Twatzillas

Please tell me why I should give 2/3 of a rusty fuck about anything and anyone even remotely associated with MTV’s waste of airtime My Super Sweet Sixteen? A bunch of hideously spoiled, pampered, and over-privileged snotty bitches about to turn 16 get some sort of giant dream party thrown for them by rich dickhead parents (read: ENABLERS) and get showered with lavish gifts and tons of ass-kissing by bootlick lackeys who want to get invited to the supposed “party of the century”.

Most of us, if we got anything special at all, got pretty much the same thing on our 16th birthday: maybe a couple outfits, a CD (or a cassette if you’re old like me), maybe a twenty from Grandma, and a cake. These little bitches are getting all whored up in Versace evening gowns to have their black-tie galas at the swankiest hotel ballrooms, Mummy books some flavor-of-the-day rap star to play 3 songs, and they snivel and cry because Daddy didn’t buy the right color Lexus convertible.

These are the kind of prissy little twats who grow up to be the difficult, unpleasant, bitchy, selfish head-cases on Bridezillas, another show that makes me wanna reach for a large-caliber handgun. I’ve been married twice, been part of about 6 more weddings, and attended a good 30 or 40 more weddings in my lifetime. From experience, I know that there’s a slight modicum of stress involved in putting a wedding together and hoping everything comes together perfectly. However, the control-freak lunatics on this show are enough to turn any sane person off to weddings in particular and marriage as a whole.

One bride banned her own mother from the wedding because she didn’t like her outfit. Another considered becoming bulimic to fit into her dress. Another superficial cow ordered her young daughter not to smile in the wedding pictures because she was missing a couple front teeth, this after throwing a huge tantrum at the wedding rehearsal and got herself kicked out………of her own rehearsal. WTF?

One day soon, I’m gonna see some poor bastard groom being devoured by his grinning maniacal spouse, mantis-style. That, or some guy is gonna take one insult too many & mace her ass with pepper-spray. That I’d pay to see.