moo of their cash cow fading in the distance.

For the record, I'm not the typical conservative. I'm not religious at all and I'm more than okay with homosexuals and gay marriage. It's my belief that being gay is not a choice and that you can't help who you fall in love with and that if two consenting adults wish to marry, good on them. And if that happens to be a sin against some Almighty deity, then that's between the alleged sinners and the aforementioned deity, an account to be settled in the Afterlife by sinner and deity, not by me.

It's all been a wondrous smoke & mirrors distraction, really. It's been slow news around the holidays and it gave the conservative media something to discuss on the talk shows besides the usual fodder, and it provided the Left with a distraction from Congress screwing military retirees, from the utter disaster of Obamacare, from Obama releasing Gitmo detainees to go back to killing Americans, from Obama using drones to kill civilians at weddings in Yemen because a terrorist might have been in the party, and Congress passing a law to detain Americans indefinitely, while Obama and his retinue are on a four million dollar vacay in Hawaii...no wonder this country is headed down the crapper.