Beware the dreaded Assault Finger

Ban the Assault Finger

 Way back when I was but a wee pup, as the Earth was cooling and dinosaurs roamed the lands, I lived in Maryland. I was born in DC and spent my first 14 years in a suburb called Langley Park, part of the bigger suburb of Silver Spring. I spent my elementary and middle school years as a brick in the wall in the Prince Georges County public schools. Looking at back at the Cesspool of Liberalism that Maryland has become (or maybe it always was and as a kid I just never knew it) I'm glad I got out of there when I did.

Within the past month, three Maryland kids, a six year old boy attending Roscoe Nix Elementary in good old Silver Spring, and two six year old boys attending Talbot County Elementary, were SUSPENDED from school for (GASP!) making a finger-gun gesture. The insanity doesn't stop in Maryland either, nor is it confined to liberal wastelands. Over in the decidedly red state of Oklahoma, a five year old boy was suspended from Chickasha Elementary for brandishing his finger and saying "Bang, Bang".

When will we finally ban assault fingers?

And in perhaps the most insane episode I have seen in quite a while, a five year old girl was suspended, initially for ten days but reduced to two, over saying she was going to shoot other kids and herself with BUBBLES from a Hello Kitty bubble gun.

The Taliban issues these

Digest that a minute.

The lunatics of the Mt. Carmel, PA school system characterized the incident as a "terroristic threat" and labeled the little girl's action as a "threat to harm others"... Seriously...They interrogated the child for hours without her parents present, according to the family's lawyer, and the girl was forced to undergo psychological testing by an independent practitioner before they would allow her back into school, with the incident being added to her permanent record.

I've seen Parkinson's patients with less of a knee-jerk than this.

When I was a kid, I actually never needed to make finger-gun gestures. We had toy guns instead. I had an arsenal of them. I never wanted the cowboy six-shooters; I never played Cowboys & Indians or Cops & Robbers. No, I had a replica Luger cap gun and a pretty realistic M-1A1 Thompson sub machine gun (the WW2 Army version of the Tommy Gun). The Thompson replaced a series of bolt-action toy drill rifles based on the old 1903 Springfield that almost every male child born before 1980 played with.

The Luger cap gun I took from a captured SS officer in my back yard

The Thompson M-1A1

I had a dozen of these, I swear.

Nope, no cowboys or cops for me; I was a pint sized SGT Rock. I liberated my neighborhood from the Nazi scourge before bedtime.

Strange, I don't recall me or any of my childhood friends growing up to be psychotic adults who mow down kids and shoot up shopping malls, and we did far more than make simple finger gestures.

By this new Liberal Assault Finger Logic, if you flip someone the bird you'll be arrested for rape.

Headed for a life of crime...