Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Cavalcade of Dumbness

Lots of dumb crap in the news the past couple weeks, kids. I’ve just been too busy to poke it with a stick & see what sort of ichor oozed out. Each story is dumber than the one before it, and you’re left not quite knowing whether to laugh, cry, or climb a bell tower with a burp gun.

First there’s the supposed controversy surrounding an ad that FoodTV/talk show host Rachael Ray did for Dunkin Donuts. The Powers That Be at Dunkinz pulled the ad over fears that they’d be boycotted after columnist Michelle Malkin and other conservative observers thought the scarf looked too much like a kaffiyeh, what Malkin describes as "the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad." I’ve seen the ad, and it looks like Ray is wearing….GASP!!!! A scarf. I’ve seen kaffiyehs and this, friends, is not a kaffiyeh. You might be able to confuse Ray with The Joker, but not an operative for Hezbollah. I think I saw Ellen Degeneres wearing a red & white scarf on her show today so is she a jihadist too? (Please…she’s a lesbo, not a Hezbo.)

Then you have the polygamist cult disguised as Mormons at the Yearning for Zion Ranch, or as I call it, the Texas Harem For Teen Mothers. After authorities stepped in and took 400-odd kids (with about only 5 sets of DNA branchings) from their parents as part of an investigation into underaged brides being used as concubines for cult leaders, the news feeds were full of freakishly plain zombie women in pastel gunnysacks taken from the set of Little House on the Prairie. They make the Amish look positively chic. Each woman would dodge questions in a Stepford-like monotone with a pre-scripted speech and say they just wanted their babies back. They make regular Mormons look bad. I've never seen anything even remotely like this in any of the Mormon friends I've had over the years.

Somehow I thought judges in Texas were smarter than this, but after a few weeks in foster care their Supreme Court ordered the kids returned to their families, just in time for the traditional June wedding season. The lesson in this is that it’s cool to force 13-year olds to marry 50-year olds, so long as you disguise it as “religion”. Cult leaders have said they’ll stop marrying underaged girls, but said nothing about pumping them full of babies out of wedlock.

And over across the pond in Myanmar, or what everyone except Myanmar calls Burma, a huge hurricane tore through the nation and killed tens of thousands. The world rushed to offer aid, and the military government, perhaps the most corrupt in the world, pretty much said no. They felt that they could handle the situation themselves, and handled it by stealing the few supplies that they allowed in for themselves while thousands more died.

Well, today we finally pulled anchor on the ships that we had offshore waiting to airlift relief supplies to the countryside after the country’s “leaders” claimed that they feared we were going to invade Myanmar to steal their oil deposits. C’mon, guys. Be for real. If we were gonna invade your back-assward Fourth World Cesspit, we’d send in wave after wave of stealth aircraft to bomb you to powder first. We wouldn’t send in a destroyer, an oiler, and a couple of “gator freighters” with 23 helicopters and 4 landing craft.

And finally, today the world celebrated the 19th anniversary of the uprising in China’s Tiananmen Square by continuing to reward China’s abysmal human rights record by getting ready for the Olympics. I mean, hell, China has enough to worry about with the earthquakes & stuff to give them any crap over it now, right? And that dude had it coming anyways. He shouldn’t have climbed on that tank with that big bad briefcase.


VENTL8R said...

In regards to the FLDS, if you haven't already, I STRONGLY encourage you to read "Under The Banner Of Heaven" by John Krakauer. An amazingly disturbing book. Follow that up with Carolyn Jessop's "Escape" and you'll truly be scratching your head about the FLDS....assuming you aren't already.

Saphyre Rose said...

I knew it! Rachel Ray is the love child of the Joker and Donatella Versace!!! With the voice of Peter Faulk. No offense to Columbo!

So, that is supposed to an Arabic scarf? I got one of those, it came from Hezbollah Target, someone better stop them!

Good job on the blog!