Monday, August 30, 2010

New stuff coming!

Hey guys....I meant to post yesterday but tragedy struck when, after 5 hours of work, my post vanished into the ether when Blogger locked up and ate my post. I was pissed.

And today I worked a 13 hours shift,, so I had no time to put it back together.

Hopefully tomorrow.....

Saturday, August 21, 2010

You wanna do WHAT, Moochelle?

So, Moochelle Antoinette, the First Lady of WagyuLand and Vacationista Extraordinaire, wants to cure my obesity? Are you kidding me?

The White House consumes more Wagyu Beef than the city of Kobe, Japan, and don't give me that "monounsaturated fat brings down cholesterol" argument. The stuff may taste like velvet (especially if you like to eat raw meat which is how you more or less have to eat Wagyu) but the fat content is through the roof.

You want me to take diet advice from people who are pictured on vacation every couple weeks stuffing their suck-holes full of ice cream?

Is it me, or does POTUS eat ice cream like he used to do gay porn? We report, you decide.....

You want me to take eating advice from people who nominated a chubby country clinic doctor who once worked as an adviser to noted healthy-food purveyors Burger King to be the Surgeon General?

She wants me to change my eating habits but can't get her own husband to change his smoking habits?You want me to take advice from someone who wears a boob belt to restrain the roll?

(Massive thanks to Snarky Basterd at Feed Your ADHD for a part of this Ultimate Boob Belt Collage)

Maybe she can be on my next wave of SadMeal™ packages? You remember those, right?

I'm sure her scowling mug will keep kids from eating them, and the Left by then will have already forced the toys from the packaging.....

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Happy Ramadan, Charlie Brown!!! (Or, State Dinner For Schmucks)

Should we be at all surprised that Obama held court the other night at the White House for a Ramadan feast? I mean, shit, Barry loves to entertain, and he was able to let his hair down & return to his Muslim roots for the evening.

I'm sure Barry had to hide the beers though, since Islam forbids alcohol and he wouldn't want one of his guests to ruin the Iftar meal by screaming "Allah Akbar!!!" and jamming a shrimp fork into B-Hussein's eye for an affront to Mohammed.....Secret Service must have been shitting bricks all night, especially when they brought out the Carvel ice cream cake shaped like an IED instead of Fudgie the Whale.

I wonder if they served Wagyu Goat? I mean, shit, Barry only serves the best, right? Stupid bastard brings the President of Mexico over for dinner & served him.....say it with me now... Mexican food. Felipe wanted some American vittles, and instead got the same shit he could have had at home. Well, not really... since Barry flew in a 5-star chef who'd been on Iron Chef America and used 25 of the most expensive spices in the universe to make, among other things, you guessed it kids, Oregon Wagyu Beef in Oaxacan Black Mole.

I'm curious as to whether our chain-smoking Dear Leader skipped the Kool Menthols in favor of toking up on a hookah pipe?

They could have all just hopped on Air Force One, picked up Moochelle and the kids (no, wait, would women be allowed to attend? Maybe if they all wore hijabs or burkas or some shit) in Spain and flown on to Beirut. Why Beirut? Because the local Chili's had a special Iftar Menu offered up to break the Ramadan fast. Seriously.

Only 37,500 Lebanese Pounds! That's about 25 bucks US......I guarantee there wasn't any bacon on those cheeseburgers, unless they make goat bacon?

Sunday, August 15, 2010

A special edition of The Sunday Comics

This week I wanted to share REAL comics drawn by REAL editorial artists. I recently became a fan of the work of two fellows out there and I think you'll like them too.

Michael Ramirez is a Senior Editor and the editorial cartoonist for Investor's Business Daily....and he's won two Pulitzer Prizes. Much closer to home, right up the road a couple hours in fact, is Robert Ariail, a finalist in the nominations for two Pulitzers in his own right.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Hard Times....

Let's see.....

In 2009 your net income was about $5.5 million dollars. That's on top of spending the majority of that year living free in a 132-room mansion with a staff of servants and chefs that bring you Wagyu beef and fly you everywhere in a private luxury jumbo jet.

In 2008, you only made about $2.6 million.

In 2007, your reported net income was $4.2 million.

In 2006, you reported $991,296.

In 2005, you reported almost $1.7 million, and for several years before that you struggled to get by on around $250,000 a year. Somewhere in that time ya'll bought a 1.5 million dollar home in the Chicago burbs.

Life's a bitch, ain't it homie?

If I take our last five years' worth of tax returns and combine them, I still don't break the $250,000 mark that you enjoyed in an average year, so don't come crying to us on TV about how you've had hard times, too.

No way, homie. I know people who have been on hard times.

Hard times are when you have to send a car back to the bank after only 4 payments & screw your credit rating up because one of you loses a job when their company folds. Hard times are when you snag the coupons out of the newspaper that comes to your jobsite to save extra money without buying a newspaper full of bad news & lies.

Hard times are when people are grateful to have their unemployment extended to 99 weeks because they apply for ten jobs a week and send out 10 resumes a week for a year and a half with no results. Hard times are when employers have dropped wages to the point where you'll LOSE money by taking the one menial job you got offered because it pays less than you were making on unemployment.

Hard times are when the government shuts your industry down to fulfill an agenda. Hard times are when you find yourself sneaking rolls of toilet paper home from work to free up money for the light bill. Hard times are when you get stuck doing the work of two to three people because they won't/can't hire anyone to help you or because they let so many people go that you have to pick up the slack. Hard times are when you can't complain to management about work conditions because they'll just fire you and replace you with someone who'll be grateful to do it for less money and longer hours just to have a job. Hard times are when you have to force yourself out of bed to go to a job you hate, working for people you're smarter than, because at least you have a job and the alternative is worse.

You're on your, what, fifth, sixth, vacation in the last 3 months? I haven't taken a real, honest-to-shit VACATION trip in 10 years. My wife and I have been lucky at best to get a long weekend roadtrip in once a year. My vacation days are really just staycation days where I don't have to go to work. You act like spending 36 hours on the Gulf Coast Redneck Riviera is a hardship, and that creature you married must be sooo jet-lagged after spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on her Marie Antoinette Tour of Spain. I guess after all this vacation time you'll need a vacation in.....Marxist Vineyard. Yup, headed to Massachusetts as soon as you can get away from those vile, evil, blue collar Red Staters down south....

And trust me, I have never (and likely never will get to) enjoy anything with the name Wagyu associated with it. However, if I wanna skip a car payment & risk repossession, I can get a special raised-in-Australia Greg Norman Signature Wagyu Steak Selection from the Saks Fifth Avenue website....and get two 12-ounce strips, two 12-ounce ribeyes, and two 8-ounce petite filets for a mere $300, overnighted to me.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

What Has America Become? (from JSumm)

Shamelessly stolen from my buddy, former Guest Blogger Jim, who has been operating his own site for quite a while now....Drop by & give him some love.


Have you seen this? A friend put this on the bulletin board at work this week, and another guy took it down before I could copy it. He said it was discriminatory and incendiary. Whatever; you can judge for yourselves.

It was written by KEN HUBER to the editor of the IOSCO COUNTY (MI) NEWS on June 9th of this year. KEN, truer words have rarely ever been spoken. thanks for pointing out what should be obvious.



Has AMERICA become the land of the special interest and home of the double standard?

Let’s see: if we lie to the Congress, it's a felony and if the Congress lies to us it’s just politics; if we dislike a black person, we're a racist and if a black dislikes whites, it's their 1st Amendment right; the government spends millions to rehabilitate criminals and they do almost nothing for the victims; in public schools you can teach that homosexuality is OK, but you better not use the word GOD in the process; you can kill an unborn child, but it’s wrong to execute a mass murderer; we don't burn books in AMERICA, we now rewrite them; we got rid of the Communist and Socialist threat by renaming them Progressives; we are unable to close our border with Mexico, but have no problem protecting the 38th parallel in Korea; if you protest against President Obama's policies you're a terrorist, but if you burned an AMERICAN flag or George Bush in effigy it was your 1st Amendment right.

You can have pornography on TV or the Internet, but you better not put a nativity scene in a public park during Christmas; we have eliminated all criminals in AMERICA and they are now called sick people; we can use a human fetus for medical research, but it's wrong to use an animal.

We take money from those who work hard for it and give it to those who don't want to work; we all support the Constitution, but only when is supports our political ideology; we still have freedom of speech, but only if we are being politically correct; parenting has been replaced with Ritalin and video games; the Land of Opportunity is now the Land of Hand Outs; the similarity between Hurricane Katrina and the Gulf oil spill is that neither President did anything to help.

And how do we handle a major crisis today? The government appoints a committee to determine who's at fault, then threatens them, passes a law, raises our taxes; and tells us the problem is solved so they can get back to their reelection campaign. What has happened to the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave?


Man, if that doesn't capture the essence of what is currently happening in AMERICA, nothing does. Fresh back from vacation in Michigan, I was almost completely crestfallen by all the whiners that have inhabited my state. If I only had a dollar for every time I heard “The government isn't doing anything for me/us.”…' KEN shows there are still life forms capable of intelligent thought on the Pleasant Peninsula.


Further input from me:

Jim, old buddy, your home state of Michigan is a wreck. Massive unemployment, union corruption, riddled with Liberal Democrats, and infested with the largest Muslim population in North America, a population burgeoning with radical Islamists and home-grown terrorists. Michigan has become America's England; a former powerhouse and industrial giant hit with industrial shutdowns and liberal socialism screaming for handouts and bigger government, and letting their Islamic minority take over by fiat. I almost said Michigan was becoming the American France, but California has that dubious distinction, so liberal and fucked up that we may as well sell it back to Mexico and let them worry about it......except the broke corrupt Mexicans don't have any fucking money to buy it.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

It's Shark Week, so they tell me.....

I like The Discovery Channel. I often find cool shows to watch on there, and I love to learn about new things. However, it's that time of year when they go overboard on self-indulgence and, so to speak, jump the shark. Much in the same way that History Channel could often be confused with The Hitler Channel until they branched it off to The Military Channel, Discovery has become The Shark Channel....that is, when it's not the Crab Catching Channel or Jobs That Will Kill You Channel.
So yeah, it's Shark Week on Discovery. Not just any old common Shark Week, mind you, but the 23d Anniversary edition of Shark Week. You get like 168 hours of non-stop shark action. Shark bites, shark attacks, flying sharks, sleeping sharks, feeding frenzy sharks, mating sharks, rare sharks, giant sharks, little sharks, sharks that eat people, shark movies, shark facts, shark games, and celebrity guest hosts...but somehow I think other animals are getting short changed...

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Let 'em Eat Cake....Wedding Cake.....

All the happiness that money can buy.......................

For some reason that escapes me, weddings are hideously expensive. No, wait, let me re-phrase that. For some reason that escapes me, people these days love to revel in hideously expensive weddings. And those who can’t afford giant weddings are glued to unreality TV to see rich people throw tantrums over their obscenely opulent weddings.
I’ve had two weddings myself, and been a member of several more, and attended dozens more on top of that. A couple (3 actually that I can recall) were quite extravagant country club affairs with open bars and lavish meals. Of those 3, two ended in divorces and I call that money pissed away. The divorce rate is well over 50% now so spend your money wisely.

I don’t remember much about the expenses for my first wedding, but I know the photographer was the most expensive part and that was “only” about $1200 bucks I think. My ex, bless her heart, did most of the planning details. However, I was involved in every aspect of my second wedding and I know pretty much what all of it cost.

We thought it would be really cool, and quintessentially Charleston, to get hitched at Boone Hall Plantation, site of many a Hollywood film. Prices to get married there range from $2000 to $5500 dollars or so, and that’s just to rent the site. Add in all the other goodies, and it gets insane really damned fast. I also wanted a Scottish-themed wedding….so why not combine the two and get married at the annual Charleston Scottish Games, held at Boone Hall every September?
Why, yes, I did get married there...
I already owned the kilt & all the finery (An expensive hobby as the full formal outfit cost me over a thousand bucks, but I get to wear it more than just that one wedding night). My only additional expenses for my regalia was like 20 bucks for a bow tie and 10 bucks for a feather hackle to adorn my hat. I designed our invites & reply cards myself and printed them at home, total cost being about 20 bucks for the paper and 26 for an ink cartridge. Crys wore a really cool Celtic knotwork medieval dress from Ancient Circles, for less than $300 (and she’s been able to wear it a couple more times for other things). Tickets to the Games were, at the time, $13.00 each. We put an entire wedding together for under $600 bucks, and had it outside at a gorgeous plantation mansion, surrounded by over 9,000 people, a couple hundred bagpipers, and kilts galore. 
Now, here we are fast-forwarded to July 2010, and we get the lavishly overdone wedding of none other than former First Kid Chelsea Clinton. Sure, it’s the Clintons’ money and they are entitled to spend it as they see fit. Sure, Chelsea is their only child and they can spoil her if they want. Yes, Daddy is a former President and Mommy is a former Senator and current Secretary of State. However, as Democrats are always telling we Conservatives that money is evil (unless it’s their money, or our money being taken in taxes), capitalism is evil (except when it makes them rich), the nation’s economy is in the crapper and millions upon millions are unemployed and the Clintons dropped an estimated FIVE MILLION dollars on a wedding that I did for six Benjamins. Of course, this spending verily pales in comparison to fellow Filthy Rich Democrat John Kerry dropping 7 million dollars on a pretty sailboat and then ducking out on taxes.
So, then, what does a few million get you for your wedding?

For a start, you can hold the wedding at the Astor estate. You know, John Jacob Astor & all that what not; filthy rich, Harvard alums, part of the family fortune made in opium trading, Waldorf-Astoria…you know, those guys! I’ll still take my plantation locale, thanks.
The flowers, which in a few days will wither and die, reportedly cost $500,000. Half a million dollars for something that is dying as you look at it.

The dress was (of course) a Vera Wang design, coming in at about $25,000. I hear tell she wore $250,000 in jewelery in addition to her million dollar engagement ring.

The 500 or so guests got treated to such amenities as $250,000 in food, $100,000 in booze, an $11,000 cake (my mom made ours for free; call her & see if she’ll make you one too) and got to hear a $40,000 band in the $600,000 worth of air-conditioned tents complete with glass walls and $110,000 in tables and crockery. I think they said it was over $1500 a plate in total. (The rehearsal dinner, a smaller affair, was about a grand a plate, and was hosted by George Soros, the Scary Man Behind The Curtain Who Really Runs Obama.)
They were protected from scumbags and poor people like you & me by an additional $200,000 in extra security…on top of the Secret Service details enjoyed by the likes of former Presidents and current SecStates, paid for by you & me.

And then, when the guests crap away those expensive meals, piss away all that expensive booze, or puke a mixture of the two, they get to do it in stylish SuperPortaPotty trailers.The luxury crappers come on huge trailers, and are appointed with wood paneling, real porcelain toilets that flush, hot running water, and piped-in stereo muzak. They only cost $15,000; more than some Americans made last year who continue to vote Democrat despite getting kicked in the teeth by them.
And before you Leftist assclowns start barking about the Bush wedding a couple years ago, eat me. Maybe half the guests and it cost a mere $100,000. Compared to the likes of my wedding, yeah, that's a hell of a lot. However, it pales in comparison to this spectacle in Rhinebeck.

Earlier in the week, Rush Limbaugh demurred from commenting on the Clinton nuptuals under the premise that there were bigger things to talk about than some mere wedding and that it was their money to spend how they choose. Well, Rush, yes it is, but I think you knew that if you commented about an extravagant ginormous wedding in the midst of an economic crisis, then the Left would be able to equally crucify you for spending $1,000,000 just to hire Elton John to play some songs at your Hawaiian themed beachfront wedding in West Palm Beach.

Yeah, sometimes it’s hard to take people seriously when they talk about the woes of the little people when they have money enough to wipe their asses with hundred dollar bills. I don’t begrudge anyone the fruits of their labors, but don’t be hypocritical about things. Glass houses? More like antique lead crystal houses…..