Answering Hate Mail From The Islamic World

It's always fun to answer hate mail from douchebags who disagree with my opinions and think they'll sway me over to their side. It's even better when the post is several years old and was intended as a joke in the first damned place.

Back in 2008 I did an article about the hypocrisy in England surrounding the uproar over a commemorative Black Canary Barbie doll. I suggested that perhaps they'd be more appreciative of of a Barbie clad in a burka since they love to kowtow to their Muslim minority, completely re-arranging all of British culture and heritage so as not to offend a people who give nary a tinker's fuck about anyone but themselves. The Muslims won't have to fight to take over England; the nation will just roll over and hand them the keys to Buckingham Palace to avoid offending them.

So, a few months after I post the first article, in 2009, I posted another one after the original started getting a ton of hits looking for info on Burka Barbie. Seems that there was a real Burka Barbie over in Islamo-Land somewhere and my bomb-belted readers wanted more info. So I created a joke post update and had great fun with it. It was well-received by my regular readers.

Five years later I get some hate mail in the comments from someone with ZERO sense of humor.

Some jizzwhistle calling himself "thetruth" visited me a couple months ago and left these turds in my litter box. I've let them fester awhile before answering. If he was hoping for an instant argument he's sadly mistaken. Maybe in the interim the IDF has blown him up. Any spelling/grammar errors are his alone.

Comment 1. Great - another moron insulting other people's culture while stealing their oil. Hey genius, NOBODY wants your stinkin' Barbie crap. Oh, and DON'T pretend to 'care about women' while blowing them up with your bombs. P.S. Outiside of that shit-hole you call the US, Isra-HELL Are the REAL terrorists, not Hezbollah (whose only crime seems o be kicking your arse the last time you invaded Lebanon!) Please remind me again why everybody hates your guts....


Comment 2:   "True Americans do not bow down to threats from Islam."

    First off, you're NOT Native American - so you're not a 'true American'. Secondly, you've had your arse handed back to you in ebanon, Iraq and are in the process of getting your arse handed back to you in Afghanistan. Bow down? Bend over is more like it!

Oh, where to begin?

1. We're not stealing anyone's oil. We actually produce more oil in America than any other country on Earth according to several articles. Here, try this one. We buy it from a few other countries but we have plenty of our own. You must be referring to Iraq since Afghanistan doesn't really have any resources worth taking...and if you are referring to Iraq only 19% of Iraq's oil exports go to America. And considering the price we've paid in blood, materiel, and physical money in trying to give those people a free democratic nation if we were to get it cheaply consider it the employee discount.

2. The Barbie post was a JOKE, you humorless dick. I guess it's not funny to you unless someone is buggering a goat or crucifying infidels. And enough people were coming to my site looking for info that they MUST have wanted one.

3. Don't talk to me about terrorism, spunk-monkey. Islam thrives on blowing itself up for fun and profit. If Hamas would stop hiding behind human shields and launching attacks on Israel from hospitals and schools like cowardly pussies, then maybe Israel would stop bombing them.

 

4. When the fuck did we, as in The United States, invade Lebanon? We reinforced our Embassy in 1983 with extra Marines and then a Muslim terrorist blew himself up in a truck bomb to kill our people. Now, Israel has sent armed incursions into Lebanon, yes, but that's their business and I can't speak for them on that. But then again, every few years Islam decides to invade Israel in a vain attempt to kill all the Jews, and you always FAIL.

5. Remind you why everyone hates us? Because we have freedom. Our women can drive and read and have jobs and wear what they want. We have toilet paper. We have bacon. Our poor people live better than most middle class people worldwide. Because, deep down, YOU WANT TO BE US. And you can't.



 

6. Arse? Yep, you just gave yourself away as a foreigner who learned English from the English.

7. True American vs. Native American. Dude, how do you know whether or not I'm a native American? I assume you mean I'm not someone of indigenous tribal heritage? I am, however, a native. I was born here. That makes me a native. And I have served my nation and am without a doubt a True American, who upholds the values of freedom and liberty and equality.

8. Bend over? You Islamists are really into sodomizing your fellow men aren't you? Sorry, akbar, but I don't swing that way. Go find a goat. Or do you just prefer little kids?

Your people are backward savages. You claim all these great scientific achievements throughout history but all I see as examples are car bombs, roadside bombs, shoe bombs, underwear bombs, tunnels to store bombs, and bomb belts. You're still stuck in the year 1100. You wipe your asses with your hands. You destroy historical buildings that aren't Islamic and build a mosque on the site. You erase history that doesn't conform to your narrow view. You force people to convert to your religion under threat of death, and most often kill them anyways. You crucify and/or behead those who won't conform. Currently your ISIS thugs are committing genocide against the Yazidis.  We're having to drop food and water to people in Iraq who won't conform to your twisted laws and you've publicly claimed you will kill. You treat your women as slaves and your children as sex toys. You gladly kill your own in the name of your religion and justify it as martyrdom. You are, in short, ignorant savages.You kill indiscriminately because you revel in death. Life has no meaning to you. You so look forward to death and your alleged 72 virgins, so really you'll be doing the planet a favor if you'd all just kill yourselves and get to Paradise that much faster and leave the planet to more civilized humans.That's a billion or more fewer mouths to feed, and a lot less war and death to worry about.

Oh yeah, baby. All those great Muslim scientists and thinkers, straight outta the year 1100.

Now go piss off. Religion of peace, my ass.

Answering hate mail from a Belieber

I think I've made it fairly clear that I am not exactly a fan of Justin Bieber. In fact, I find him repugnant and would be delighted to no end if we just deported his narrow ass back to Canada instead of letting his spoiled, privileged, bratty-assed punk self reside here in luxury. I knew it was just a matter of time before one or more of his pre-pubescent fans got their diaper in a twist over my previous articles (found here and here) and threw a hissy fit.

This morning in my inbox I found not one, not two, but THREE comments on one of my articles from a little girl named Ashley McCombs. (Don't like me using your name, Ashley? Then don't include it in your comments sent from your Google+ account.) Judging by the profile picture she looks about 13 or so.I think her parents must be exceedingly proud of her foul mouth and her teachers must be proud of her atrocious spelling and grammar. Here are all three of her comments verbatim:

U guys are all butholes leave him alone he is the best person ever I LOVE YOU JUSTIN!! Love, A BELIEBER< 3

 You all need to shut the fuck up,like leave justin alone he never hurt anyone of you so why are you all talking shit about him justin bieber is not a "twit" or a "dushbag" he is an INSPIRATION he gives kids all over the world hope, and tells them to never give up on there dreams and to always work hard, just because he did some stupid things in his life doesn't give u the right to Judge him because the truth is all teenagers do stupid things just like u guys Prob. Did so I think u should stop talking shit about him and start saying good things about him because he is a really good person. Love, A BELIEBER < 3

All of u are dumb asses like shut the fuck up like u all think that your perfect but nobody is in this world just cuz he is famous doesn't mean he has to act like a stuck up little bitch,he is a teenager let him act like one every teenager does this,I'm pretty sure all of you guys have done stupied things in your lifetime so leave him alone it's not like he ever hurt anyone of you SO STOP TALKING SHIT ABOUT HIM HE IS THE MOST INSPIERING PERSON EVER IN MY EYES HE GIVES KIDS HOPE AND TELLS THEM TO NEVER STOP BELIEVING,AND TO NEVER GIVE UP ON THERE DREAMS!! I love u justin I will always be a BELIEBER < 3

You poor, deluded child. If you're being given hope by a a dick of this caliber then I weep for the children of the world. Are you inspired by a guy who bullies a woman as she works out in a gym and spits in her water bottle? Yeah, that happened back in January. It seems your hero likes spitting on people. Why, just last week he was spitting on his fans, fans just like YOU, from a balcony in Toronto.

Real mature, assclown

 Of course, his representatives deny it. This is because he pays them large sums of money to cover his ass when he acts like a dick to people.It's their job to cover for him and deny any wrongdoings. They covered for him two weeks ago when he went apeshit on a DJ at an Ohio club that he accused of taking a picture of him. His bodyguards illegally seized the man's phone and illegally went through it and found no pictures, but that didn't stop Bieber from talking shit about the guy's parents and then spitting in his face. And this is the guy you worship? You look up to a little prick who sends bodyguards to steal peoples' property and illegally search it, something not even a cop can do without a signed warrant from a judge, and even when they find nothing, still accuses the man, insults his family, and then spits in his eye?

Your parents seriously need to put a foot in your bony little ass, kid.

Douchebag Alert

Yeah, your hero is usually too pussy to fight his own battles and sends in his goon squad to attack people, but as long as he has all his posse with him he doesn't mind kicking a man when he's down, like a couple weeks ago when Justin and Company attacked a guy during an argument over a couple of women Justin was taking back to his hotel room. Unlike you, these women were grown adults, aged 24 and 32, and really, there's only one reason two adult bar waitresses, one of them probably closer in age to your mom than to your age, were headed to a hotel room with a celebrity. I'm not sure if they've covered the birds & the bees at school yet, Princess but he wasn't buying them hot cocoa at the hotel restaurant. How about the married chick he was out with when he stiffed the crew at the skydiving place in Vegas and didn't pay?

Your hero's tour bus was stopped at the US/Canadian border and officials found dope inside it. Boy Wonder wasn't on board but this also isn't the first time his bus was found loaded down with drugs. Hw was kicked out of a Chicago nightclub last month too for underaged drinking. Yeah, your hero is a stoner and a drinker. I bet your parents are so proud of your choices, Ashley. What'll they find in your diary or hidden in under your bed?

And finally, what the hell causes a 19 year old boy to show up at his grandmother's door buck-ass naked with a guitar over his junk and sing to her? That's creepy. And it's just as creepy that his grandmother blew it off.

Seriously, little girl...stop worshiping this douchebag and focus on your schoolwork, because really, you need some grammar and spelling help. You say he's a normal teenager doing normal teenage things? If this is normal then we are doomed as a species. And remember to think twice before messing with your elders and your betters.