The Pipes and Drums of......Homeland Security?

I almost choked on my Belvita cracker when I read this crap about Homeland Security putting in (and then almost immediately cancelling) a purchase request through the GSA for accessories to outfit a bagpipe band.

Yes, a bagpipe band.

What in the hell does the Department of Homeland Security need with a bagpipe band? Don't get me wrong; I love bagpipes. I have friends who are in various pipe bands. My own paternal grandfather was a drummer in a bagpipe band. I attend Scottish events and own a kilt & all the accessories.

But, really, we have terrorists running loose and illegals pouring across our wide open borders to receive amnesty at the hands of the Left. Aren't we in the middle of a sequester that allegedly cut federal spending? I know that my buddy Jack who works for the federal prisons, keeping scumbags locked up, and he has unpaid days off now. My buddy Joe, who works internet security keeping hackers out of government computers, took a $17,000 pay cut due to the sequester. The military had to cut tuition assistance to soldiers on active duty trying to further their educations while keeping us safe from harm. But Homeland Security wanted a bagpipe band? For what?

Lads & lasses, let me assure you; this stuff ain't cheap. I know from experience. The entire purchase request is available here to verify my veracity, but I'll repost it if you haven't seen it.

The DHS Customs and Border Protection requires the following items, Brand Name or Equal, to the following:
LI 001: Carbon Bagpipe Drone Reed Set, 5, EA;
LI 002: Bagpipe Chanter Reeds-Easy, 12, EA;
LI 003: Bagpipe Chanter Reeds-Medium, 12, EA;
LI 004: Deluxe Bagpipe Bag Covers w/ Non-slip Grap Patch and Zipper, 5, EA;
LI 005: Drone Cords, 5, EA;
LI 006: Highland Bagpipe Tuner and Metronome with cases, 2, EA;
LI 007: Combination Tuner and Metronome, 6, EA;
LI 008: Black Polypenco Bagpipes w/ cases, 10, EA;
LI 009: Polypenco Bagpipe Chanter, 10, EA;
LI 010: Bellows Blown Blackwood Smallpipes in "A" w/ cases, 4, EA;
LI 011: Black waxed bagpipe hemp, 4, EA;
LI 012: Real Beeswax, 4, EA;
LI 013: Long Polypenco Practice Chanters, 10, EA;
LI 014: Bagpipe Tutor Book - VOL 1 C.O.P., 10, EA;
LI 015: Practice Chanter Reed, 10, EA;
LI 016: Rol of Pipe Bag Tie-In cord, 2, EA;
LI 017: Tapered Reamer, 1, EA;
LI 018: PiobMaster 2.3 CD ROM-Bagpipe music writing software, 1, EA;
LI 019: Pipe Band Base Drum Carrier, 2, EA;
LI 020: Folding Bass Drum Stand, 1, EA;
LI 021: Inverness Rain Cape, 14, EA;
LI 022: Glengarry Plain, 15, EA;
LI 023: Snare Drum Stand, 4, EA;
LI 024: Pipe Band Snare Drums-Black, 4, EA;
LI 025: Snare Carrier-Silver, 4, EA;
LI 026: 16" x 12" Pipe Band Tenor Drum, 4, EA;
LI 027: 18" Bodhran Pack w/ Beater, 4, EA;
LI 028: Deluxe triple function drum sling, 2, EA;
LI 029: Heavy Duty Tenor Drum leg rest, 2, EA;
LI 030: Drum-Mount Snare Drum stick bag, 4, EA;
LI 031: Heavy Duty Drum Key, 2, EA;
LI 032: Short Black Classic Tenor Mallets, 3, EA;
LI 033: Black Bass Beaters, 2, EA;
LI 034: TyFry Tenor Tutor Tenor Instruction DVD/CDROM, 1, EA;
LI 035: Snare Stick Set, 10, EA;
LI 036: Square Tenor/Snare Drum Case, 5, EA;
LI 037: Spats Canvas-White, 20, EA;
LI 038: Hose-Blue, 14, EA;
LI 039: Flashes-Red, 14, EA;
LI 040: Leather Day Sporrans-Black, 14, EA;
LI 041: Horsehair Sporrans, 14, EA;
LI 042: Sgian Dubhs, 14, EA;
LI 043: Shipping/Handling/Delivery, 1, EA;

From experience I can attest to the cost of certain items. Item 40, the leather day sporrans, average about a hundred bucks a pop. They ordered 15, so call it $1500 bucks for that line item alone. The horsehair sporrans for pipe bands run, say $300, so there's another $4200 for the 14 ordered. Blue kilt hose for 14 people at $25 a pair is $350, and the 14 pairs of flashes at $20 each is $280. If you shop around you can get those 15 plain Glengarry hats for only $45 each....I kinda got shafted when I dropped over $60 on a diced Glengarry 14 years ago (dicing is the nifty red & white checks on Scottish headgear that generally denoted affiliation with the military in the past but is now more of a decorative thing). Call those 15 Glens another $675. Those Inverness rain capes for playing in inclement weather are about a hundred each, so there's $1400 more.

A 16 x 12 Pearl tenor drum runs you a good $570 each, and they wanted four. That's $2280. Snare drums from Yamaha are around $609, or $2436 for the four. An 18" bodhran drum from Meinl is around $140, making it $560 for the four. White canvas spats to go over your Ghillie brogues (traditional shoes work with a formal kilt outfit) are $25 a set, so 20 sets is another $500. And the sgian dhu (Gaelic for Black Blade) is the wee dagger carried tucked inside your kilt hose with the handle sticking up out the top, those can really vary. I have several. A nice dressy one can run another $100, so that's yet another $1400 for this purchase.

See? I told you this gets expensive REALLY quick.

This is not exactly a spur of the moment purchase, either. This has been an ongoing process, actually. Back in September of last year, the purchase of 12 sets of bagpipes was awarded to MacLellan Bagpipes of Monroe, NC. The contract price was $27, 060 for the set of 12 or $2,255 a piece. Funny thing is, the MacLellan website sells their pipes for $1500. Somebody got shafted, namely Joe Taxpayer.

What hasn't been covered, either, is the cost of the kilts for, say, 15 people. I paid $500 for mine when I ordered it. That could mean a good $7500 in kilts alone. They'll likely need piper's doublets, a military-type jacket favored by pipe bands. They're actually cheaper on average than the Argyll jacket I wear for my formal occasions. I paid $375 for my Argyll, but many places sell the doublets for a mere $200 to start, so that's $3000 for the 15. The footwear, as previously mentioned, are a type of wingtip shoe called a Ghillie brogue that laces up your calf. Those run about $150 a pair for the type needed for marching, so there's $2250 in shoes. Those Glengarry hats need a cap badge (as low as $20 depending on what they use, or $300) and kilt pins for 15 will be another $300. Who knows what they'll pay for the white shirts & ties...

The band leader, the Pipe Major, will most often be attired additionally in a pipe major's sash (as low as $40), a fly plaid (a piece of tartan fabric that is flung over the shoulder, perhaps $200 thereabouts), a large scepter called the Mace (a good $300) and in many cases an enormous bearskin hat. That hat can be a good $500 on its own.

Again, this is an expensive thing to get into. In the middle of a recession that spawned a sequester, Big Sis Napolitano and company are going to drop a good $100,000 or so to outfit a band to accompany their armored vehicles and huge weapon & ammo purchases. Meanwhile, our border is a sieve and terrorists are doing the Allah Akbar Shuffle from Texas to Boston.

Hey, Big Sis: EXPLAIN YOURSELF.

Was ist los mit Große Schwester? (What's up with Big Sis?)

Man, it seems that the furor over the Gropenfürher sure died down quickly after Thanksgiving weekend. After the biggest travel weekend of the year, we've heard nary a peep about heavy-handed TSA tactics. I find this a bit curious and damn near suspicious.

Being government functionaries, I sincerely doubt that in 2 short weeks they've completely retrained everyone and stopped their overbearing Gestapo searches.

Oh, wait... that's because the Lamestream media is covering other things instead. Fickle and possessed of the attention span of a fruit-fly, they seem content to bring us things like Bill Clinton's triumphant return to be Obama's Dress-Stain Czar and Timmy Geithner's kidney stones.

But while we were otherwise distracted, whether by radicals rioting in London or by Democrats eating their own, the TSA continued to do stupid things.

Among these would be selecting the sari-clad Ambassador to the United States from India for a feel up pat-down. Nothing like causing an international incident by feeling up a foreign diplomat. Ambassador Meera Shankar, 60, was selected for a pat-down last weekend by a TSA screener at Mississippi's Jackson-Evers International Airport. In fact, this was the second time in 3 months Shankar was selected for a pat-down.

(Hey, TSA.....a sari is not a burka...oh, wait, you wouldn't check anyone in a burka; that might offend someone).

India has protested, and Shrillary Clinton said she'd look nto it but offered no immediate apology.

Former Playboy Playmate and Baywatch actress Donna D'Errico was singled out & forced to go through a full body scan at LAX. Golly gee, I wonder why? Everyone wanted to scope the hottie. When asked by D'Errico why she was being scanned, the screener said "Because you caught my eye.". D'Errico further stated that after the search she noticed that the agent who pulled her out to be scanned was smiling and whispering with two other TSA agents and glancing back at her.

Has the TSA really stopped anything with these Draconian searches? I mean, we seem to be finding all these airborne attacks by accident or through FBI setups and stings. Dude screws up setting his shoe on fire; now we have to take our shoes off in a germ-filled public place. Dude tries to mix liquids in-flight to make a bomb and fails; now we can't take anything more than an eyedropper with us and have to buy all new stuff at our destination that we can't bring back with us. Dude sets his underwear on fire and fails; and almost a year later we've got Holiday Gropefest 2010. It's all reaction, not proaction. They do something, botch it, and TSA scrambles to make life harder on everyone without PROFILING THE PEOPLE THAT DO THIS STUFF. Old ladies, babies, Playboy models, and amputees....but heavens forbid we pat down Muslims in burkas.

Dude fails to set his bomb off properly in Times Square, gets caught after an observant person on the street alerts authorities. Dude is a naturalized American citizen and a Muslim. Hmmmmm. Dudes send bombs disguised as printer toner cartridges and bombs are found by alert people overseas, not by TSA. Dude tries to blow up a tree lighting and fails; young Muslim from Kenya. FBI stings a dude (an American Muslim no less) trying to blow up a recruiting office. Instead of stopping terrorists, the TSA is terrorizing the general public.

TSA has about 60,000 employees, and today there are about 350 full-body scanners in operation in about 70 of our nation's airports, with about 1,000 expected to be operational by the end of 2011. All of this costs more that $10 per passenger per screening. (That doesn't count fees that airlines charge passengers for everything under the sun) That also means that those of us who pose no danger will be forced into enhanced scans at the airports that have them, but the terrorists will simply choose to begin their flights at airports that do not yet have those procedures or equipment. Reactive, not proactive.

Christmas weekend is coming kids. Expect more lines. Expect more delays. Expect to hear about the TSA again, because while the Blamestream Lamestream isn't saying anything, some of us are.

Make sure you address your TSA storm troopers by their proper ranks and titles. This handy chart will help you out; just click it to see it better and save it to your desktop.