No, I'm not dead....just frozen

No, those are not bogeys in my facial hair. Those are actual ice crystals formed from exhaling at -20 degrees F (-28 C for my metric friends)


Salutations, dear readers!

My humblest of apologies for not writing as much these past couple weeks. As is usually the case when I'm shy on material, it generally means that work has interfered with pleasure. Getting up at 2:30AM and starting work in a -20 degree freezer isn't conducive to my writing.

I had a lot of fun with the Global Warming blog, though....if you missed it, give it a read and laugh a little. Look two posts below this one....

Anyways, I'm on vacation all of next week, and I should be able to put up some good stuff for you guys to peruse and enjoy.

They Let Gay People Be Mayor?

Stolen from Fox News:

Voters are deciding Saturday whether Houston will become the largest U.S. city to elect an openly gay mayor.

The runoff election in the Texas city pits City Controller Annise Parker against former city attorney Gene Locke.

Parker is a lesbian who has never made a secret or an issue of her sexual orientation.

But in recent weeks, anti-gay activists and conservative religious groups have endorsed the 61-year-old Locke and sent out mailers condemning Parker's "homosexual behavior."

Meanwhile, gay and lesbian political organizations around the country have rallied to support the 53-year-old Parker.

My God, people. This is a non-story. Why should any of us really, truly, give a milli-shit about whether a candidate is gay? It's irrelevant.

Can the candidate DO THE JOB they were elected to do? Can the candidate do the job BETTER than their opponent? Do you feel that, based solely on the candidate's ability to serve and lead, and based solely on their political policies & beliefs, that they can adequately represent you in Congress or run your city? THAT is the criteria I look for in a candidate.

Can they bring jobs? Can they lower crime rates? Can they keep taxes low?

What's important?

Grow up.

The Global Warming ScamFest

If ever you wondered at the gullibility of the average human being, or even the sheer unadulterated stupid ignorance of people in the face of overwhelming information, look no further than what most call Global Warming, and the scam artists call Climate Change. It’s what I’ve taken to calling Climate Fuckery.

There’s currently a 12-day worldwide Festival of Weather-Related Bullshittery going on in Copenhagen, Denmark. Seemingly, we’re all supposed to call it Kooben-hoggin now, since the established pronunciation I grew up on (KO-pen-Hay-gun) has been usurped by the Left. Alleged experts, hand-wringers, and Chicken-Little-Sky-Is-Falling types are gathered in Carbonhagen at the behest of the United Nations to seemingly spend money and be a raving batch of hypocrites and self-righteous assholes.

This is the same United Nations that spent millions of dollars partially earmarked for relief aid to give some artsy dickhead free reign to squirt paint on the ceiling and call it a masterpiece.
See here.

The UN is already a colossal waste of money and is about as effective as a daddy-longlegs with all 8 legs yanked off, and here they are shitting away $125 million dollars in a mutual mental masturbation session geared towards making industrialized nations feel guilty for developing past the invention of fire and the wheel, and fleecing said nations for billions in aid (spelled g-r-a-f-t).

I find it hard to sympathize with shitheads who want me to drive a fucking toaster to work, yet came to Koobenhoggin in 120 private jets and are tooling around Denmark in over 1200 rented limos and other luxury rides. Delegates were seen driving up to the conclave in Beemers, Benzes, VoVos, and Jags, while the rented bus rolled about empty. I mean, who wants to ride the bus when you have every luxury car in Denmark (and more are being brought in from Germany and Sweden) at your disposal? France alone ordered 42 cars from the city’s largest limo rental agency, according to company spokesperson Majken Friss Jorgensen. And Jorgensen added that just five vehicles in the fleet will be hybrids, which are nearly impossible to procure in tax-heavy Denmark.

Ahhhh, gotta love assloads of taxes to pay for free healthcare, no?

The conference center hosting the meetings has set up four "climate kitchens" to cook healthy, organic meals for attendees, but they aren't coming cheap. Visitors ordering the regular meal will get finger sandwiches, a quiche, some cheese and dessert, but those going "deluxe" get a mini croissant, canapé with smoked salmon, mini pizzas, fancy cheese and some pineapple in chocolate — all for an estimated $40 a person.

These same Global Warming dickheads want to tax people on cow farts, claiming that bovine flatulence pollutes the air with methane clouds as they themselves visit the White House to dine on Wagyu beef. Sure, as if hand-fed cows from Kobe, Japan who get their balls massaged and listen to Yanni, don’t ever fart…

People are still buying into this bullshittery, even after hundreds of scientists, actual accredited climatologists, have debunked Global Warming as a myth. Within the past couple weeks, hundreds of emails surfaced from people within the Climate Research Unit at East Anglia University (one of the movement’s breeding centers) that basically admit that it’s all a scam. Hell, just today it’s come to light that there exists a text that basically stated that screws developing nations in favor of letting rich nations do as they please. The text says it would allow rich nations to emit nearly twice as much carbon per capita as poor countries. That abandons the principle of the Kyoto protocol, which calls for the richer nations to take on the bulk of the burden. The document—thought to be the product of a group that includes the US, UK, and Denmark—also would weaken the UN's role in future climate change negotiations, and pretty much keeps poor nations poor and rich nations rich. Lovely.

The UN doesn’t want to be out-scammed, you see. They’ve been sucking money out of most of the civilized world for over sixty years, and now they’ve come up against a better scam operation. And, ladies & gentlemen, that better scam is Global Warming, and one of their revenue schemes is Carbon Credits/Offsets.

Ostensibly, to offset my release of greenhouse gases I’m beseeched to purchase carbon credits from some mysterious Al Gore-sponsored Carbon Credit Clearing House, or some such nonsense. I mean, I tried to look the shit up and got even more confused. I think some hippy is supposed to plant a tree or something for me. I dunno. I give them millions of dollars to offset a ton of emitted carbon dioxide, and after overhead and skimming, some unwashed granola-muncher in a woven hemp Baja poncho and Birkenstocks plants a tree? Okay.

Al Gore…that fat slug lives in a McMansion that uses more electricity to light than some small cities, and I’m supposed to give this asshole my money for trees? Who appointed him Keeper of the Forests?


The giant, steaming, open-faced shit sandwiches these people keep trying to feed us are incredible, with lie heaped upon lie, served with a dollop of half-truths to sweeten the turds. Gore himself prattles on about how all the glaciers in the world are melting and in doing so are tainting the world’s drinking water supplies.

How? I don’t get it. Maybe my lack of an Ivy League education has stunted me from figuring out how pure glacial water would taint anything. One source I looked at stated that glaciers contain about 75% of the world’s fresh water. I mean sure, animals walked on it and probably shat on it and before it froze it probably scrubbed the atmosphere before condensing, but wouldn’t any legit bottler filter & purify the water regardless of source? Then again, bottled water is a scam, too. Most of it is straight tap water; the same tap water the effete enviro-dicks say is bad for you. Bottled water bars have sprung up in all the hipster districts, from Paris to Los Angeles. Some fine hotels now offer the services of "water sommeliers" to advise diners on which water to drink with different courses. Douchebags.


Gore further rants that 40% of our ice has melted & the rest will be gone in a decade. Really? Hundreds of thousands of square miles of ice is gonna just evaporate inside of 10 years? Wow. Shit-fire! I better get Kevin Costner’s “Waterworld” boat ready for action, ‘cause we’s abouts to be submerged!

Recently Kevin Anderson, the director of the Tyndall Center for Climate Change (a key player in the Climate Research Unit scandal), was quoted as saying that only 10% of humanity will survive global warming. I guess that’ll be the 10% who get rich off the 90% they scammed into destitution. Another alleged climate expert, Rajendra Pachauri, was quoted as saying that the Western Lifestyle is unsustainable.

Ahhh, there we go. There’s the crux of it. Everyone hates the fact that in the West, i.e.: America, you can drive where you want, when you want, and buy what you want, because we’re an industrialized, developed world leader, and everyone else wants us to ride donkeys and eat tree bark.

Even the BBC has lost its mind, reporting that: "Climate 'Is a Major Cause' of Conflict in Africa,” stating that "Climate has been a major driver of armed conflict in Africa, research shows - and future warming is likely to increase the number of deaths from war." Total bollocks!

Tell you what, Beebs…most of Africa has been trying to kill each since the first over-developed super-chimp named Australopithecus picked up a rock & bashed his neighbor in the grape, if for no other reason than the neighbor had something he wanted. As many as a million Rwandans have been killed in Hutu-vs.-Tutsi genocide, and that had nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with political ideology. The situation in the Congo, where up to four million have died in their never-ending series of civil wars, ethnic cleansings, and mass rapes, has nothing to do with whether or not it’s cold out and everything to do with gold, diamonds, and political corruption.


Grow up; occasionally a person will snap on a hot day & commit a violent act but people willingly & gleefully kill each other for power, wealth, and that all-time favorite, religion. Millions did not die in The Crusades over Climate Change. Millions did not die at the hands of Hitler because of the weather. The Khmer Rouge in Cambodia didn’t execute a vast segment of their population over whether or not a glacier was melting. Mass graves all throughout Serbia, Croatia, and Bosnia were not filled by folks not driving a hybrid. Global Warming didn’t fly planes into the World Trade Center.

Gold. Diamonds. Oil. Power. Religion. Greed. Corruption. Not the weather…

How can you say that, Steve? We have to stop Greenhouse Gases!!!!!

Yeah, sure. I’m all in favor of clean air and less industrial pollution. But let’s take a look at Greenhouse Gases, shall we? You Global Warming Fucksticks want to tax me on carbon dioxide and expect me to buy you off so you can plant a tree to offset my crimes? Dude, trees need carbon dioxide to make oxygen via photosynthesis, don’t they? I inhale their oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide, and they take my carbon dioxide and make oxygen. Circle of life, no? You fruitbags seem to forget that the most abundant of the greenhouse gases is…..water vapor. Yeah, plain old water vapor and ya’ll say it’ll kill us all….and all the while you want me to drive around in a car powered by a wee little hydrogen bottle….a hydrogen bottle that emits…say it with me now, kids….water vapor. That makes perfect sense.

But what about the polar bears? We have to save the polar bears!

Oh, yes…the polar bears. Every few weeks someone brings up the polar bears, whether it be to say the bears are all starving, or the bears are eating their babies, or the bears are drowning, or the bears are all already dead, or there’ll be bears killing and eating pedestrians in Central Park any second now due to a lack of food. People, wake up. Polar bears, and many other creatures, often kill their young, or the offspring of rivals. When a new male lion takes over a pride, it generally kills the cubs off to repopulate with his own seed. No one blames that on Global Warming. And I’m pretty damned sure that greenhouse gases didn’t cause my hamster to eat its babies when I was 7 years old. Last I read, the polar bear population was up almost 25% from their levels in the 1950’s. Pick a new animal to lie about, shitheads. You folks just keep perpetuating that image that polar bears are small & cute & cuddly, and they go sledding & drink Cokes with their babies at Christmas time. But polar bears are huge and vicious and have no qualms about eating you. Besides, fewer polar bears means more baby harp seals to club!


Isn’t it a bit ironic that we’ve got 2/3 of the country buried under a foot of snow, 2 weeks before winter officially arrives, and Al Gore’s over in Koobenhoggin charging idiots a thousand bucks apiece to get a picture taken with him in the Holy Name of Global Warming? But would we expect any less from the inventor of the Interwebz?

Stay tuned for my own Global Warming Solution, coming soon….


No more water vapor!

Oh yes, he can!

I am pleased to report that Colonel Van T. Barfoot, the retired Army veteran and Medal of Honor recipient that I blogged about a few days ago, has won his fight to keep his flagpole and to keep flying the colors in front of his house.

Hell yes!

Score one for the good guys!

No, you can't fly the American flag anymore

Once again, I have to ask the question: what the hell is wrong with people? When did it become offensive to display the flag of the United States of America on one’s own property?

You’ll recall a couple months back when we brought word of an apartment complex’s management that tried to evict a man for displaying the flag on his vehicle and property. Within days, they changed their tune and Old Glory remained proudly aloft.

(http://www.mojosteve.blogspot.com/2009/10/whats-so-offensive-about-american-flag.html)

This time, there’s more liberal, elitist, bureaucratic bullshittery afoot as a homeowner’s association is taking legal action against a 90-year old veteran of three wars for flying the flag. Retired Colonel Van T. Barfoot isn’t just any veteran, however. Colonel Barfoot received the Medal of Honor during the Second World War.

After raising the Stars and Stripes every day at sunrise and lowering them every day at sunset since he served in the U.S. Army, Barfoot received a letter on Tuesday from the law firm that represents his homeowners' association, ordering him to remove the flagpole from his yard by 5 p.m. on Friday or face "legal action." What a crock.

The homeowners' association at Sussex Square community in Richmond, Virginia told Barfoot that the freestanding, 21-foot flagpole that he put up in September violates the neighborhood's aesthetic guidelines. Barfoot had sought permission to install the pole shortly after he moved into the complex of townhouses, where the grounds are community property, last June. The board denied his request in July. Yeah, if it’s in the least bit unique it doesn’t belong in one of those Stepford communities, where people with jack else to do ride around the neighborhood reporting your every move to the HOA. Grass is too tall…garage door was left open for longer than 10 minutes…you had more than 2 guests over and they parked on the (gasp!)street!

Assholes.

But Barfoot and his family say there is no provision in Sussex Square's rules that forbids erecting flagpoles. And for Barfoot, that's a cause worth fighting for.
"There's never been a day in my life or a place I've lived in my life that you couldn't fly the American flag," Barfoot said in an interview with the Richmond Times-Dispatch.

The association tried to defend its position in a statement released last night, insisting that Colonel Barfoot directly violated its board's July ruling.

"This is not about the American flag. This is about a flagpole," reads the statement from the association, "Colonel Barfoot is free to display the American flag in conformity with the neighborhood rules and restrictions. We are hopeful that Colonel Barfoot will comply."

The statement reminded the public that many American flags hang from homes in the Sussex Square community, and that the board members object only to Barfoot's freestanding flagpole. NOTE: The board members object. No one said the good Colonel’s neighbors objected. A small group of self-important swine who wish to control the masses, including an elderly man who received this nation’s highest award for valor in combat.


But Barfoot says he has always flown the flag from a height: "Where I've been, fighting wars ... military installations, parades, everything else, the flag is vertical. And I've done it that way since I was in the Army," Barfoot told the paper.
"I've flown the flag at my home as long as I can remember," said Barfoot, who lived in rural Amelia County before moving to suburban Richmond. "This is the first time in the last 36 years that I've been unable to put my flag up on the same pole, the same staff and take it down when it's time to come down. I don't have any qualms with [the board's] authority, but the thing about it is that I cannot get enough conversation out of them where we can try to work out a solution," Barfoot said.

Neighbors largely have expressed their support, but he realizes that ultimately it's up to the nine-member association board whether to grant an exception to the rules.

"Emotional torture is what they've done to my father," said his daughter, Margaret Nicholls. "He has lost sleep, he worries about it constantly. He just doesn't understand. He thinks that if it's on his property they can't tell him what to do."

Y’know, this is precisely why I don’t live in a development of cookie-cutter houses with a Home Owner’s Association. You pay umpteen many thousands of your hard-earned dollars in the six figures to buy your house, and then you have to pay dues to the HOA, and various fees to such for the privelege of having some shitbird tell you that your lawn isn’t right, or you can’t park on the street, or you can’t change your own oil, or you can’t have a big party at your place, or you can’t park your boat at your house, or your house isn’t an approved color, or you can’t have a shitty plastic kiddie pool in your back yard, or have holiday decorations, or fly the American flag in a patriotic manner.

I wash my car in my yard, usually with the music on blast. I walk my dogs on my property without a leash. I cut my grass when I deem it needs it. My guests park in my yard off the street. My storage shed’s not the same color as my house.

Colonel Barfoot is showing his pride in America, a nation that he has fought for in three different wars, a nation that he has bled for and received a Purple Heart for. He’s not flying the flag inappropriately or disrespectfully. He’s not flying a pirate flag, a Confederate flag, or a flag from another country. He’s flying our flag, and damn it, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Wanna get ahold of the Home Owner's Association's lawyers?
Coates & Davenport
5206 Markel Road, Suite 200
Richmond VA 23230
Toll Free: (800) 450-8311
Local Phone: (804) 285-7000
General Fax: (804) 285-2849
Real Estate Fax: (804) 285-3426


Wanna call the Home Owner's Association yourself and let fly?
804-740-8795 (possibly disconnected by now)


Colonel Barfoot’s Medal of Honor Citation reads as follows:

For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of life above and beyond the call of duty on 23 May 1944, near Carano, Italy. With his platoon heavily engaged during an assault against forces well entrenched on commanding ground, 2d Lt. Barfoot (then Tech. Sgt.) moved off alone upon the enemy left flank. He crawled to the proximity of 1 machinegun nest and made a direct hit on it with a hand grenade, killing 2 and wounding 3 Germans. He continued along the German defense line to another machinegun emplacement, and with his tommygun killed 2 and captured 3 soldiers. Members of another enemy machinegun crew then abandoned their position and gave themselves up to Sgt. Barfoot. Leaving the prisoners for his support squad to pick up, he proceeded to mop up positions in the immediate area, capturing more prisoners and bringing his total count to 17. Later that day, after he had reorganized his men and consolidated the newly captured ground, the enemy launched a fierce armored counterattack directly at his platoon positions. Securing a bazooka, Sgt. Barfoot took up an exposed position directly in front of 3 advancing Mark VI tanks. From a distance of 75 yards his first shot destroyed the track of the leading tank, effectively disabling it, while the other 2 changed direction toward the flank. As the crew of the disabled tank dismounted, Sgt. Barfoot killed 3 of them with his tommygun. He continued onward into enemy terrain and destroyed a recently abandoned German fieldpiece with a demolition charge placed in the breech. While returning to his platoon position, Sgt. Barfoot, though greatly fatigued by his Herculean efforts, assisted 2 of his seriously wounded men 1,700 yards to a position of safety. Sgt. Barfoot's extraordinary heroism, demonstration of magnificent valor, and aggressive determination in the face of pointblank fire are a perpetual inspiration to his fellow soldiers.

Not long after this action, Barfoot was promoted from Technical Sergeant to Second Lieutenant. Four months later, his unit was in France's Rhone valley when he was ordered to division headquarters and informed that he had been awarded the Medal of Honor. Given the choice of returning to the United States for the ceremony or receiving the medal in the field, Barfoot chose the latter so that his men could be present. Lieutenant General Alexander Patch awarded him the medal in Epinal, France, on September 28, 1944.

What Do I Know?

What do I know?

I mean, I’m a college dropout. I dropped out while carrying a 3.67 on the dean’s list, so I must not be that bright. I lack the effete Ivy-League liberal education of B-Hussein-Obama (Blessed Be His Name) mmmm mmmm mmmm. I was an enlisted soldier, not an officer. I was a Military Policeman, not a member of Military Intelligence. I work a blue collar job. I live in a small town in South Carolina.


What do I know?

One would think that in order to be the alleged Commander in Chief, one of the myriad hats worn by the President of the United States, one would be a rational, intelligent person, surrounded by capable, smart, well-informed advisors.

What do I know?

I know that it’s a complete and utter farce that’s being perpetrated upon the good people of this great nation this evening when that smug Liberal Socialist ass clown dares to place his TelePrompters amongst the Long Gray Line at West Point, as if the United States Military Academy is just a cool backdrop for a photo op, to lie to me and tell me that he’s agonized over sending additional troops to Afghanistan.
He never agonized. He didn’t take his time to mull it over & weigh the options. He slid the troop requests of his appointed in-theater commander onto the back burner in order to spend his time instead on this Socialized Healthcare folly, or jetting to and fro on our dime to bow to foreign heads of state, or to piss more money away on bullshittery.

What do I know?

I know that you just told our enemies when we’re coming, where we’ll be operating, how many we’re bringing, and then you told them when we’re coming home. So now the people who are trying to kill us know the timeline for our deployments, and they can adjust their plans accordingly. They can move about and either prepare hostile welcomes, or they can go further underground and wait us out, since they now know when we’re going to pull the plug and come home.

What do I know?

I know that the kids of America would have been better off watching a Charlie Brown Christmas than watching the Decline and Fall of Western Civilization courtesy of The Obamessiah.

Happy Saint Andrew's Day

Most everybody the world over recognizes Saint Patrick’s Day every March 17th. On that day, everyone claims to be Irish, whether true or not. I’ve always found it amusing that two of the biggest things associated with that most Irish of days are Scottish kilts and Scottish bagpipe bands, since traditionally the Irish were never big on the wearing of the kilt, and the Irish Uilleann bagpipe is a lot different from the Scottish Highland bagpipe most are familiar with.


Above: A delightful young lass plays the Irish Uileann pipes.
Below: The Great Highland Bagpipe, being played by pipers of South Carolina's own Charleston Police Pipes & Drums.



What most don’t know, however, is that the Scots do, indeed, have their own day and their own patron. Today is Saint Andrew’s Day, celebrated both in Scotland and by those of Scots heritage worldwide.

Like me! (Despite that unwieldy Polish surname I was saddled with at birth)

Although most commonly associated with Scotland, Saint Andrew is also the patron saint of Greece, Romania, Russia and the Ecumenical Patriarchate of Constantinople.
In Germany, the feast day is celebrated as Andreasnacht ("St. Andrew's Night"), in Austria with the custom of Andreasgebet ("St. Andrew's Prayer"), and in Poland as Andrzejki ("Andrews").

Andrew is also the patron saint of Army Rangers, mariners, fishermen, fishmongers, rope-makers, singers and performers.

So, to all my fellow Scots, I raise a wee dram of single malt and say “Slainte mhath!”

More of the crap I see around me....

You tend to see a lot of interesting things when you drive around greater Charleston. I have about a hundred mile commute each day for work, and often return to Charleston on the weekends for social engagements. Here are a few of my random sightings in traffic over the past few months. For another glimpse, go see last year's post:
http://mojosteve.blogspot.com/2008/12/oh-things-youll-see.html


I kid you not. This picture is NOT Photoshopped. This is a real cargo ship.


July 4th, 2009. When you REALLY need ice and one side is locked, just CRAWL INSIDE to get it.



There's just no explaining this piece of Ghetto Fabulosity. Spotted on Montague Avenue.



I'm pretty sure that Ronald McDonald would be proud to roll through Chucktown in this...



Spotted on a two-tone Lexus by the Coliseum:"We in war. We need the good man" WTF?




I don't quite understand the Power Rangers mask on the bumper...at least it matches the car.




File this one under: Lee Press-On Spoiler Fail






The Pepto-Bismol Pink Honda Civic I spotted by the airport.




I found it somewhat strange that a bra should be left hanging by a man's suede sport coat at Wal-Mart, as they were both the same color.

Random Obama sightings

Funny how most of my Obama sightings come at Wal Mart...makes you wonder if there's a conspiracy afoot?


Saw these little gems a few months ago, when I still had hair and America still had an economy. Wal Mart was selling these Obama trading cards. WTF? And according to J-Summ, they had no gum in them.



Of course, since Obama is a rock star, indoctrination of the kids via propaganda posters is a must. Found these at WalMart, too.



Sadly, spotted in a Wal Mart parking lot. This is like a Jews for Hitler sticker.


Spotted in the parking lot across the street from my work.



Yeah, I know it was ostensibly for breast cancer awareness, because nothing says "Beat Cancer" quite like a sugary carbonated beverage, but the new Pepsi logo is so similar to the Obamunists' insignia that it just seems a bit hinky to me...

Madam Glambert: 14:59 and counting...

Oh, dear.

It seems that I missed some sort of spectacle at the Dick Clark Memorial Contrived RIAA SuckUp Showcase, um, I mean, The American Music Awards, this past Sunday night. From what everyone seems to be clogging the blogosphere with, last year’s American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert shamelessly tried like hell to out-Madonna Madonna, out-Christina Christina, and out-Britney Britney with a stage show full of faux-S&M themes, crotch-grabbery, man-kissery, crotch-facery, finger-bangery, dancers galore, and an attention whore at center stage.

Everyone seems up in arms over this supposedly outrageous behavior, their tender sensibilities besmirched by a flamboyant gay man doing his level best to shock the world on live TV as he sang his debut single. Personally, I could give a shit less.

I’m not offended by a gay kiss on TV. I’m not titillated by scantily-clad stick-women gyrating to the beat. I’ve seen better S&M references on Family Guy.


What actually offended me was that Lambert felt the need to resort to such douchebaggery in the first place.


First of all, Madam Glambert, you’ve been famous now for all of about six minutes. I realize that it all very well could be over in another 9 minutes, but shouldn’t you at least wait till you have an established hit and a bona-fide career before you start trying to shock the world into accepting you no matter how outrageous you become?

Madonna at least didn’t start being controversial 'til her second album. She’d released 5 singles, (3 made the Top 20, two made the Top 10, and one went to #4) before “Like a Virgin”. I haven’t even heard you on the radio yet. Someone said they heard you screeching during the end credits to the film “2012”, but as I have yet to see the movie I can’t say for sure. I know that this debut single of yours wasn’t all that; just more of your incessant caterwauling with your tongue hanging out on the high notes. Sounded like two cats in heat locked in a dumpster, with a backbeat.

Being edgy is cool. Raising awareness & acceptance of every lifestyle is cool. But being outrageous in an attempt to offend people into paying attention just makes you a tool. Think Marylin Manson with better guy-liner.


I think though what really offended me most of all was the way the media has treated this.

Good Morning America dropped Lambert off it’s telecast the next day like he was the Anti-Christ in revenge for his unscripted antics on their ABC network. Dick Clark was probably just millimeters away from another strroke from apoplexy. CBS snatched him right up, not because he’s talented, but because of the ratings he’d bring in from the scandal. It could have been Khalid Sheik Mohammed singing “Pop Goes The Weasel” for all they cared, so long as he'd kissed a guy the night before. CBS however screwed the pooch by blurring Lambert’s dude-on-dude kiss, and yet they never blurred the Madonna/Britney kiss. America is okay with two girls kissing, but two guys kissing shall rip mankind asunder, and the Earth’s crust shall erupt in fire & brimstone with Satan himself leading the charge from the bowels of Hell? Fucking please. Grow up. Ya'll act like being gay is a disease and you can catch the Gay Cooties. Morons.

And then there’s the clowns at Dick Clark Productions, who put on the AMA awards show. They trolled the internet after the show looking for anyone daring to post up the Lambert vid, and got You Tube to not only delete the vids but filed copyright infringement claims on people regardless of whether they had the video bootlegged or not. If it had Lambert in the title, they nailed them. Of what do I speak? I found this guy’s rant against Dick Clark Productions on YouTube; it was quite eye-opening, if you can get past the fact he’s wearing an Obi-Wan Kenobi mask and disguising his voice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3IcCOab_o0

Face it, ABC & DCP: Once you broadcast it, it’s gonna end up on YouTube. Welcome to the Information Age. So long as no one’s re-broadcasting it to make a fast buck, get over it and accept that it’ll end up online. Just to spite the censors at Dick Clark Productions, I think I’ll include a couple stills from Lambert’s spectacle. Sue Me. And then sue Fox, cuz that's where I got the pics.



But really, Lambert. You may have torpedoed your career before it even started. I know that folks coming in second on Idol usually do better than the winners themselves, but there’ve been dammed few bona-fide real stars to come off that show. A few more are working on having success; the rest are one-hit wonders or simply forgotten. It’s a fey, fickle world, Pop Music. Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Chris Daughtry; big stars. Taylor Hicks was dropped from his label within a year.

Clock’s ticking, sweet pea. Make sure your impact is a positive one.

Welcome to Arby's. Can I take your order?