Thursday, March 4, 2010

You knew it was coming......



....................................................................I couldn't resist...........................................................




What happens when you take a wild animal, capture it, throw it into captivity, force it to do unnatural tricks to amuse snot-nosed kids and fat tourists in ugly shirts and sandals, breed it (usually artificially, and confine it to an artificial environment much smaller than its natural habitat?

Often, it just enjoys that safe sedentary lifestyle. But then you have the rare occasion when one of them SNAPS and becomes a special on Fox, ie: When Chinchillas Attack....



It kinda makes me wonder if they get a little bored and just need to revert back to their instinctual behaviors....like the chimp that snapped and tried to eat the face off that lady last year.

People act so freakin' shocked when a wild animal reverts to its natural behaviors. Was it
really that surprising when one of Sigfried & Roy's tigers finally put one of them in intensive care?


So, really, how can we all be so shocked that something called a KILLER whale might suddenly get tired of jumping on command and licking the sweaty faces of theme-park goers for a couple frozen-assed mackeral chunks and do something drastic? I mean, let's be realistic. It's got a huge mouth full of teeth as big as your fist. It's frighteningly intelligent. It hunts in groups or solo. It's not called the Cuddly Whale. It's not the Might Hurt You Whale. It's not a Bruiser Whale, Nibbler Whale, or Bump You Whale. It's a KILLER whale.

Now of course, we have one who's a serial killer whale. Tillikum is now suspected of having killed at least three people. Something keeps setting off Talcum the Homicide Whale....and folks were all worried that they might euthanize one of the the largest & oldest orcas in captivity. Ummm, are you expecting them to Free Willy his ass & just set him loose? Are you high?

What happens when you let loose a human who has a history of violent behaviors? They have a tendency to do things like, oh, say....rape and murder and shit like that. They just found a 17-year old girl in a shallow grave in California and the suspect in custody is a convicted sex offender. Who didn't see that coming? So you wanna let loose a moody whale with a homicidal streak to roam the oceans of the world like a cetacean version of Jason Vorhees? WTF?

I love whales. I find them beautiful and fascinating. But I'm not about to stick my head into one's mouth.

By the way...after all that effort, good old freed Willy (Keiko) still died a little more than a year after being set free, after millions of dollars and six years of re-training in how to be a wild orca again. He stopped eating and became lethargic after contracting pneumonia, beached himself, and died.

So, just in case you're one of those wingnut PETA douchebags who want our Finned Freddy Kreuger to roam free after many years of captivity and three deaths, and for those of you who think killer whales are all soft & plush & cuddly, here's some reality...




Look at the cuddly Shamu battering the shit out of those cuddly dolphins and porpoises before eating them....




Hey kids, next time you wanna see Shamu do a trick for a frozen hunk of cod, think of how he'd rather climb up on the beach to eat a delicious & cuddly seal...


Grey whale, the other other white meat. Nom, nom, nom, nom......




Special thanks to SteeBow in Daytona, who helps me give pics the Obamination Treatment.

8 comments:

jms1 said...

Some days I'd kill Flipper for a tuna sammich...

Krystal said...

I've been to Sea World. I've wondered what exactly they'd do if one of the Orcas went nuts with a little kid standing there petting it for a photo op.

No way. No how. I'd let my kid do that. It's like saying, "Here, honey, go pet the ferocious lion!"

j summ said...

for shame! everyone knows that rosie odonnell is more walrus than killer whale like.

Steve: The Lightning Man said...

John, believe it or not, I *still* have that pin from my jacket....

Brooke said...

That first pic is brilliant!

I've always puzzled at thinking you can truly tame a wild animal. It's just a disaster waiting to happen.

Steve: The Lightning Man said...

Even a chihuahua can snap....

I personally could never own a pit bull, despite what everyone says about how you have to make them mean. I think I can fend off my Dachshund and my Chi-Yorkie better than I could a 100-pound death machine.

Brooke said...

Dude, they're not death machines! I have one. She's a 50 lbs baby.

We got her from the pound and she was very fearful, clearly someone had tried to make her mean by beating her A LOT.

She ADORES the kids and if you put a treat in front of her, she'd figure out how to do long division.

Petey never bit Buckwheat, dude. :)

Steve: The Lightning Man said...

Okay, I don't mean for it to be a complete blanket statement on all of them; my cousin has one too and she's great with their toddler. They just make me extremely nervous. I'm also a bit leery of owning an Akita, or a Chow, almost for the liability should one snap. True, a lotta Dachshunds have been known to snap & get cranky as they get older, but I'll still take my chances with 20 pounds and 9 inches tall over 100 pounds LOL