Like, oh my GAWD! International Change Day is Tuesday!!!

Tuesday marks the beginning of the Reign of the Messiah Barack Hussein Obama, and what better way to kick off the Great Change by spending $50 million dollars on what amounts to a grandiose party attended by Queen Oprah of Chicagoland, Beyonce, Tiger Woods,and dozens of other luminary figures?

The official theme for Inauguration Day is "A New Birth of Freedom," in honor of the 200th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln's birth. However, we all know damn well that the words "change" and "yes we can/yes we did" will be thrown about like "Deutschland Uber Alles".....

Speculators say that $40 million to $50 million is the estimated cost of the 2009 inaugural parade, balls, opening ceremonies, and other expenses for the Presidential Inaugural Committee, and thee inauguration will also cost the District, Virginia, and Maryland a fair amount for security, cleanup, etc. The DC Police dropped $360,000on 12 new motorcycles for the events. Since it’s supposed to be about 29 degrees or so, I’m assuming those $30,000 bikes have awesome heaters.

There isn’t a hotel room to be found in a hundred-mile radius. Estimates run at between 1.5 and 2 million people are showing up to clog the city and mill about in the freezing cold, fighting traffic, fighting crowds, fighting lines, and fighting each other for some sort of asinine bragging rights and the ability to say they witnessed “CHANGE” first-hand.

You dumbasses. Unless you’re up there on that platform, you really won’t see shit. You could have saved yourself hundreds of dollars that you’ll need as the economy circles the drain and stayed home where it’s warm, and seen it much better from your La-Z-Boy recliner on TV. At least from your living room you’ll actually see it, instead of the back of some schmuck’s head in line in front of you. Make sure you stimulate the economy with an assload of shitty souvenirs, chum. We need the commerce.


The U.S. Secret Service is overseeing a security force of more than 40,000 people, including 7,500 active duty soldiers, 10,000 National Guard troops and 25,000 law-enforcement officers.

That surpasses the 31,000 troops serving in Afghanistan. So while units hunting down the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists may or may not have enough troops to do the job right, the District of Columbia will be in a virtual lockdown. Bridges into Washington and about 3.5 square miles of the capital's downtown will be closed Tuesday. My heart goes out to the poor working stiffs who have to try and get to work and go about their business Tuesday in this clusterfuck.

The security effort goes into full effect when Obama starts making his way to Washington from Philadelphia by train Saturday. Thousands of officers from 40 police jurisdictions will line the 137-mile route. Crowds are expected to gather at numerous spots along the way, including overpasses, parking lots and commuter train stations, ust to say they saw the train go by.

Security is a nightmare. The Metropolitan Police Department will deploy 4,000 officers, and it will have help from an additional 4,000 officers from 99 federal, state and local law-enforcement agencies across the country. Frozen snipers, God bless those hardy professionals, will be positioned on rooftops and balconies along Pennsylvania Avenue, ready to drill you in the forehead for reaching in your pocket for a tissue in a threatening manner. Nondescript boxes that can detect the airborne releases of chemical or biological weapons will be scattered among the crowds. Imagine the stampedes if one of those alarms goes off?

Every one of the 240,000 people attending the actual swearing-in ceremony will be screened by walk-through or hand-held metal detectors, and every one of them will have to be scanned 6 times because they’re carrying change and nail clippers and metal belt buckles and other shit that sets off every metal detector in every airport worldwide and people still insist on carrying. You think a line at Atlanta-Hartsfield Airport is insane, try that with 239,999 other people.

Air Force fighter sweeps will be loaded for bear overhead, looking for any stray Cessna straying off course. Imagine the grief from shooting down some assclowns trying to fly over for a glimpse of the Blessed Event, with flaming wreckage raining down on a million-strong throng of pilgrims seeking the new Messiah? That’d be some change, indeed.

Dude, I hated being in the crowd at WalMart on Black Friday so depositing me in a crowd of a million members of ObamaNation out in the cold is a moot point. I’m sure I’ll see the highlights on the evening news when I get home from work Tuesday.

Gee, I hope I don’t miss too much change in between the swearing in and when I get home…I’ll have to make sure I tune in for all the Inaugural Ball updates.

The actual schedule:

SATURDAY, JAN. 17
•Obama and his family ride the train from Philadelphia to Washington, stopping in Wilmington, Del., for Vice President-elect Joe Biden and his family. Train will stop in Baltimore for speech before heading south. A feeling of impending change will envelop everyone within earshot.

•BET Honors, an awards ceremony, at the Warner Theater.

•People's Inaugural Gala Celebration at the Grand Hyatt Hotel.

•Will.i.am "Yes We Did" concert.

•Concert with Mary J. Blige, Common, and Nelly at nightclub Ibiza.

SUNDAY, JAN. 18
•Obama will kick off inaugural activities with a welcome event on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial on Sunday afternoon. The event begins at 2:30 p.m. Beyonce, U2, Bruce Springsteen, John Mellencamp, Usher, Shakira, Sheryl Crow, Josh Groban and James Taylor are among the musicians scheduled to perform.

•Presidential Inaugural Luncheon and Fashion Show at the Ritz-Carlton. Nothing says "presidency" and "world leader" quite like the frivolity of a fashion show.

•EMILY's List Inaugural Luncheon with scheduled guests including Cabinet appointees Hillary Rodham Clinton and Janet Napolitano, Senators Kay Hagan and Jeanne Shaheen, and North Carolina Governor Bev Perdue.

•African-American Church Inaugural Ball at the Grand Hyatt Washington.

•2009 Latino Inaugural Gala with Marc Anthony at Union Station.

•Aloha Inaugural Ball, organized by former Obama campaign workers, held at the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel at 7:30 p.m.

MONDAY, JAN. 19
•National Day of Community Service event: To honor Dr. King's legacy, Obama, Biden and their families, joined by Americans across the country, will participate in activities dedicated to serving others in communities across the Washington, D.C. area.

•Black Tie & Boots Inaugural Ball, sponsored by the Texas State Society, at the Gaylord National Resort & Convention Center.

•Green Inaugural Ball at the Donald W. Reynolds Center for American Art and Portraiture. Ball hosted by former Vice President Al Gore.

•Huffington Post preinaugural ball at the Newseum.

•Hip-Hop Inaugural Ball at the Harman Center for the Arts. Hosted by the Hip-Hop Summit Action Network, Russell Simmons, LL Cool J, among others.

•A children's evening concert at the Verizon Center honoring military families. Event hosted by Michelle Obama, who will attend. Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers are among the entertainers.

•Obama to attend three private dinners to honor former secretary of State Colin Powell, Biden and Sen. John McCain, the 2008 Republican presidential nominee, for their public service. Dinners at the Hilton Washington, National Building Museum and Union Station.

TUESDAY, JAN. 20 (INAUGURATION DAY)
Gates to the Inaugural Ceremony open at 8 a.m. The inaugural festivities are scheduled to start at 10 a.m. on the West Front of the U.S. Capitol. They will include:
•Musical selections of The United States Marine Band, followed by the San Francisco Boys Chorus and the San Francisco Girls Chorus.

•Senator Dianne Feinstein provides call to order and welcoming remarks.

•Invocation by the Reverend Rick Warren.

•Musical selection by Aretha Franklin.

•Biden will be sworn into office by Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens.

•Musical selection of composer/arranger John Williams, with Itzhak Perlman, (violin), Yo-Yo Ma (cello), Gabriela Montero (piano) and Anthony McGill (clarinet).

•Obama will take the Oath of Office, using President Lincoln's Inaugural Bible, administered by Chief Justice John Roberts. Scheduled around noon.

•Obama gives the inaugural address. Change begins immediately as the entire world’s problems are instantly solved.

•Poem by Elizabeth Alexander.

•Benediction by Reverend Joseph E. Lowery.

•The National Anthem by The United States Navy Band "Sea Chanters."

•After Obama gives inaugural address, he will escort outgoing President George W. Bush to a departure ceremony before attending a luncheon in the Capitol's Statuary Hall.

•The 56th Inaugural Parade will then make its way down Pennsylvania Avenue from the Capitol to the White House. Masses will adore the Messiah as Change occurs in front of their eyes.

Later that day, the Presidential Inaugural Committee will host 10 official inaugural balls:
•Neighborhood Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.

•Obama Home States (Illinois and Hawaii) Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.

•Biden Home States (Pennsylvania and Delaware) Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.

•Midwest Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.

•Mid-Atlantic Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.

•Western Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.

•Commander in Chief's Ball at the National Building Museum.

•Southern Inaugural Ball at the National Guard Armory.

•Eastern Inaugural Ball at Union Station.

•Youth Inaugural Ball at the Washington Hilton.

Unofficial balls include:
•Congressional Black Caucus Inaugural Ball at the Capitol Hilton.

•Creative Coalition Inaugural Ball at the Harman Center for the Arts.

•Recording Industry Association of America's ball for Feeding America.

•BET's Inaugural Ball at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel.

•Africa on the Potomac inaugural celebration at Crystal Gateway Marriott in Arlington, Va.

•American Music Inaugural Ball at the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel.

•Inaugural Purple Ball at the Fairmont Hotel.

•Human Rights Campaign's Equality Ball at the Renaissance Mayflower Hotel.

•Inaugural Peace Ball at the Smithsonian National Postal Museum.

•Impact Film Fund ball.

I’m sure MTV will have a ball too. After all, Obama’s a rock star, right?

Ahem...I said Enough With The Obama shirts, got it?

A short while ago I clambered atop my golden soap box and said “Enough with the damnable Obama t-shirts already!”.(http://mojosteve.blogspot.com/2008/12/enough-with-obama-t-shirts-alreadyand.html)

Well, apparently, someone wasn’t paying attention. Some company called Yellow Cake Designs (oh, how cute. Named for a concentrated form of uranium used in making fuel rods…and weapons) is selling these overpriced rags because they’re trendy and supposedly fashionable.

I’m sure as hell not gonna pay $38 to $44 for an onion-skin thin, see-through tee with a shitty silkscreen of Obie-Wan the Messiah on it. I’d be loathe to pay anything over 25 bucks on a concert shirt from a band that I’ve loved for 20-plus years, let alone the President. Two years ago, I parted with 30 bucks at the last Erasure concert for a rather thin shirt that has miraculously not shrunk to the size of a wash cloth after a run through the laundry, and I honestly can’t believe that the shirt I bought in Montreal at the Depeche Mode show in 1998 is still wearable.

But I digress.

If you’ll drop that kind of scratch on a Gap reject rag with a Rorschach blot on it that looks like Obama in much the same way that wrinkle on a potato chip looks like the Virgin Mary, then you deserve to have your wealth redistributed.

What's a little torture among friends?

Attorney General-nominee Eric Holder Jr. declared Thursday that waterboarding is torture, forcefully breaking from years in which the Justice Department deftly avoided the sensitive question about U.S. interrogation methods. It was the latest signal that Barack Obama plans a sharp 180 degree turn from the Bush administration. As recently as last week, Vice President Dick Cheney defended waterboarding, saying it provided valuable intelligence. The CIA has used the tactic on at least three terrorism suspects, including alleged 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.

Holder reiterated Obama's promise to close the detention center at Guantanamo Bay but said doing so would be difficult. Many detainees could be transferred to other countries, he said, and some could be charged in U.S. courts. The big question, however, is what to do with dangerous terrorism suspects who cannot be charged in civilian courts.

"We're going to have to try to figure out what we do with them," Holder said.

Well, no shit there, sunshine. That’s an obvious understatement. What countries are gonna want to take these assholes in? It’s the hottest potato on the planet. It verily invites ill will from terrorist organizations and even some of our staunchest allies can be complete jellybacks when dealing with Islam. (Yes, England, I’m talking about you, and your constant acquiescing to Muslims.)

You know what? I don’t care if they close Gitmo. It’d save us millions of dollars in operating expenses, and in fact those scumbags never should have made it to Gitmo in the first place. They should have been shot on sight, or quickly interrogated by any and all available means, and then killed on pay-per-view, with proceeds going to fund the war on terror.

Is waterboarding torture? Maybe. But it’s about the most innocuous form there is. You strap a dude down, and pour water up his nose so he feels like he’s drowning. Yeah, I know, it sounds nasty and I wouldn’t want it done to me. Panic sets in and most people break pretty quickly. In March 2007, after four years in captivity, including six months of detention at Guantanamo Bay, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed confessed to masterminding the September 11th attacks, the Richard Reid shoe bombing attempt to blow up an airliner over the Atlantic Ocean, the Bali nightclub bombing in Indonesia, the 1993 World Trade Center bombing and various foiled attacks. He is also thought to have had, or has confessed to, a role in many of the most significant terrorist plots over the last twenty years, the Operation Bojinka plot, an aborted 2002 attack on Los Angeles' U.S. Bank Tower, the failed bombing of American Airlines Flight 63, the Millennium Plot, and the murder of Daniel Pearl. I heard Mohammed broke in under 90 seconds; some say 3 minutes. The number two guy in Al Qaeda broke in less time than it takes for me to enjoy a dump. Hell yes.

Riddle me this, dear reader. If we have a terrorist in custody, and he has information that relates to preventing an attack on our country, isn’t it imperative that we find out about it post-haste? Now just imagine if the attack was to be on a school…your kid’s school…your child is at risk of being blown up, or shot, or raped and then shot, and this one guy can talk and prevent your precious child from a horrible death…would you then say that we can’t trickle some water up this dude’s nose to find out how to stop your baby from dying?

I’d turn that faucet on myself, and keep it flowing till my loved one was safe. And you know what? You’d do the same damned thing. Don’t bullshit me and say that you wouldn’t. If you can sit there and say “Boo hoo, we can’t waterboard that man because it violates his rights and if my baby has to die to secure his rights than so be it…”, then you’re seriously one sorry bastard and I pity your kids for having a spineless parent who wouldn’t defend their lives to the fullest.

As a military police soldier I had an opportunity once to participate in a fascinating 3-week training exercise involving units performing their wartime missions, units including the 10th Special Forces Group and the 511th Military Intelligence Battalion. My own unit was operating a mock prisoner-of-war camp, and I guarded the “prisoners” during lifelike interrogation sessions, mostly done in other languages. There was a lot of sleep deprivation and yelling and the occasional solitary-light-bulb-in-a-darkened-tent scenario stuff. I was cool with it, because I know damned well that if I were to ever be captured, that unfriendly forces would do a lot worse than wake me up every couple hours and scream at me.

I loved the fact that we parked our asses in front of the Vatican Embassy in Panama blaring music at enormously loud levels all day & night until Noriega gave up. We still play loud raucous music to disturb the guys at Gitmo, and if I were a musician I’d be stoked to have my stuff being played to help break down the will of terrorists, instead of bitching about it like Trent Reznor, who needs to grow up a little and realize that if he insists on making loud angry music, it can help the common good rather than just lining his wallet with crisp green paper.

Oh, and by the way, Liberal America, water drizzles and loud music are a far cry from what goes on in other countries…and the Rendition Policy of moving prisoners without due legal process to countries without strict human rights protections, or more rather outsourcing interrogations to third-party nations, was pioneered not by GW-Bush, but by his predecessor, your hero, Bill Clinton. Gosh, we can’t torture these fellows, so let’s contract Egypt to interrogate them for us….or let’s get it done in Morocco or Saudi Arabia, or Jordan. Don’t blame Bush…Slick Willy did it first, as early as 1995.

Do I condone torture as a general rule? No. I’m not a frikkin’ sadist. I’m not talking about taping electrodes to someone’s genitalia and flipping the switch. I’m not talking about repeated bludgeoning with a short length of rubber tubing from the Lawn & Garden aisle at Ace Hardware. I’m not talking about bamboo slivers up the fingernail beds. I’m talking about giving someone the sensation of drowning for a short while until such a time as they opt to divulge useful intelligence of terrorist activities that endanger free societies around the globe.

Shootout at the Valero-K Corral

Yeah, that's our car. Three payments made and already ventilated.


A while ago, I thought it was somewhat amusing that you could buy stickers to adorn your car with that looked like bullet holes. They look tacky on an actual car no matter how cute it seems in the packages, but I’m not really amused by them anymore. No, not now that I have an actual bullet hole in my wife’s car.

Without going into too much detail, since it’s all still an open case and all, but if you want, go here: http://www.ctdispatch.com/?p=2501 for the first story that came out about it, although there was a seventh arrest not mentioned in that article. Half the people arrested were juveniles. The short form of the story is that on Tuesday night, filling up with gas, we got caught up in the middle of a dispute between two supposed adults who have had a beef with each other since middle school, shots were fired, and like the good Military Police soldier that I used to be, I had my driver un-ass the A.O. most rikki-tick. (Translation: we got the hell out of there.) See, I was taught that when you encounter a sniper/ambush, drive through it instead of stopping in the kill zone like a good little target and becoming a casualty. Once clear, you then flank the enemy & mount a counter attack. Since I don’t have my concealed-carry permit yet and my trusty .45 was at home like a good, legal handgun, the option of self-defense and return fire was not available.

Later on, we discovered a pretty good-sized bullet hole in the front right quarterpanel of the car, where a round sprayed blindly by some assclown had hit on an oblique angle and shattered against the wheel-well splashguard, missing the tire, and more importantly missing my right kneecap by about 8 inches.

It’s awkward enough calling your insurance company on a busted windshield, deer hit, or a fender-bender. Imagine how awkward it is to call your insurance company with a claim over this? It’s not like every day you get a claim for small-arms fire. I don’t live on the Gaza Strip or in downtown Fallujah. I thought I lived in a quiet sub-rural town. Many states, ours included, mandate free glass replacement coverage in their insurance coverage due to a constancy of need (Hell, we went through three windshields last year) but stray small arms fire seldom occurs around my vehicle. I mean, I don’t carpool with Plaxico Burress, Suge Knight, or Dick Cheney.

I’m grateful that we’re both safe, and that the damage isn’t any worse than it is. But the damage to our piece of mind will take a little while to repair.

I...just...don't....get....it

Being a parody of a Johnny Depp character, who itself is a parody of Kieth Richards, is not clever. Without that LAUGH or APPLAUSE sign flashing overhead, I honestly don't think anyone would get his shtick enough to actually laugh. Douchebag....

It's all in the name....

click the pic! It gets bigger!



“Life On Mars” star Lisa Bonet and her husband, “Stargate Atlantis” actor Jason Momoa, welcomed a baby boy toward the end of December, and his name’s a real mouthful — Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa.

It’s Lisa’s second child with husband Jason, following the birth of their daughter, Lola Iolani, in July 2007. Lisa has a 20-year-old daughter, Zoe, with ex-husband Lenny Kravitz.

Why? Why do you people insist on doing this shit to your kids? It was tough enough to go to school with a ten-letter Polish last name, but at least I had a pretty regular first name. The name Steve doesn’t really cause you to be ridiculed or get your ass a beat-down on the playground at recess.

Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin saddled their kids with the names Apple and Moses. Sting named one of his kids Fuschia. Bob Geldof and the late Paula Yates screwed their kids up with the names Pixie, Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa, and Fifi Trixiebelle, and then Paula had a kid with the equally late Michael Hutchence that they burdened with Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily. Spice Girl Geri Halliwell spawned a Bluebell Madonna. Shannyn Sossamon, for some bizarre reason, named her kid Audio Science (what the fuck?) and Jason Lee named his kid Pilot Inspektor (double what the fuck?).

Jermaine Jackson and Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza (previously married to Jermaine's brother Randy) were ballsy enough to name their kid Jermajesty. Nicolas Cage had a momentary lapse of sanity and named his kid Kal-El, which was Superman’s birth name. Noted strange comic thing (whatever he is) Penn Jillette of Penn & Teller gave his kid the name Moxie Crimefighter, the dumbass. Back in the day, Frank Zappa’s hazy consciousness led him to name his kids Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan, Moon Unit, and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen. Bruce & Demi gave us Rumer Glenn, Scout LaRue, and Tallulah Belle. John Mellencamp loaded his kids down with Hud, Justice, and Speck Wildhorse.

Let us not forget the newest ones, like Suri (Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes), Jagger Joseph Blue (Soleil Moon Frye & Jason Goldberg’s daughter, as if mom’s name wasn’t a warning label of its own), the various names of Angelina Jolie’s brood (Shiloh Nouvel, Pax Thien, Maddox Chivan, Zahara Marley, Knox Léon, and Vivienne Marcheline ) , Gwen Stefani & Gavin Rossdale gave us Kingston, and then gave us and even better name with Zuma Nesta Rock, and then Ashlee Simpleton and her Pete Oh-So-Emo Wentz had to one up the Beckham's pretentiousness by naming their kid Bronx Mowgli. Sweet Jesus. Why not Hoboken Beelzebubba Rooty Tooty Fresh and Frooty?

Stop the fucking madness, people.

And back to Lisa Bonet…chickie, you used to be hot. When did you become a fucking bag lady?

Who The Hell Dressed You?

Click the pic to make it bigger!!!!


When I become President, I will put forth a law that states that every home in America will henceforth be equipped with a full-length mirror so that people can make sure they don't look like a homeless wino before they leave. That way, we could avoid catastrophes like Bjork's swan dress, Lara Flynn Boyle's tutu, and now this bag-lady fuckup by Tom Cruise's prisoner, Katie Holmes Mopather. Granted, this wasn't a red-carpet event that you were headed to, Kate, so I'll cut you the tiniest modicum of slack for that.

Hey Hollywood,you filthy rich bastards,you have access to the world's best designers (for free), millions of dollars worth of jewels (for free) and a team of makeup artists and stylists (you guessed it, for free), and still some of you insist on looking like Helen Keller picked out your clothes after downing a jug of cheap wine. Being avant-garde is just another way of saying TOOL.

The Best of 2008: What You SHOULD Have Been Listening To

Okay, call me a slack-ass. I meant to do this blog a couple weeks ago when I was on Staycation during the Christmas holidays. However…I was busy. Anyways, here we go, without further adieu, the Best of 2008.

I think by now we’ve established that I listen to a lot of music. That’s a given.

I heard an awful lot of crap last year. I also heard an awful lot of stuff that I could stomach, but only so much as to listen to it as background noise, and even then only until something decent came on.

Sad to say, I only heard a few things that really got me pumped & primed this year. Some of it never made it to your local radio stations, and the stuff that did make it was pretty much overlooked mostly, in favor of prepackaged utter gobshite.

In no real particular order, here are the things you SHOULD have been listening to these past few months.

Carolina Liar—I’m Not Over (acoustic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vF_Xly9s7Z0)
Take a guy from Monck’s Corner, SC (just a short drive from me)and team him up with five Swedes, stir, and you get a great rock track. I’ve played this song over & over & it just doesn’t get old. You also need to check out their track “Show Me What I’m Looking For”. Not to boast, but I’ve emailed back & forth with singer Chad Wolfe a few times, and he truly is one of the nicest people you could ever hope to run across. And yes, this song is heard in the Ashton Kutcher/Cameron Diaz film “What Happens in Vegas”. And speaking of Vegas…

The Killers—Human ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6r4KT8-VX0 )
Yet another absolutely brilliant track from the best thing to come out of Las Vegas since “CSI”. The lyrics may not necessarily make sense immediately, but so what? Singer Brandon Flowers says that the lyrics were inspired by a disparaging comment made by Hunter S. Thompson about how America was raising a generation of dancers. Don’t be a perfect little porcelain doll dancer…go out and be imperfect and be human.

O.A.R.—Shatterred ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKl59QttUoY )
The pride of Montgomery County, Maryland, despite what everyone in Columbus , Ohio may think. The band hails from Rockville but met while students at Ohio State University. The first couple times I heard the song I thought that singer Marc Roberge sounded a lot like David Gray (“Babylon”, one of the best songs of 2001...go look it up. Now.) A slow buildup much the same way that Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars” builds up to a nice truimphant finish.

The Veronicas—Untouched ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykW4rtW2eu0 )
Hands down, my 2008 Dance Track of the Year. Ordinarily I’d pass off these twin sisters from Australia as a bubblegummy adult version of Aly & A.J., but this track is more infectious than a 2-dollar crack whore off Spruill Avenue. The production work is great, with a rip-stomping beat and synthesized strings that’ll have you driving 75 in a 45 before you know it. I defy you to play it in the car and not have your speed go up by 10 mph before you’re 30 seconds in.

Pit Bull featuring Lil’ Jon—Krazy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXHXSqkq_tg )
What’s this? Steve likes a Latin Rap song? Dude, I think I’d listen to The Barney Song if Lil’ Jon was involved. The man’s a walking party to go, and a rather good producer as well. And, he likes hockey. This gets my award for Crunked Up Party Song of the Year. It makes you wanna roll the windows down, jack the volume up, and invite everyone else in traffic to bounce along with you.

Album of ther Year Runner Up:
The Cure—4:13 Dream

“The Only One”, live in Rome: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tD9GOKq3ME
Throughout its myriad incarnations and lineup changes, Robert Smith and Company are still one of the best acts ever to play a song. February marks the 30th anniversary of the release of their first single, and it gladdens my heart to see that a band I grew up on is still making viable, relevant music that’s better than 99% of the stuff record labels feed us these days. My only real beef with The Cure’s curent sound is that without the inluence of departed keyboard guru Roger O’Donnell, the guitar-driven songs of this album (and their self-titled 2005 album) lack a certain lushness and luster. Still, this is a damned good record.

Album of the Year
Shiny Toy Guns—Season of Poison

“Ricochet!” ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwoykvYkSdo )
Finally, the long-awaited second full album from STG. After self-releasing two diferent versions of their incredible debut album, “We Are Pilots”, the band released a third version on a major label and the rest is history. A slight lineup change with the departure of Carah Faye Charnow and the addition of Sisely Treasure, and a slight change of sound, from synths complimented by guitars to a role reversal of more guitars complimented by synths.

“When Did The Storm Begin?”, the album’s opening track, is a vicious look at domestic violence that lets you know that this ain’t the same STG you listened to last year. It segues into the brilliant “Money For That”, a great piece of remeniscing for us 80’s kids having our late-30’s epiphanies. The first single, “Ricochet!” , and “Ghost Town” (the next single) are brash and in your face, while “I Owe You a Love Song” and “Turn To Real Life” are perfect pop gems deserving of ample rotation and club play with the proper remixes. I’d love to hear Jacques LuCont and Paul Oakenfold play with them.

Song of the Year Runner Up

The Airborne Toxic Event—Sometime Around Midnight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2YnDlEMXiU

Ever gone to a bar to have a drink and forget about the girl who kicked you in the junk and fed your heart to a pack of rabid squirrels? Ever have her show up at the bar, looking better than ever, and have her come over all non-chalant and ask how you are? Ever watch her leave with some new asshat, knowing full well that he’ll be mattress-backing her in less than an hour, and you just snap inside? Then you’ll absolutely love this song. It’s got the raw emotion and loss of a Smiths song, the melodies of Echo & The Bunnymen, the depth of a Cure track, and the catchy hooks of New Order, and yet it still has a new, fresh sound all its own. From the opening strings to the ending notes tapering off, it’s damn near the most captivating five minutes you’ll experience any time soon.

I heard it a few times in the car but couldn’t really concentrate on it but made a note to check it out, and when I finally did, I just sat there in awe. I was dumbstruck at how cool this track is. Please…go listen.

This leads me, finally, to…
SONG OF THE YEAR

Mirror, featuring Dave Gahan—Nostalgia
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mE45pn_AMW0

Okay, I’m biased. Everyone who’s known me more than six minutes knows that I’m a huge fan of Depeche Mode. Hell, I have three different DM-related symbols tattoed into the flesh of my right arm. And of course, Dave Gahan is the singer for the aforementioned Mode.

MIRROR is the multi-media audio and visual project of cinematic film-noir electronic pop put together by Vancouver-based Thomas Anselmi, featuring Gahan, Joe Dallesandro of Andy Warhol’s films, David Bowie pianist Mike Garson, and introducing chanteuse Laure-Elaine and teen actress Frances Lawson.

Given that lately I’ve been a little tweeked at the prospect of turning 40 in a little over 5 months, and I’ve recently gotten in touch with several of my old Army buddies and high school friends, “Nostalgia” really struck a chord with my current state of being (See “Money For That” by Shiny Toy Guns).

It very well could have been a Depeche Mode track, it’s that good. The instrumentation and general feel is very DM, but not quite as, well, um, shall we say, brooding or quite as dark. (I personally don’t find their music dark but that word gets used a lot in describing it.)

Dave’s voice has never sounded so clear and pure. It’s a lot like the soaring vocals on their 1993 track “Condemnation” but less forceful and much more melodic. It’s like the older Dave Gahan gets, the better he sounds.

"I think he sang it as a love song, but I think he was also aware of the other aspect of the song," Anselmi says, "where it's less about the end of a love affair and more about the end of everything."

The song is melancholy but beautiful. Please go listen to it. You will NOT be disappointed.

For the reason of Dave’s excellent vocals, and for the reason that his bandmate Martin Gore has been buying up loads of old synth gear on eBay, I’m calling the as-yet untitled Depeche Mode album that’s slated for release later this year to be the most highly anticipated album of 2009.

So there you have it. There were other songs I liked this year here and there, but they unfortunately got so overplayed that I now cringe when I hear them on the radio (sorry, Katy Perry). Go take a listen and see for yourselves what wonders I have found….

An Open Letter To The People Of Illinois

To the people of the State of Illinois:

Hi, there. Right now I’m sure you guys are all just a little perplexed at what’s going on with the politicians in your state. You’re currently about one Senator short, what with Congress not letting Roland Burris, who was sort of appointed by your troubled Governor Blagojevich to replace Barack Obama as one of your Senators. Seems that no one trusts your Governor’s decisions any more, not that anyone can really blame them.

Now, Mister Burris might be a decent fellow. I don’t know, since I’ve never met him. However, Blagojevich selected him, which automatically taints him by association. I have a solution for you, however. Allow me to serve as your Senator.

Yeah, I know, I don’t actually live in Illinois. But hell, a Senator spends so much time in Washington that he/she may as well not live in their respective home state anyways. I did make a trip to Illinois once, in late 1990, and spent a night partying in Schaumberg with an Army buddy and a guy he went to high school with. At least I’ve actually stepped foot in your state.

To be a member of the US Senate, you have to be...
• at least 30 years old.
• a U.S. citizen for at least nine years at the time of election to the Senate.
• a resident of the state one is elected to represent in the Senate.

Now, since you’ll be appointing me and not electing me, I think we can loophole the last one. I’m 39 years old, so I’m old enough but still young and energetic. At age 71, Mister Burris is significantly older than me, and may require naps & what not. I’ve been a citizen my entire life, so that’s covered too. I’d like to think of myself as pretty articulate and bright, despite being a college dropout, and I currently have a regular blue collar job, so I’m pretty well-rounded to represent all aspects of Illinois citizenry. I can name at least 5 members of the Chicago Blackhawks hockey team, and I own a Rockford Ice Hogs jersey.

I served as a military policeman for four years in the US Army, so I’m already more qualified to be Commander In Chief than Barack Obama, and he got elected President despite being about as qualified politically as I am. I spent the Christmas holidays on vacation like the President-elect, only I stayed at home instead of jetting off to Hawaii, just like you all stayed home too I’m sure. See? I’m a decent choice to be your Senator. And, best of all, I have never even met Rod Blagojevich.

So, what do you say, Illinois? Senator Steve, at your service. Help me to help you…

On Frozen Pond...

The Chicago Blackhawks, led by Captain Jonathan Toews, roll in on the puck in the Detroit Red Wings' defensive zone.

And another Winter Classic is in the can…

If it’s January 1st, then it must be time again for the NHL to play the now-annual Winter Classic, a hockey game played the old-fashioned way: outside. Almost every pro hockey player grew up spending their winters out on a frozen pond or a home-made backyard rink, and excitement over the opportunity to play in the Winter Classic is huge among players and tickets come at a premium for the fans.

Last year, over 72,000 fans packed the stands of Ralph Wilson Stadium in Buffalo to watch the Pittsburgh Penguins win over the hometown Sabres in a dramatic shootout. There was snow, sleet, wind, and temps in the low 20’s, and fans ate it up.

This year, the game was hosted by the Chicago Blackhawks at Wrigley Field against the defending Stanley Cup champions, the Detroit Red Wings. As an homage to hockey’s roots, the teams wear vintage-design throwback jerseys. The Wings wore sweaters with a design from 1926, their first year in the NHL, when they were known as the Detroit Cougars. The ‘Hawks wore black sweaters combining designs from their 1936-37 and ’37-‘38 seasons.

There was talk of holding the game at Soldier Field, but the Chicago Bears bitched about it because there was a chance that they might need the stadium to play a playoff game 3 days later and there’d a be a hassle in getting all the specialized equipment and miscellaneous gear out of the arena in time to prepare the field for football. Wishful thinking won out when the decision was made back in July to hold the game at Wrigley. The Bears didn’t make the playoffs, and the Blackhawks were 9-1 in their last 10 starts before today’s puck drop. This limited attendance at the game to just under 41,000 fans.

Putting the rink together at Wrigley Field

At the end of the first period, Chicago led 3-1. After that, it was pretty much all Detroit as the Wings scored five in a row over the next two periods. Down by three with ten seconds left, Chicago’s Duncan Keith scored to make the final 6-4, a slightly less painful loss for the home team but a loss nonetheless.

This year the big sponsor was Bridgestone; last year it was Amp Energy. No word yet has been leaked on next year’s matchup, but I have a couple ideas. Hockey is a Canadian invention, and it’s only fitting that a game be hosted in the Great White North. The precursor to the Winter Classic was the November 2003 Heritage Classic, which featured the Montreal Canadiens playing against the Oilers in Edmonton in front of 57,000 hardy souls. Perhaps this is why Montreal was overlooked for this year’s game despite the Habs’ celebrating their one hundredth year as a hockey franchise. I think a Toronto-Montreal game would go over like gangbusters, but I have a feeling that it could very well be a Toronto game against the New York Rangers instead. It needs to be hosted in Canada again to keep things fair to Canadian fans, but I really want to see the Bruins host a game at Fenway Park (because you know that Patriots ain’t gonna let anyone use that stadium during the playoffs…oh, wait; the Pats are currently done for the year, too…).

Notable players at today’s game included Detroit’s Father Time, Chris Chelios, playing in what may have been his 9 millionth NHL game. Actually, the league’s oldest player (he’ll be 47 in about 3 weeks) is in his 25th season, tying Mark Messier as second only to the great Gordie Howe for the most NHL seasons in a career. A Chicago native, Chelios is also a former Blackhawk. Also playing for the Red Wings was goalie Ty Conklin, who played netminder for last year’s Winter Classic winners, the Pittsburgh Penguins. Conklin also played in net for the Edmonton Oilers for the Heritage Classic, making him the only NHL player to have played in all three recent outdoor games.

Celebs is the stands included actors Vince Vaughn ("Wedding Crashers," "The Breakup"), William Petersen ("CSI"), Jeffrey Donovan ("Burn Notice"), Thorsten Kaye (“All My Children”), and George Stults ("7th Heaven"); actress Joan Cusack ("Working Girl," "Sixteen Candles"); Smashing Pumpkins lead singer Billy Corgan; "Wheel of Fortune" host Pat Sajak, film director/writer John Hughes (“Sixteen Candles”, “The Breakfast Club” and almost every other movie I saw in the 80’s) and CBS Sports football analyst and former NFL quarterback Boomer Esiason.

I can’t think of a better way to start the New Year than to watch hockey in its natural surroundings. After floundering for a few years, I’m glad to see the NHL doing it right.


Just another outdoor game for this guy...Ty Conklin, veteran of three outdoor NHL games.