And they said Plaxico means "peaceful"?

Back in December, you may recall that I read the riot act to NFL-star-turned-idiot Plaxico Burress.
(see http://mojosteve.blogspot.com/2008/12/is-that-gun-in-youre-pants-or-are-you.html)

Well, if you missed it and are too lazy to go read it, Burress was illegally carrying a concealed handgun in a New York City club and it went off, shooting him in the thigh.

Moron.

Well, yesterday our errant genius and one-time Super Bowl star accepted a plea bargain with a two-year prison sentence. With time off for good behavior, Burress will likely serve 20 months. He will be monitored during an additional two years of supervised release. Afterwards, he’ll act all contrite, make a couple of insincere PSA's, and then be allowed back into the NFL where some desperate team that needs a receiver on the cheap will snag him up.

Think I’m full of shit? Just look no further than quarterback-turned-convict-turned-quarterback-again Michael Vick, who lost his multi-million dollar contracts with the Falcons and with sponsors after being busted for running a dog fighting operation. In fact, he had to pay back the Falcons $20 million bucks. He served his time, worked a construction job making even less than me while living in a halfway house upon his release, and was just signed by the Philadelphia Eagles, making far more than me.


Millions and millions of dollars and you had nothing better to do than watch two agitated animals kill each other?

Moron.

And while we’re at it, I may as well kick another football hero in his proverbial cherries, even though he’s dead and can’t defend himself. Call me crass and callous, but I had no sympathy for Steve McNair. His wife and kids? Yes. Him? No.

Dude had a wife and two young kids, in addition to two other kids, and instead of being at home with them, he was out with his 20-year-old mistress. She’d just been busted 2 days prior driving an Escalade registered in both their names while under the influence (underaged no less) and was suspicious that he was dicking around on her as well as his wife…so she grabbed up the handgun that she’s just bought from a convicted murderer and killed him and then herself.

Morons.

What is it with high-dollar football stars? Practices aside, you work for four hours one day a week for less than five months. Maybe you just have too much time on your hands, and the money & fame goes to your heads?

OJ Simpson’s litany of crimes, from cutting off his wife’s head to kidnapping dudes over his shitty memorabilia; Tank Johnson’s felony weapons charges; Steve Foley, who was shot 3 times by a cop after a high-speed DUI car chase; and that one-man crime spree himself, Pac-Man Jones….morons all.

Welcome to the Morons Club, Plaxy. Your cell is being prepared. Better stock up on smokes and AstroGlide to make your next 20 months or so mo’ easier…

The Evil Shit You Do Will Eventually Catch Up To You

Y’know, the evil shit you do in life will eventually catch up with you sooner or later. Karma is a bitch, they say. And so is justice. Just ask Orenthal James Simpson.

Finally, OJ gets to go to Big Boy Prison, instead of biding his time in pre-trial confinement suites signing autographs for dumbass jail guards looking to make a few bucks on eBay.

Almost 15 years after nearly decapitating his ex wife and a dude who was just returning something she left at the restaurant where he was a waiter, over a decade after the circus of his criminal and civil trials over the aforementioned slayings, after years of claiming that he was searching for the real killer on every golf course in America, and even having the gall and audacity to write a how-to book on wife killing, OJ stepped in enough shit to finally get some on his shoes.

In September 2007, the Juice was arrested in Las Vegas after a group of men led by Simpson entered a room at the Palace Station hotel-casino and took sports memorabilia at gunpoint, and was subsequently charged with numerous felonies, including robbery with a deadly weapon, burglary with a firearm, assault with a deadly weapon, first-degree kidnapping with use of a deadly weapon, coercion with use of a deadly weapon, conspiracy to commit robbery, conspiracy to commit kidnapping, and conspiracy to commit a crime. He was found guilty of all charges on October 3, 2008. And I laughed and laghed and laughed.

Yesterday he was sentenced to at least 9 years in prison. He’s finally gonna do some actual hard time. Actually, Simpson was sentenced to up to 33 years in prison with the possibility of parole in about 6 years.The family of Ron Goldman, the poor dude killed alongside Nicole Brown Simpson, was there in the courtroom and after sentencing they were verily dancing in the streets. They’ve been hounding Simpson every day for almost 15 years seeking justice.

"The back of his head looks the same as it did every day that we watched him in the criminal case, and we feel very proud of our efforts," Kim Goldman said. "We feel very strongly that because of our pursuit of him for all these years, that it did drive him to the brink of this."

"If that pushed him over the edge, great," Fred Goldman said afterward. "Put him where he belongs.”

I guess their lives will be a tad emptier now without Simpson to chase after. That’s okay; they can spend the next 6 years writing their impassioned speeches against him for his parole hearings in 6 years. And if he gets out in 9 years, he’ll be 67 and a bit slower to chase around the golf course. If he serves longer, this could start turning into a life sentence.

Before the sentence, he offered a rambling, emotional apology in which he told District Judge Jackie Glass, his voice shaking, that he was sorry for his actions but believed he did nothing wrong. Glass, however, brushed his apology aside, saying his actions amounted to "much more than stupidity," and calling him both arrogant and ignorant.
"Earlier in this case, at a bail hearing, I said to Mr. Simpson, I didn't know if he was arrogant, ignorant or both," Glass said. "During the trial and through this proceeding, I got the answer, and it was both."

So long, Juice. Next time I pass a golf course, I’ll look over to see if the real killer is there, just for you, okay?

A boot to the head might explain OJ's lunacy

I heard about this yesterday on The Schnitt Show and found it interesting. These are excerpts from an article in Slate Magazine by Chadwick Matlin in September 2007.

With the murder trial, the "hypothetical" outline of how he would have killed his ex-wife, and now his "sting operation" in a Las Vegas hotel room, it's hard to remember that O.J. Simpson used to play football. He was actually pretty good at it, running away with the Heisman Trophy in 1968 and making the Pro Bowl five times in his NFL career. As a pro, Simpson carried the ball more than 2,400 times. As the evidence mounts that football can cause massive head trauma, it's worth wondering: Could O.J.'s erratic behavior have something to do with taking too many gridiron collisions?

After former Eagles defensive back Andre Waters committed suicide last year, the Waters family sent pieces of his brain to a forensic pathologist. The doctor reported that damage sustained while playing football had made Waters' brain similar to that of "an octogenarian Alzheimer's patient." According to his doctors, Hall of Fame center Mike Webster suffered frontal lobe damage due to repeated head injuries; he was suffering from dementia when he died at age 50. A post-mortem analysis of Chris Benoit, the professional wrestler who killed his wife and son and then committed suicide, revealed massive brain damage. Diaries were also found with cryptic, disturbing passages that suggested Benoit's behavior wasn't a result of steroid-induced rage, but rather a gradual decline into violence and dementia.


All of these athletes sustained traumatic brain injuries that killed brain cells and left them permanently impaired. Dr. David Hovda, a neurosurgeon at UCLA told me that any altered consciousness—seeing stars, dizziness, or feeling dazed after a hit—is considered a mild TBI. Even a mild concussion causes damage. With football's macho culture, players often pick themselves up and stay in the game, leaving themselves open to more serious harm. But repeated TBIs can lead to an altered frontal and temporal lobe, which can cause heightened anxiety and a loss of emotional control. Football players tend to damage their temporal lobe, which controls feeding, fighting, fleeing, and the person's sex drive.

It appears that Simpson never had a documented head injury. A search of online newspaper archives didn't find any reports of concussions. Jim Peters, a sportswriter who covered Simpson's career in Buffalo, told me he couldn't remember Simpson missing any action because of a blow to the head.

The lack of published reports doesn't mean Simpson never sustained brain trauma. In the 1960s and 1970s, when the dangers of head injuries weren't well-known, players and trainers rarely reported concussions. Even today, players often don't say when they've suffered a head injury. Christopher Nowinski, a former pro wrestler who wrote Head Games: Football's Concussion Crisis and now heads up the brain-trauma-focused Sports Legacy Institute, told me that 50 percent of players admit to feeling concussionlike symptoms in anonymous surveys. That's a far greater number than have gone public with their injuries. It's also worth noting that in Simpson's era, helmet safety standards weren't close to today's level—neither was the size of the opposing linebackers.

So, where does that leave us with O.J.? After retiring from football in 1979, he started an acting career and was a respected announcer on Monday Night Football. By all accounts, he was a functioning member of society until June 1994. The effects of repeated brain damage can become more marked over time, but it seems dubious to suggest that O.J.'s brain damage caused him to go haywire in Las Vegas. Instead, it's more likely that as O.J. gets up there in age (he turned 60 in July) his mental descent may occur more quickly and be more pronounced because of the hard hits he suffered on the football field.

We'll probably never know how damaged Simpson's brain may be. The people in charge of his remains—most likely his children—would have to send parts of his brain matter to neurosurgeons, like Andre Waters' family did. But at this rate, perhaps the Goldman family will find a way to win the rights to Simpson's brain. If they let the neuroscientists take a peek inside O.J.'s head, we may finally get an answer.