Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Tool-o-Ween: Crap Sequels

Being that this week ends with Halloween, I have decided that my Tool of the Week should be none other than Jigsaw, or at least the little fruity muppet that gets associated with the “Saw” franchise of gorefest movies.

Seriously, is there really any meat left on these fucking bones to flay? Saw FIVE just came out, eclipsed only by “High School Musical 3: Kill Me Now Because It Sucks”. Meanwhile, the empty heads at eMpTyVee™ (That’s MTV to you intellectually-challenged folks out there) are having some lame-assed “reality” show to pick some Realitard™ to win a role in Saw SIX. This franchise refuses to die. I mean, Jesu Cristae Dominae, didn’t they actually kill Jigsaw off and autopsy his corpse in Saw III? Or was that IV? This is getting ridiculous.

Of course, as if there wasn’t already enough crap sequels in the Friday the 13th series, (like, what 10 films now?) they have a no-shit remake in the works of the original. I guess they can use updated technology to make even bloodier special effects that were unavailable in 1980. The franchise jumped the shark when they tried to go 3-D, and by the time Jason went into space for Jason X, it was just rediculoid. I really hope that they won’t go and remake the entire pantheon…they’ll probably just end up remaking the original Nightmare on Elm Street too, just to milk the tits off of that cow, too. And then combine the two yet again for a remake of Freddy vs. Jason vs. Alien vs. Predator vs. Rocky vs. Rambo vs. High School Musical.

Stop making sequels just for the sake of sucking money from people too stupid to know any better.

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