Friday, February 9, 2007

I ain't sayin' a gold digga...

Everyone’s favorite train wreck finally finished derailing this week. Anna Nicole Smith died yesterday at the age of 39. While it’s a shame that she passed, and I feel really shitty for her infant child, I must say…who the fuck didn’t see THIS coming? And moreover, why is America giving so much of a shit about it?

Vickie Lynn Hogan was a former stripper & teenaged mom who lucked into a deal to model jeans, and parleyed that into a gig as a Playboy centerfold. This may be where she developed a taste for banging old dudes. (C’mon…you know Hef tapped that ass….). She married a 90 year old billionaire and then got embroiled in the fight over his estate with his kids, who were all older than her own parents. Isn’t that a great Jerry Springer show theme? I’m 25 and my step son is 65…..we’re the toast of the trailer park…..

She then embarked upon an ill-conceived reality horror fest that showed her bloated, clown-makeup-wearing, slurred-speech shenanigans, further proof that idiot Americans will watch anything on TV. Two years later, strung out on Trim Spa and 70 pounds thinner, she’s back to tossing her titties everywhere and speaking only a little more coherently.

Congratulations, America; you’re mourning a pseudo-celebrity whose only real talent was being an attention-whore. She wasn’t a singer. She wasn’t an actor, really, despite a few cameos. She wasn’t a dancer, unless you count laps & poles. She wasn’t a sculptor or painter or writer. She was a fucking train wreck. And given the popularity of the American Idol audition shows, the American Sheeple love their train wrecks.

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