Saturday, October 10, 2009
The Alfred Nobel Monetary Gift for Bullshittery and Global Ass-Kissery
Look, kids…the blogosphere is SLAM full of folks bitching about this fiasco coming out of Sweden. I’m not gonna harp too too much about it, but I gotta at least mention it.
Nobel Peace Prize? For what? Are you shitting me? For flying around on my dime apologizing to every Third World despot, tinpot dictator, and oil-rich terror-sponsor in the world? Last I knew, they opened the voting for this year’s Monetary Gift for Bullshittery and Global Ass Kissery last November and closed voting in February. His Most Exalted, The Obamessiah, Blessed Be His Name, (Obama Akhbar!!!) had been on the job only about three weeks or so and had only JUST BEGUN to fuck up this country even further than it was already. So what exactly did Mister Done-Nothing do to get this award? Flap his clamshells and make some pretty speeches. Hell, if that’s all the criteria we need, then I guess I shoulda gotten the Nobel Prize for Literature this year. I feel robbed. Again.
I wouldn’t give him the fucking prize out of a Happy Meal.
Nobel Peace Prize…what a joke. Guilt-money left in a trust by a guy who felt bad for inventing dynamite and owned Bofors, a company that makes some really outstanding weapons systems do this day. Delicious irony indeed to have a guy who got rich off of warfare & blowing shit up doling out peace money in perpetuity post mortem.
The best way to get a Prize? Be a Liberal Progressive ass kisser.
Woodrow Wilson, noted Progressive and founder of the League of Nations, precursor to that shit-up squirrel cage at 1st Avenue and 46th Street in Manhattan called the United Nations.
Cordell Hull, one of FDR’s cronies and father of the UN. Thanks Cordy.
Yasser Arafat… known terrorist.
Jimmy Carter, noted disaster.
Al Gore, noted douchebag.
And in several years, they just ran out of enough worthy asskissers and granola munchers and handed the shit out to the UN or various subsidiaries of the UN, the Hague, and international “peace” groups.
I bet Bono is seething with rage under his mosquito netting, wondering why he was passed over again.
If I had a dollar for every pair of Bono shades, I wouldn't need a Nobel Prize...
With any luck, the prize money will be taxed to death by his own administration to where he’s left with just Hope and spare Change. The way the dollar is tanking, his best bet is to ask for the payment in Euros…or just pay him in sides of Wagyu Beef.
In addition to starting his own salad dressing line, it’s also been announced that Obama has already been pre-selected as the next Pope, has been crowned Miss America 2010 and 2011, has won the 2010 Academy Award for Best Picture, received the 2010 Grammy for Best New Artist and Best Spoken Word Performance With a Teleprompter, and will be playing himself in a new Saturday morning superhero cartoon partnered up with Spider Man.