Now boarding, Flight 666 to ObamaLand

Last call for Flight 666 to ObamaLand...



I remember it like it was yesterday…or maybe last week.

After the Christmas 2009 incident in Detroit when the UndieBomber burned his scrotum off trying to blow up a plane, Comrade Chairman Obama (Blessed Be His Name) enacted sweeping changes to the airline industry. Aftre valiantly foiling the potential Man Caused Disaster, Comrade Field Marshal Napolitano was able to ascertain that the criminally evil and corrupt Bush Administration was to blame for causing the global warming climate change that made the UndieBomber lash out (rightly so) against capitalism. Comrade Speaker Pelosi of the Politburo conferred instant citizenship upon the poor wretch immediately, hailing him as a true American patriot.

The government mandated sweeping draconian security measures in the weeks immediately following. At first, passengers were forced to remain in their seats for the final hour of the flight, with laps empty. Then they had to sit the entire flight, with their hands on their heads. Bathroom breaks were done by rows under guard. This was then alleviated by making all passengers show up 3 days prior to their flight to be starved so that there’d be no solid waste to evacuate and to have catheters installed to take care of liquid waste. Passengers would then fly naked and handcuffed to their seats.

Now we have passengers show up a week in advance to undergo security interviews, background checks, DNA screening for diseases and database cataloging, polygraphs and oral interviews. After a quarantine, all bodily fluids are then drained from the body to comply with the No Liquids Law of 2010. Passengers were then cryogenically frozen in a block of carbonite, like Han Solo in The Empire Strikes Back. After hardening in their stasis cocoons, passengers were then stacked like cordwood.
Luggage itself was outlawed to force passengers to stimulate the economy by buying new clothes at their destination. The airlines themselves were no longer able to make money off of passenger amenities like blankets or food or extra bags or oxygen, and so thusly received huge bailouts. This in turn saw the nationailzation of all airlines of U.S. ownership, creating Government Airways in 2012.


Since the stacked passengers no longer required actual seats or windows or flight attendants, civilian airliners were all given to members of Congress so that each could have a personal aircraft at their free beck and call. Civil “Carbonite Flights” were instead flown on US Air Force C-17 cargo jets, leaving no military airlift capability in the nation. Have no fear; American military cargo, what little remains, is sent by government contracted sailboats to redistribute the wealth to poorer nations while reducing carbon emissions. Emergency military flights were contracted to Third World nations operating surplus Soviet aircraft from the 70’s.


As part of The Great World Apology and Redistribution Plan of 2010, airline hubs were also changed. Delta Airlines former hub in Atlanta was yanked out of a traditionally Republican state and moved to Mexico City. American Airlines kept their Pittsburgh hub due to union connections, but Continental moved from Newark to Hugo Chavez International in Caracas. A Delta flight from Nashville to Boston would route through Mexico City, and an American flight from Seattle to Kansas City routed through Caracas. United was of course able to keep its hub in Chicago. No one messes with Chicago thanks to Chairman Obama (Blessed Be His Name). However, O’Hare had a name change to Obama International Hope & Change Gateway to the Future, and Midway was changed to Che Guevara Jetport.

Yeah…laugh it up because the truth is gonna be stranger than fiction. These governmental assclowns missed all the signs that pointed to this terrorist attack and that this terrorist/enemy combatant posed a dangerous threat to the security of this nation. I refuse to use namby pamby terms like “alleged” in referring to him. Dude’s guilty, flat busted, caught red-handed and burned-balls. This guy made a concerted effort to kill hundreds of people and readily admits his connection to terror networks. And yet, people are granting him the same rights to due process and legal protections afforded to United States citizens.
WTF?

This guy should have been waterboarded and interrogated. Instead, he’s given free medical treatment, given a free huckster lawyer, and advised of his new rights, including the right to remain silent.

They bump Joan freakin’ Rivers off a flight because her passport looks suspicious, and they let anybody in a man-dress screaming “Allah Akhbar” waltz through unchecked in the name of political correctness. And we get the same knee-jerk reactions to terrorist acts time & again. They don’t necessarily make it harder for radicals to attack us, but instead further & further inconvenience travelers.

If I fly from Australia to Paris, I can get up and pee up till we hit final approach, and I can read a book in my lap the whole way. But flying into America, I lose any and all sense of being a free American returning to my ostensibly free country. Whatever a terrorist tries, it creates another set of rules, restrictions, and laws that make it unbearable to even think about travel. One asshole sets his shoe on fire, and people wait for hours in lines in bare feet. They hear about liquid explosives, and no one can carry more than a thimble full of anything remotely wet. Now that our little friend from Nigeria blew off his knickers I guess they’ll outlaw undies on flights to and from America. Not that it stops terrorism but the Beltway Bunch has to be seen as doing something.

They should outlaw breast implants on planes; they could be filled with explosives. And holy shit, no one’s gonna frisk a chick in a Burka; she might get offended. All of Islam would be offended and fatwas issued and Jihads called for, and then the woman would be killed for flying, or killed for not blowing herself up, or just killed for being a woman. Typical day in IslamoLand.

Yup, the terrorists will be sewing their own boobie-bombs into their chests any day now.

At least one European government says they’ll begin doing full-body scanning on all passengers headed to the USA. Not on all passengers. Not on random passengers flying anywhere in the world. Just people headed here. Well, shitfire, Abdullah, I guess you better fly to Canada and drive across, huh? Fly to friendly Venezuela, then to Mexico and just walk across the sieve we call a border. Of course, everyone here clamors for full body scanners in all American airports until they’re the one being scanned and laughed at, or until they’re the ones who have to pay for these $200,000 machines.

Note: would it make sense to stop sending bogus stimulus money to ZIP codes and Congressional districts that DO NOT EXIST, and instead funnel that money into things that actually work? Things that deter and/or stop terrorist activity? Nahhhh, that makes too damned much sense. Especially when shovel-ready under this administration means bullshit money sprinkled here & there to placate a few people and the bulk of the money stays in the ether until just before the elections….

It was quality entertainment to see the Inner Circle of Power backpedal after Comrade Janet stated the system worked, when it was an epic fail. Obie now declares "ultimately the buck stops with me," and hey, why stop there? Ultimately, several TRILLION bucks stop with you, and start with you, and revolve around you. John Brennan took a share of the blame, and rightly so as he continued his ski trip after the news broke of the attack. Hell, Obie Himself couldn’t be pulled away from Hawaii for four full days afterwards.

Now, not to defend Obama (oh HELL no!) scurrying immediately back to DC may have sent encouragement to Al Qaeda by sending everyone into Full Crisis Mode after a failed attack, but really, Obie, you should have had an immediate major presser where you highlighted the seriousness of the event and reassured the country that it failed. You seem to enjoy interrupting TV shows every few weeks so why stop now? Instead, you hid for four days & acted frikkin’ annoyed that you had to be bothered by the tedium of being the alleged Commander In Chief. Sorry to interrupt yet another vacation and drag you back via luxurious Air Force One to the Global Warming paradise of Washington.

UndieBomber was indicted yesterday. Coincidentally, they also revoked his visa. Seriously.

So, we wanna bring Khalid Sheik Mohamed to New York to enjoy our legal amenities, and we’ve extended full legal protections to UndieBomber so that maybe he can do a plea bargain. WTF? I repeat….WTF? Plea Bargain? The only choice he should get is whether we shoot him in the back of the head or the front, and the only courtesy is a blindfold. This is a WAR, people. They really don’t care if they die, so why waste our time & resources prolonging it? In war, you kill people. They have no compunctions against killing us. They would gladly kill you, and gladly kill me.

Try redirecting those bullshit stimulus dollars, and those excess TARP fund, to putting armed air marshals on our flights. Pay ‘em 80 grand a year. That should take up a 3 billion dollar TARP surplus. Shovel-ready jobs, chief. Shovel damned ready.

Either that or put a Dutch film director on every flight.

Liberals Hate Your Guns, Part Three: Armed Pilots

Like I’ve said before, the Liberals hate your guns, and they can’t wait to take them away from you. Despite protests to the contrary stating that they have no such intentions, The Obama Empire is taking steps quietly to shut down the program that qualifies commercial airline pilots to carry firearms in jetliner cockpits in order to ward off another 9/11-type attack.

The administration recently diverted $2 million from a program to train and certify pilots to carry firearms safely while on duty. Instead, it is using the money to hire additional field inspectors to help discipline pilots who step out of line, according to a report in Tuesday’s Washington Times.

Since Obama took office, the approval process for certifying pilots to carry firearms has ground to a halt, the newspaper reports. Pilots are afraid to speak out about the behind-the-scenes maneuverings, for fear of retaliation, according to the newspaper. No cases have been reported in which pilots have brandished a weapon inappropriately or otherwise abused their eligibility to carry firearms.

About 12,000 pilots have been authorized to carry handguns while flying aircraft as part of the Federal Flight Deck Officers Program. Congress authorized the program in a 310-to-113 vote following the 9/11 attacks to help prevent terrorists from turning jetliners into flying bombs that could be used to attack key sites like the White House, the Pentagon, or Capitol Hill.

Pilots are already required to pay for their own room and board during training, and use paid leave for the time they’re off the job. Every six months, the program requires them to be requalified for firearm use. So, it already costs them plenty to even get certified, so you know these guys are dedicated professionals.

The Washington Times points out that about 70 percent of airline pilots have military backgrounds. With airport screening less than 100 percent effective, it states, armed pilots provide a second layer of defense.

“Only anti-gun extremists and terrorist recruits are worried about armed pilots,” the newspaper editorial says.

Amen, brother. Are you asshats worried about a crazed pilot taking pot shots at passengers when he snaps? Trust me, that guy has control over the entire aircraft; if he was suicidal or wanted to kill passengers, he’d just point the whole frikkin’ thing straight down, and there really wouldn’t be jack-diddly-shit the passengers could do.

What you should be worried about are the 113 Congressional Dickheads who voted against having a terrorist deterrent onboard our flights. Sure, there’s the Air Marshall program, but there’s not enough of them and you never know what flights they’re on. If a potential terrorist wants to snatch a flight, what if there’s no Sky Cops around? The only possible deterrent other than brave passengers is the idea of the pilots being able to ventilate the skull and thorax of the aforementioned terrorist with a carefully aimed shot.

And before you sniveling whiners bring up the argument about shooting holes in the aircraft and suffering a massive blowout by depressurizing it, they already debunked that myth on the Discovery Channel’s Mythbusters show. Federal Air Marshalls, by the by, do not carry frangible ammunition either. By frangible, I mean that if they hit something they disintegrate instead of punching through intact. My sources tell me that FAM’s carry the Sig P229 pistol chambered for .357, with Speer Gold Dot ammunition, which is a rather high-velocity round. They’re just really well-trained. And if a small hole does depressurize the cabin, the most the passengers will suffer is some discomfort till the plane reaches a lower altitude.

So, Liberal gun haters are trying to take away your guns, and if they can’t do that, then they want to make it impossible to get ammunition, either by taxing it and pricing it out of range or by regulating it with excessive laws so that no one will want to mess with it. Like it says on the header to my friend Brooke’s blog site, courtesy of Thomas Jefferson: a government big enough to give you everything you want is strong enough to take away everything you have.