Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Deport Justin Bieber

My Sworn Enemy

I think it's high time we finally declare Justin Bieber an Enemy Combatant and deport his scrawny little ass back to Canada. I mean, seriously, what kind of visa does this little turd have that allows him to do whatever he wants with no repercussions? Last I checked, those who were here  with a green card or visa to work in my country had to maintain certain standards of good behavior or risk deportation.

I'm kinda curious as to what sort of magic visa this little turd has. He probably has an actual green card for Permanent Resident Aliens. I know that the guys on my local hockey team used to have to scramble every fall to get one of the 66,000 available H-2B work visas granted to minor-leaguers.  The H-2B visa allows for temporary work, less than 12 months, in a variety of professional fields and is the visa all United States-based minor hockey leagues used to use for their players. Now they only use those for guys not on a contract who are coming here on a tryout basis, Otherwise they need a P-1A visa, which is usually granted for from five to ten years. That switch to the P-1A caused a veteran minor-league player to be stopped and turned away at the border over his visa type by an overzealous border guard, and the resulting paperwork delays and associated BS was the effective end of a player's career. Normally I'm cool with having vigilant border agents, but seriously...I'm more concerned with illegals slipping in from Mexico to work under the table or Jihadis trying to gain access to kill me than I am with a guy from Saskatchewan with a bag full of hockey pads and sticks coming here to work.

I know Bieber is here on some sort of visa because on multiple occasions the snotbag has stated he has no interest in becoming an American citizen and bitches about our healthcare system while touting how great it is in his homeland of Canada. Hey, Beebz...I have family in Canada myself. In fact I am 50% Canadian as my mother (a naturalized American citizen) is from Toronto. You know, that big city about 2 hours from where you're from in London, Ontario. If Canada's "free" healthcare is so great why do people in Ontario routinely hop the border to Buffalo for medical care after waiting months to see a dentist or other caregiver? Sure, Canada is a great country, and I'm glad you're proud to be Canadian, but dude, don't come here and buy a mansion and gather up tens of millions of American dollars while talking shit about us, okay?



But why am I so concerned about Bieber's visa status and availability for deportation? Because while most of the world thinks he's all cute and cuddly and a great role model and his legions of pre-pubescent little girl fans worship him like low-information moron voters worship Obama, a growing number of informed grownups are noticing that he is a Supreme World-Class Dick at worst and a spoiled punk-assed kid at best.

In the past few months, Bieber has been all over the news, if folks would bother to look, and not much of it has been even remotely positive:

Back in March there was an alleged altercation with his neighbor after racing his Ferrari up and down the street where our mature young man reportedly spat upon his neighbor.

Gonna be hard getting in that car with that big load in your diaper there, sport.


Lately he's been prone to altercations with paparazzi where he lunges at them and threatens to kill them, all the while his bodyguards pretend to hold back his fearsome 130 pounds.



He's constantly seen by entertainment reporters smoking weed and slurping sizzurp with thugtastical rap types. Mix codeine cough syrup with Sprite and drink until your synapses misfire. That's sizzurp.



His tour bus was raided in April by Swedish police, who found drugs and a stun gun.

He shows up at an airport in Germany with a live monkey and no paperwork. Come on, Germans love their paperwork. Dude just expected everyone to kiss his ass and let him wander about with a monkey. Haven't you seen "Quarantine"? You probably thought it would wear a Rolling Stones vest and bring you dope like in "Hangover 2", right? He then abandons the monkey in Germany, leaving no money for its upkeep, and now the Germans have given it to a zoo.



An Austrian nightclub banned him & his entourage after they started groping girls and smashing peoples' cell phones for daring to take pictures of His Bieberness.

He had the effing audacity to write in the guestbook at the Anne Frank house that he thought Anne would have been a Belieber.



In March he showed up at the airport in Lodz, Poland with his pants falling off and no shirt on despite it being 14 degrees outside and walked topless through the airport before boarding a private jet.



He showed up 2 hours late for a packed concert at London's O2 Arena and blamed it on "technical issues". Look, kid, it was bad enough when Axl Rose used to pull that shit like a diva in front of grown adult rock fans. You did that to an arena full of pre-teen girls on a school night like a dick. At another show he kept fans waiting over 90 minutes because he was too engrossed is a freakin' ping pong game backstage with one of his dancers.

He reportedly had a tantrum during a recent photo shoot for an Elizabeth Arden fragrance in Copenhagen after showing up SIX HOURS late. He threw the fit because they wanted him to wear a bell boy hat and he refused. This puke is quickly getting a reputation as someone that no one wants to work with.



He is rumored to have taken on-again/off-again doormat girlfriend Selena Gomez out to a comped (ie: FREE) meal at some high-dollar establisgment where he didn't seem to feel the need to tip his waiter. Granted, tipping is different in every country you visit, but to leave nothing, especially after the meal is FREE, is downright dickish.

If you go to a party at his house, you're met at the door with a Liability Waiver & Release that states if you talk about what goes on at his house he will sue you for five million dollars. Some would say that it's to protect him from frivolous lawsuits from spurious types who would fake a slip & fall to sue him, but it's more like he doesn't want anyone to know what sort of drug, booze and sex-fueled Bacchanalia he lives in.

He gets spotted in public walking around in a gas mask. Yes, GAS MASK. More than once. Dude, what the hell is WRONG with you?

I love how the bodyguard is all incensed that someone would dare take a picture of The Man Child in his gas mask
 
 I can think of another fruity diva in masks who played with monkeys.....



 Last week there was another episode where Bieber was racing up and down the street in his Ferrari, and this time the pissed neighbor was six feet four inches of retired football star Keyshawn Johnson. Keep it up, kid; someone is gonna stomp your ass flat with the quickness if you keep this up, and I'm gonna laugh and laugh and laugh when they do.

Pull up your pants, douchebag. It looks stupid enough on wannabe thugs, but you're a whiteboy tool from Canada. On you it's beyond comically asanine.





9 comments:

Judith Dillon said...

I could not agree with you more. Far more deserving folks respect and want to stay in the US. They have to jump thru hoops and often are sent back to dangerous situations in their home countries. Do we really need this misfit here? I'm certain that the little girls could find someone far more deserving on whom they could focus their adoration. Deport the TWIT!

Judith Dillon said...

Deport the disrespectful twit, and allow some hard-working and honorable alien to take his place. The little girls will always find someone else they can "adore".

Ashley Mccombs said...

All of u are dumb asses like shut the fuck up like u all think that your perfect but nobody is in this world just cuz he is famous doesn't mean he has to act like a stuck up little bitch,he is a teenager let him act like one every teenager does this,I'm pretty sure all of you guys have done stupied things in your lifetime so leave him alone it's not like he ever hurt anyone of you SO STOP TALKING SHIT ABOUT HIM HE IS THE MOST INSPIERING PERSON EVER IN MY EYES HE GIVES KIDS HOPE AND TELLS THEM TO NEVER STOP BELIEVING,AND TO NEVER GIVE UP ON THERE DREAMS!! I love u justin I will always be a BELIEBER <3

Ashley Mccombs said...

You all need to shut the fuck up,like leave justin alone he never hurt anyone of you so why are you all talking shit about him justin bieber is not a "twit" or a "dushbag" he is an INSPIRATION he gives kids all over the world hope, and tells them to never give up on there dreams and to always work hard, just because he did some stupid things in his life doesn't give u the right to Judge him because the truth is all teenagers do stupid things just like u guys Prob. Did so I think u should stop talking shit about him and start saying good things about him because he is a really good person.
Love,
A BELIEBER <33

Ashley Mccombs said...

U guys are all butholes leave him alone he is the best person ever I LOVE YOU JUSTIN!!
Love,
A BELIEBER<33

Gabbi Rakes said...

I'm with you sister I will always be a belieber. He's a good person and a great role model. He's only human he not perfect but he's not a bad person. People just fail to see the good in him. I don't agree with everything he does but he's a good person. He's not all the bad things people say about him. He's just like us. He does the same things every other teenager does. He's just noticed for it cuz of all the cameras in his face. If you really wonder what the difference between him and an regular teenager is. STOP WONDERING because there's NOT

Steve: The Lightning Man said...

Oh, Ashley, Ashley, Ashley, you ignorant little twunt.....I made you a star last summer... http://mojosteve.blogspot.com/2013/08/answering-hate-mail-from-belieber.html

Steve: The Lightning Man said...

And fear not, Gabbi.... I made you famous too. http://mojosteve.blogspot.com/2014/08/still-douchebag-belieb-it-or-not.html

Michael Bandada said...

Bieber's a role model?! Sheesh, whoever believes in that guy needs a rude awakening...

Bieber's a jerk... BELIEVE THAT!