Thursday, July 10, 2008

A lesson in Immigration Reform for McCain and Obama



I know that I’ve covered this stuff before but…

I’m pretty much done with people expecting me to speak Spanish because of people who come here and refuse to speak English.

I’m pretty much done with American colleges giving in-state tuition benefits to illegals and the children of illegals.

I’m pretty much done with illegals getting licenses at state DMV’s, just so the states can score a few extra bucks in revenues. Then again, I guess an illegal with a license will ostensibly have insurance too, which is preferable to being t-boned at the corner of Ashley Phosphate and Stall by an unlicensed and uninsured illegal.

I’m pretty much done supporting illegals with my tax money who aren’t paying taxes, working under the table for spurious employers, sucking off the welfare teat, sucking of the Medicaid teat, and draining Social Security dry.

Look, I’m cool with legal immigration. I’m the product of legal immigration. I helped my own mother study for her citizenship test. I can understand why people want to come here. Just ask us first, okay? Don’t sneak in like some sort of invader. Be thankful we haven’t set up minefields yet. Be thankful that we aren’t using you as live target acquisition training for our sniper programs. Be thankful that the INS just deports you instead of shooting you on sight as insurgent invaders. Come into our country legally and legitimately, tell us who you are and where you are, pay taxes, and learn the language.


I know full-well what it’s like to be in another country where you don’t speak the language. I lived in Germany for two years. I got by as best I could while making an honest effort to learn the language. Of course, I was there as a temporary guest of the German government and the locals made very courteous allowances for the lanuage barrier. It really helped that most of the locals spoke excellent English. I realize that very few of us Yanqui gringoes habla Espanol. Mierda Resistente , ese.

Had I been planning on staying there in Germany as a local beyond my tour of duty, they’d have been fully within the right to expect me to spreche Deutsche and learn better German instead of expecting them to cater to my lack of fluency. So by the same token, if you’re gonna live here, make an honest effort to learn English and fit in instead of expecting all of us to just cater to you.

Of course, the Hispanic community creates that Catch-22 situation where it’s easy to skate by, having so many Spanish-language radio stations, newspapers, and TV stations that it becomes easy to slip between the cracks and maintain the underground existence.

I’m not saying you have to abandon your heritage and ancestry. Hell, look at me; I own a kilt. But face it. This is an English speaking country. That’s how we roll.

And for you immigrants from the Muslim countries, this is also a predominantly Christian country where women can do pretty much whatever they want. We don’t do Sharia Law, we don’t wear burkas, and we don’t kill our women over perceived slights to our honor.

And please, save the story about how the white Anglo-European invaders stole half of Mexico to make California, Arizona, and Texas, and then stole the rest of America from the native tribes. That story is a couple hundred years old now and frankly, I can’t change what people did generations before my people showed up here. This country was already well established before my people got off the boat from Poland in 1914, got off the plane from the UK in 1945, or drove here from Canada in 1960. While it's shameful what was done to the indigenous peoples of the Americas, I can't change it.

Oh, crap. Wait. Why am I even doing this blog post in English? I forgot that you probably can’t read it, and if you can, it’s hard to catch a Wi-Fi hotspot while swimming the Rio Grande with a suitcase over your head. Fear not; some liberal tree hugger will be waiting on the other side to cater to you, and if not, just hit the translate button on Google, I guess.

1 comment:

MojoSteve:The Lightning Man said...

This comment came to me from my friend Joe via MySpace. It was so utterly amazing that I had to repost it here:
"About a month ago, I saw a Latino man stopped at a light at Ashley Phosphate and Rivers Avenue. His "license plate" was handwritten on what appeared to be cardboard, and read (verbatim): "Apli four licen plait".

Now I wonder if his license, registration and proof of insurance were scribbled on the backs of Wal-Mart receipts?"