Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Enjoy your fish heads & rice balls



I simply don’t get it; how have we not found a way to impeach that creature enthroned as the Dear Leader in Washington for treason? Most dictionaries define treason as the act of betraying one’s country, although the criteria set forth as treason under Section 3 of Article Three of the United States Constitution don’t seem to have been met, because although Hussein the Beneficent (Blessed Be His Name) has sold us out up the river numerous times he hasn’t exactly waged open war against the nation in the classical sense of the word “war”.

Still with me?

When you attempt (and verily succeed) in destroying your nation’s economy by destroying industries at your whim and make them slaves to other nations to receive the goods & services your own country can no longer provide, that is betrayal of the highest order.

I seem to recall a certain person stating he wanted to bankrupt and destroy the coal industry, an industry that we have relied upon for a good 50% of our electrical power. After his Emacculation the EPA slapped new regulations on the coal industry in an effort to bleed them dry and jack up electricity rates anywhere from 10 to 25%. I found it somewhat coincidental that after wanting to bankrupt Big Coal, the industry suffered not one but two fatal mine accidents in April of 2010 that left 31 dead.

The Great One then decreed that we shall not be allowed to drill for our own oil in the wake of a mysterious and coincidental explosion and massive oil spill off Louisiana (and another platform explosion not long after), all the while telling Brazil that he can’t wait to buy their oil, and while China started to suck out the oil that we would otherwise have been drilling for in the Gulf of Mexico. Gotta love that Cuban sense of socialist brotherhood in inviting China to come drill 90 miles off our coasts.

His Magnificence pissed away half a billion dollars in loans and another 25 million bucks in tax breaks (what? Tax breaks from a Dem? Oh, wait, it’s green energy!) to a now-bankrupt Solyndra. Instead of solar panels, their chief product is unemployed workers. Gotta love the Green Energy Scamfest.

And then our friend, ally, and NEIGHBOR to the north, Canada, offers to help us out by selling us oil on the cheap from their oil sand fields, and all we’d need is a pipeline from those fields to our refineries. Holy crap, an honest to God shovel-ready project! Thousands of people would be employed and we could have a secure source of oil that needed no supertankers traversing the Strait of Hormuz or pirate infested waters off Somalia or a Chinese-owned Panama Canal or having to buy from hostile Arabs, corrupt Mexicans, or lunatic Venezuelan dictators.

Nope. Gotta suckle the teat of the Enviro-Douches. The pipeline might disrupt the menstrual cycle of the Nebraskan 5-Spotted Flying Hamster or some such twaddle, and even if it pisses off the Unions they’ll vote for The Great One like the union bosses order them to, so the pipeline must die. Sorry, no jobs for you, America. Sorry, no secure energy source, America. Sorry, pissed-away opportunities for America.Well, only pissed away on our end. Canada will still be building a pipeline, but west instead of south….west to the coast, where ships will take the oil to…you guessed it, CHINA.

People, we have 625,000 miles of pipelines in this country already. How do you liberal dolts think fuel gets to JFK and LAX and most other major airports?

Meanwhile, gas costs twice as much today as it did when His Lordship ascended to the throne.

Oh, yeah, one more episode of pissing away our money: Fisker Automotive. As if it wasn’t enough to gut General Motors, taking them over and making the Feral Gubmint the main owner and the unions the jackals to pick over the remaining meat from the bones while killing off branded companies like Saturn and Pontiac and after hundreds of millions of dollars in bailouts foisting the Chevy Volt upon the masses, and after Chrysler is left twisting in the wind and then sold off to Fiat and the unions, now we get word of half a billion dollars in loans to Fisker Automotive will be in the toilet as they go belly up.

I know; you’re like “Who the hell is Fisker?” They make nice-looking but hideously expensive electric cars in Finland. Yeah, half a billion of our money pissed away so that eco-douche 1% types (it’s okay to be rich if you’re a liberal, remember) can drive a $100,000 vibrator….ie: a battery operated extension of your penis, made in Finland. Well, they were trying to maybe start making them over here sometime soon, resurrecting the corpse of a dormant GM plant in Delaware (ironic?), but that has now stopped and the 26 employees there are now unemployed, as are 40 to 45 engineers in their California facility. Oh, and they just recalled all of their 2012 Karma sedans (yeah, all 239 of them that were sold so far…a hot seller like the Volt) as it seems they are fire hazards. Another great investment of your money by the Obama Administration…..Karma’s a bitch, eh?

Monday, January 30, 2012

Monday Comics? Why not!












This just in! Campus police at Penn State University were rounding up citizens who were accused of not mourning Joe Paterno loudly enough at his wake last week....

My Celebrity Doppleganger



It has been brought to my attention that I bear more than a passing resemblance to a certain celebrity chef from Food Network. At first I thought it was just one person who saw the resemblance; Kelly, my friend from high school was the first to see it. And then people started to stop me in the grocery store, or at my wife's job, or at the mall where this one clerk at Spencer's Gifts did an actual jaw drop. I get about one person a month now asking if I'm him.

So, what do you guys think? Do I look like Duff Goldman from Ace of Cakes?

A couple years ago I shaved off all my facial hair at the request of my wife, who had never ever seen me without it. I told her it was NOT going to be pretty... she took one look at me & laughed; needless to say I will never shave it off again. I looked like a middle aged Charlie Brown. But she also thinks that I bear a slight resemblance to Andrew Zimmern, host of "Bizarre Foods" on Travel Channel.

Dreamlike State


I've been a fan of the band Erasure for about 25 years or so. Comprised of singer Andy Bell and keyboard god Vince Clarke, they've created an incredible catalog of intelligent, danceable pop that never fails to delight me to no end. I've seen them 4 times; 1989 in Stuttgart, Germany, 1997 in Boston, and 2005 & 2007 in Orlando. They're one of those rare bands that sounds just as good live as they do in the studio on album, and the shows are always a fun, high energy party.

My first attempt at an Erasure video was for one of their B-sides, the gorgeous track "Dreamlike State" from their summer 1990 single release for "Star", from the album "Wild!". It's a fan favorite and has gotten a fair amount of views on YouTube. Enjoy!

I can see clearly now
As the crazy haste of night turns to morning
I lie in a dreamlike state
And wonder if the fear will go away

I know that you're here
In the space that surrounds me
And you make me feel like a kid in a movie
I know that you love me

Like the sound of the sea
Rush in to shore
The air that I breathe
Fills me with your love

I've wasted a thousand nights
For comfort in the arms of a stranger
I thought it would lead me on to
Bigger, brighter things

But you know that I'm wrong
It doesn't exist
And you make me feel like a kid in a movie
I know that you love me

Like the sound of the sea
Rush in to shore
The air that I breathe
Fills me with your love

Like the clouds in the sky
The rain falling down
Washes my feet
Pulls me to the ground

I'm begging you please
Never to leave me
I know you believe
In all I've said and done

And like the sound of the sea
Rushes to shore
The air that I breathe
Fills me with your love

Like the clouds in the sky
The rain falling down
Washes my feet
Pulls me to the ground

I'm begging you please
Never to leave me
I know you believe
In all I've said and done....


Saturday, January 28, 2012

Things You Left Behind


Any kid who went to a college party in the 80s knows who The Nails were whether you realized it or not. Why? Because every decent party in the late 80s had a smartass at the controls of the CD player who would slip in their song "88 Lines About 44 Women", a funny, quirky track where the narrator of the song sings a couple lines each about different women he's slept with. Years later it was even used in a Mazda commercial.

On The Nails' second album, the dark & brooding "Dangerous Dreams", the boys from Boulder had another single that was in the form of a list, a haunting track called "Things You Left Behind". The narrator of the song literally lists off a running tally of things that were left behind at an apartment by a girl he knew, a motley & assorted collection of the flotsam & jetsam of a person's life. You're left at the end still wondering if she just took off or actually shuffled off her mortal coil.

A pair of stockings, a pair of shoes.
A record by The Moody Blues.
A bottle of
Chanel No. 5.
A poster of a band called Dead or Alive.
A silk negligee and a black
garter belt.
A book about how to get to know yourself.
A shirt you adopted, used to be mine…
These are some
of the things you left behind.

Paintings painted by a man you knew,
someone you dated in '82.
An autographed picture of Junior Wells;
I didn't even know you liked soul that well.
Three pieces of paper with cryptic notes.
Cigarettes? You never smoked!
A bag of beads and fishing line.
These are some of the things you left behind.

A dozen contraceptive sponges;
(anyone here got a rhyme for sponges?)
Dental floss, some baby powder
fourteen cans of clam chowder.
Forgotten how much you liked that stuff.
Sex and clams; you couldn't get enough
Your driver's license in '79.
These are some of the things you left behind…

A pack of rusty razor blades;
you threatened to use those things one day.
A nickel bag of Mexican pot
you bought downtown in a parking lot.
A wedding band… Where'd that come from?
Forget to tell me about someone?
A bottle of cheap Italian wine.
These are some of the things you left behind.

A ticket stub to a Broadway play.
A button saying "Make My Day".
A broken mirror with a lipstick smear.
A telephone number where the name's unclear.
Two pressed roses in a blank paged book
containing all the notes that you never took.
A Valentine card saying "Please Be Mine".
These are some of the things you left behind.

A rosary, some holy cards.
A photo of your daddy's Brooklyn bar.
A list of possible job interviews;
a list I guess you chose not to use.
A glacine bag with a printed skull;
I didn't know things had gotten that dull?
A note on the door, one word, "Goodbye".
These are some of the things you left behind.

A
pair of stockings…
A garter belt…
An autographed picture of Junior Wells…
Cigarettes…
Dental floss…
Clam chowder…
A razor blade
Wedding band…
Broken mirror with a lipstick smear…
A valentine card…
A rosary…
A glacine bag…
Heroin? Oh shit, not heroin…
One word, tacked up on my door.
One word
...

"Goodbye"….

The *other* thing that kept me from writing...


Back just before Christmas we received a bundle of joy into our home. Cute, cuddly, with bright blue eyes, just about 8 pounds worth. We got a Weimaraner.

A friend of ours had a spare puppy to get rid of, so we got a Weim for free, saving us anywhere from $400 to $800. I named him Rommel, after the famous German general, and so far he has been hell on wheels. I was a bit unprepared for how fast he was going to grow; at 6 weeks of age he was 8 pounds. At 12 weeks he's 25 and tall enough for the dachshund to walk under with clearance. If he follows his bloodlines, he'll top off at a hundred pounds of muscle.

At least he's finally stopped howling all night and is able to hold his bladder for more than 3 hours at a whack.

Moonlight Sonata


Yeah, my favorite band is Depeche Mode. Back in 1988, as a B-side to their European-only single "Little 15", the band included an achingly gorgeous version of Beethoven's Sonata #14, the Moonlight Sonata, performed solo on the piano by member Alan Wilder. Alan has since left the band to pursue a solo career under the name Recoil, but still remains near & dear in the hearts of Mode fans worldwide.

Back on June 1st, 2010 to commemorate Alan's birthday, I created this montage of photos of Alan throughout his career set to his version of the song. In my humble yet correct opinion it's the best version of this song I've ever run across, and remains to this day my favorite classical piece...hauntingly beautiful....

Fall Down


Back in the late 90s when I was living in Bangor, Maine, I caught the sound of bagpipes on my local college radio station. Intrigued, I kept listening and was taken in by a very cool song from a band I'd never heard of. Molly's Yes were from Tulsa, Oklahoma and formed in late 1996 from the remnants of a number of local bands -- frontman Ed Goggin tenured in Stephen Hero, guitarist Mac Ross was an alum of the Groove Pilots, and bassist Brad Mitcho and drummer Scott Taylor previously teamed in Glass House. Originally dubbed Blink, in the fall of 1997 the group adopted the name Pop Secret, finally settling on Molly's Yes in early 1999. Their debut LP "Paper Judas" appeared soon after, and when the band signed to Universal later that year, the album was reissued under the title "Wonderworld".

I loved the song immediately, and while the band never gained national fame I always held on to the song like some kind of secret treasure that I'd share with friends deemed cool enough. It was a song that I could never find a right & proper video for, so I opted to make my own. It was my first attempt at doing what I've started calling "Literal Image Video" a concept I stole from the 1988 video for Erasure's "A Little Respect", by where the images on screen represent a literal image of the lyric being sung at the time. Still pretty simple, but I was growing...


Under an emerald moon
'neath the sun's furious light
The center of a storm
Or the stillness of night
A million miles away
Or as close as your breath
Before you were born
Or mere seconds from death

When you fall down
I will pick you up
And when you call out
I will come to you I will come to you

On your wedding day
Or a funeral procession
A fleeting notion
Or a moody obsession
A shriek of a devil
Or the laugh of a child
A saint's fervent prayer
Or the call of the wild

When you fall down
I will pick you up
And when you call out
I will come to you I will come to you

And nothing you can do
Will drive me away
Will push me away
Will drive me away, away, away

When you fall down
I will pick you up
And when you call out
I will come to you I will come to you.

Breathe


I've been a fan of The Cure since 1986 or so. It took a few listens to get into them, but by summer of 1987 I was pretty much hooked. I had the joy of seeing them live twice in the early summer of 1989 on the AMAZING "Prayer Tour" for the epic album "Disintegration", which to me is as close to a 100% perfect album as they have ever come. I used to listen to it on repeat for hours.

When the band released the album "Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me" and their 1987 single "The Catch", the B-side track was an achingly beautiful song called "Breathe". Later it was used as the B-side to the American versions of the single for "Just Like Heaven". It was the latter format that allowed me to hear it for the first time, in May of 1988 while on leave from the Army in between Military Police School and reporting to my unit in Germany. I met this delightful local girl named Bonnie who lived a few blocks away from my parents and we had a brief romance cut short by my having to report for duty overseas. We're still friends to this day, I'm happy to say.

While in Germany, I bought the vinyl single for "The Catch" and still have it in my collection. And "Breathe" is still one of my all time favorite Cure songs. The song is really only two members of the band performing; Roger O'Donnell's deeply lush orchestral keyboard arrangements layered upon layer, and the unmistakable voice of Robert Smith. This was only my second attempt at making a video, and for this one I reached into my personal archive of Cure photos on my hard drive to make it. Looking back, I see I made a few mistakes on it in the fades and in using one picture twice. Oh well; we learn from our mistakes.

Written on the grounds of Miraval, the remote French studio where the "Kiss Me" album was recorded, Robert had this to say about the song: "It's a song that means a lot to me. Lyrically it deals with a recurring Cure theme, that hopeless wanting for what has been, knowing that it is gone forever. Musically it's trying to capture the feel of late night Miraval... a beautiful world of stars and sighs."

Breathe
Breathe on me
Be like you used to be
Breathe on me

Move in me
Be like you used to be
Move in me
Move in me

Be with me
Be like you used to be
With me
With me