Sunday, May 1, 2011

Tugging on Superman's Cape

So, the Man of Steel, Superman himself, who for years has supposedly fought for Truth, Justice, and the American Way, wants to renounce his American citizenship? That’s nice. Screw him.

I was unaware that Superman even HAD citizenship. I mean, after all, when Krypton crapped out and Jar-El packed up his baby boy Kal-El into a wee bundle and floated him off to Earth to fend for himself, he arrived in Turdburgle, Arkansas, or wherever it was the Kents found him, as basically an illegal alien. And by alien, I guess we mean it both ways.

He posed as Clark Kent, assuming the identity of an all-American schoolboy, but there’s nagging questions that require answers. Where’s the birth certificate? I mean, how’d they get him into our Leftist-led public school indoctrination centers without a birth certificate? What about his vaccines? If bullets bounce off of him, how the hell is a vaccination needle gonna penetrate his arm or ass cheek? He’s an illegal alien with a false Social Security Number working in the mainstream news media. He even has a vacation cottage at the North Pole (the Fortress of Solitude) like Charlie Rangel has a place in the islands....

So if Superman now wants to be a “citizen of the universe” I suggest he best apply for a work visa and green card if he intends on staying here. I don’t recall an issue from DC (Democrat Comics?) where The Man of Steel (Hmmmm, wasn’t Josef Stalin the Man of Steel?) was granted United States citizenship. I’m surprised he’s still at the Daily Planet. I would have thought he’d be in the state-run Associated Press now, or bumped up to the news desk at PMSNBC, or hell, why not Al-Jazeera? Maybe this is all just the first step in Superman converting to Islam? With his origins in the heavens and super powers he could be the 13th Imam they’ve been waiting for.

Will Lois Lane be forced into a burka? I dunno…she’s media-savvy too so she’d just be another scarf-wrapped lackey like Christiane Amanpour. Will we soon hear about poor intrepid Jimmy Olson being killed by a stray RPG in Benghazi covering the Libyan rebellion, or will it be even worse as Jimmy embeds with a NATO unit and then blows himself up for Superman?

So, now, how many other superheroes camped out at The Justice League in Metropolis or Gotham or wherever are going to follow suit and renounce their citizenship? For that matter, how many other superheroes who have taken up residence here are potentially illegals as well?

Wonder Woman— seems that Wonder Woman is also known as Diana of Themyscira, a Princess of the Amazons of Greek mythology. I’m pretty sure Themyscira isn’t one of Obama’s 57 states.

Thor—Norse god from mythical Asgard, also not a state or territory.

Aquaman—Atlantis, wherever the hell that is.

Hawkman—not really a major player, but he’s supposed to get a movie soon. His origins are confused, as he is either an Egyptian god reincarnated as an American, or a dude from the planet Thanagar, depending on what version you follow.

However, most of the remaining big-name heroes are definitely American by birth. Batman, Spiderman, The Hulk, The Fantastic Four, Green Lantern, Iron Man, Wolverine…..and of course, Captain America. If it ever comes to Captain America turning his back on us, we’re doomed.


j summ said...

really like the pic of Cap'n AMERICA on the invasion beach with his Tommy.
a man's man who took it to the AXIS.
loved going to the barber shop as a kid and reading it while we waited for our turn in the chair. you ever read the haunted tank comics?

Steve: The Lightning Man said...

I read that religiously...GI COMBAT. Plus I also read SGT ROCK.

Anonymous said...

Wolverine is freakin Canadian.