A .250 average sucks unless it's baseball

Y’know, where I come from, only getting 1 thing right out of 4 is a 25% success rate. So screwing three outta tfour up is a 75% failure rate. That’s not exactly a stellar performance. Hitting .250 in baseball is acceptable, but not when you’re the Supreme Court of the United States of America.

In the past month or so, the Unites States Supreme Court has handed down four decisions that caught my attention, enough so that after letting them fester a bit, I need to puncture the boil and let the pus drain out.

First up is the ridiculous notion that terrorists are somehow on an equal par with American citizens. The Court, in a 5-4 ruling, decided that the detainees at Guantanamo Bay have a constitutional right to go to federal court to challenge their continued detention and that the guarantee of habeas corpus applies at the Navy base in Cuba, the court said, and the truncated alternative procedure that Congress set up was not an adequate substitute. A writ of habeas corpus is a judicial mandate to a prison official ordering that an inmate be brought to the court so it can be determined whether or not that person is imprisoned lawfully and whether or not he should be released from custody. A habeas corpus petition is a petition filed with a court by a person who objects to his own or another's detention or imprisonment.

In essence, this gives the Gitmo detainees access to the American courts just like they were American citizens instead of detained insurgents and hostile enemy combatants against the United States. Last I checked we weren’t traipsing the 380,000 German prisoners of war that were brought stateside to POW camps through our courts to let them have the same rights as Americans back in World War Two. Nor did we offer habeas corpus to the estimated 140,000 or so Chinese and North Korean POW’s from the Korean War. Anyone we took prisoner in Vietnam, well, they were turned over to “Marvin the ARVN” and probably got shot long before they could complain.

But giving access to American courts to non-American enemies of the state is just folly. I suppose we taxpayers can foot the bill for them to have free legal counsel too. Sheesh, these dudes were living in caves before we captured them; now they get three hots & a cot, a brand-new Koran, and a pretty fly new rug to kneel on for Allah-time. They’re getting free medical care. They’re living far better in captivity than they would be out in the Afghan mountains, so they oughtta just be happy for that alone, because if it was the Israeli Mossad holding them, they’d be in a world of hurt far worse than a nice tropical Club Gitmo vacationland. Last I checked, Gitmo was in another country, and I do believe they ruled once before that other countries are out of he jurisdiction of habeas corpus.

Here in the good ole’ US of A, the court ruled that the Constitution prohibits the death penalty for the rape of a child. The decision overturned laws in Louisiana and five other states that had recently extended their death penalty laws to cover child rape. Two men were on death row, both in Louisiana, for raping young girls.

Justice Kennedy wrote for the majority that death was a disproportionate penalty for even so “devastating” a crime when the death of the victim did not result. Excuse me? You’ve got a turd who’s raped a young girl and probably torn her innards to a pulp, psychologically scarred her possibly forever, and even if she does recover through serious counseling she’ll have trust and intimacy issues for a damned long time, and you’re telling me that the death penalty is too severe? What about the damage the victims have to live with? Go down to Blockbuster & rent “A Time to Kill”, sir.

And in a second death penalty decision, the court rejected a challenge to Kentucky’s method of execution by lethal injection, ruling that there was insufficient evidence that the state administered a common sequence of three drugs in a manner that posed an unconstitutional risk of pain and suffering.

The decision raised the question of whether a challenge based on more compelling evidence — the plaintiff’s lawyers could not demonstrate that a Kentucky execution had encountered a problem — might succeed where this case had failed. The answer is unclear. The court promptly allowed several lethal-injection executions to take place, ending an informal six-month moratorium on executions. Justice Stevens, while voting with the majority, used this case to call for abolition of the death penalty. Problem here is that it just postpones the whole debate over lethal injection and holds it over for another round of argument. It solves nothing and passes the buck. I call this another failure.

And besides, how easy are we supposed to make the death penalty anyways? We’re killing someone. The condemned is put to sleep and rendered unconscious before the second drug causes the death itself. The only real feeling is the prick of the needle, which when compared to the pain & suffering of the condemned’s victims, who could have been stabbed repeatedly, shot, bludgeoned, strangled, etc., is pretty much negligible. It’s a lot more humane than electrocution or hanging. The only thing that makes death quicker and painless, since it happens so fast the condemned can’t feel it, is beheading by a guillotine.

Overturning the District of Columbia’s handgun ban, the court ruled that the Second Amendment protects the individual right to own a gun for private use — not only in connection with service in a militia. The 5-to-4 decision left unanswered questions, but also much room for continued gun regulation, short of an absolute ban.

In finding the District’s law against handgun ownership unconstitutional, the high court determined that Americans have the right to own guns for self-defense and hunting. It was the first time in nearly 70 years that the court had taken up broad questions about the 2nd Amendment's protections of the right to bear arms.

The case started as District of Columbia vs. Dick Heller, beginning as a group of plaintiffs suing over D.C.'s local gun ordinances, including one barring the registration of handguns by private individuals. Heller was a security guard at the Federal Judicial Center in Washington who could have a handgun at work but not at home, and his lawyers argued the 2nd Amendment creates an individual right of handgun ownership.

The D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals reversed a lower court's ruling that had dismissed Heller's suit, finding that the 2nd Amendment did protect an individual's right to bear arms. The Supreme Court took the case and heard oral arguments in March.

When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. I know that’s a tired old cliché, but it’s true. Banning guns does NOT deter gun crime. In fact, it makes it easier for criminals to engage in heinous crimes. How many criminals stop and go, “Damn, I better not shoot this guy in the back of the head; guns are illegal here…”?

Be real. Grow up. If you won’t smell the coffee, at least acknowledge that the beans have been ground & the water’s been boiled, sport. A criminal will do what criminals do, regardless of the laws. However, if a would-be rapist or purse-snatcher or home invader has a strong suspicion that they very well could get their rib cage ventilated by a 230-grain .45-caliber handgun round, they very well may think twice before messing with you.

I know that I sleep a lot more soundly knowing that I have a large-caliber handgun within arm’s reach and that I am well-versed in how to use it to defend me and mine.

The decision has caused a veritable panic amongst liberals and Democrats who view all of us gun owners as cavemen and criminals. Mayor Richard M. Daley of Chicago was apoplectic at the idea that someone might dare to challenge Chicago’s 26-year old ban on handgun ownership, despite Chicago Police Department statistics showing that from 2004 to November 2007 there were 43,685 firearms-related violent crimes in the city. Gee, Dick, how many of those crimes were because no one could defend themselves?

How many Virginia Tech students might have lived had there not been a campus gun ban? The shooter didn’t abide by the ban, but everyone else did. Maybe some quick-reacting student or teacher with a carry permit could have prevented some deaths.

Of course, no sooner did the Court decide that D.C.’s ban was unconstitutional than the City Council put forth some delusional ruling that when you’re not using your gun to defend yourself, it has to be kept unloaded and either disassembled, or secured with a trigger lock or kept in a gun safe. Are you frikkin’ kidding me? Hey, Mister Criminal, please wait a moment and don’t drill me with a round to the forehead while I take a minute to unlock my gun, reassemble the pieces, load it, and then defend myself….

The city continues to maintain that "most semiautomatic pistols" remain illegal under D.C.'s "machine gun" ban, which bizarrely covers not just automatic weapons but "any firearm which shoots, is designed to shoot, or can be readily converted or restored to shoot...more than 12 shots without manual reloading," even if each trigger pull fires just one round. Sweet Jesus, people. Sure, my personal handgun only holds 7 rounds, but most semi-auto pistols, at least in the ever popular 9mm round, can hold 15 to 18 rounds, depending on the manufacturer.

Meanwhile, the procedure for legally owning whichever handguns are allowed sounds pretty much like jumping through flaming hoops:

•A District resident who seeks to register a handgun must obtain an application form from the police department's Firearms Registration Section and take it to a firearms dealer for assistance in completing it.
•The applicant must submit photos, proof of residency and proof of good vision (such as a driver's license or doctor's letter), and pass a written firearms test.
•If the applicant is successful on the test, s(he) must pay registration fees and submit to fingerprinting. The police will file one set of fingerprints and submit the other to the FBI for analysis and criminal background check.
•Police will notify the applicant whether all registration requirements are satisfied. At that point, the applicant returns to the Firearms Registration Section to complete the process and receive a departmental seal on the application.
•The applicant takes his or her completed application to a licensed firearm dealer to take delivery of the pistol. If the dealer is outside the District, the dealer transports the pistol to a licensed dealer in the District to complete the transaction.
•The applicant takes the pistol to the Firearms Registration Section for ballistics testing. When testing is complete, the applicant may retrieve the pistol and take it home.

Holy shit. What a fiasco. You get an application so cumbersome that you have to go to a gun dealer just to fill it out, pass a test, pay fees, get printed (the PD will be checking those prints against unsolved crimes and storing them against future crimes), go back to the bureaucrats to complete processing, go BACK to the dealer, or drag some poor dealer from Maryland or Virginia into DC to monkeydick around with a DC dealer, then go get the gun tested to see if it’s been used in a crime and to have the results databased for future crimes, and then you get to take it home. What a complete & utter Scandinavian Squirrel-Screw.

Know what I did? Walked into the shop, said I wanted to buy it, filled out a very simple form, gave the dude my license, he made a 5 minute phone call to check my bona fides, took my money and handed me my gun. Total process: 10 minutes.

At least the Supreme Court Jesters got this one right, so that law-abiding citizens can legally defend themselves and shoot for fun & recreation. However, at least three other decisions got botched, so that’s a 25% success rate. Not that stellar for the finest legal minds our country has to offer.

Revisiting the Death Penalty

So maybe I’m a knuckle-dragging war-monger flesh-eating conservative, but I support the death penalty. I not only support it but I think it should be doled out a bit faster and harsher than it already is.

I’m not calling for the Islamic beheadings of people who shoplift a pack of gum or burning a woman at the stake because some asshole didn’t like the color of the burlap sack she was forced to wear. But rapists at the very least should be castrated, and if they kill the victim in the process, they too should be killed. And muderers? Yeah, kill ‘em, too.

It costs about $50,000.00 a year to feed, clothe, and house a prisoner these days. While I don’t advocate a total solitary-confinement, chain-gang deal for all convicts, I also don’t want these guys sitting around watching free cable, eating ice cream, making tattoo kits from sharp objects, and smoking cigarettes all day, and lifting vast amounts of weight to get bigger & stronger to commit worse crimes. Job training, remedial education (not free college degrees), and lots of counseling & rehab; yes sir, all day long. Rehabilitate the offender instead of letting them languish and have no way to better themselves once they get out. But for those on death row……

I’m not saying the death penalty should be handed out pell-mell, either. It’s the most severe punishment there is. And while I believe there should be no shadow of a doubt as to guilt before sentence is carried out, there exists such a backlog and logjam in our justice system that the appeals process takes 20 years. That’s a million dollars, not counting legal costs, of taxpayer money. I’m also not saying that there aren’t innocent people in jail or on death row; DNA evidence is exonerating more & more innocent people every year.

But I propose a few changes. First off, no plea bargains for a confession or information on a crime. Don’t allow a killer to bargain down to life in prison for information like where a body is hidden or to get a confession, unless that life sentence will be at hard-labor or solitary confinement or both. Life in prison watching Jerry Springer and ass-raping a cellmate is too good for them. Let the rest of their life be spent on a chain gang making crushed gravel by day and watching a blank fucking wall all night. Otherwise, you can opt out for death. Hell, take the life sentence and then opt for death after it starts to drive you nuts, sweet-pea. We’ll accommodate.

Second, I propose that these capital crimes get sped through the process. None of this waiting in jail for 2-3 years before a court docket comes available. Trial within 60 days. That’s time enough to get your shit together. And fast-track the appeals process. If it’s a capital crime with capital punishment, the appeal is heard immediately within 6 months by the state supreme court. Screw going through 10 levels of appeals courts up & up & up the ladder till it gets heard by the United States Supreme Court. Unless it’s a Federal case, it’s not the federal government who is executing you. It’s the state; therefore, the highest court in the state should hear your appeal. And once the court upholds the conviction and sentence, that sentence needs to be carried out swiftly. Within 30 days, you’re gone and no longer a burden on society.

Of course, that will put a hefty strain on the courts. However, this IS a life & death matter, kids. Less-pressing cases like some dickhead suing a dry-cleaner for 57 million dollars over a pair of pants can wait. If there’s DNA evidence, then that evidence takes priority over less pressing shit like paternity testing for the Maury Povitch show. Baby-Momma-Drama can wait another few days. To ease the strain on existing overworked criminal DNA labs, private labs should be required to assist the police as part of their state license certifications. You can still make an ass of money off paternity tests, but now & again you’ll also be doing some testing for the good of the people, a little pro bono work. It also puts a lot of pressure on both the defense and prosecution, but then again it also ensures that they’ll be scrambling to do their absolute best.

And then there’s the execution itself. Last I knew, no one stopped before killing someone and pondered the most humane way to murder someone. No, murders are generally painful, messy affairs. Though some would say it’s barbaric to execute someone in the same manner in which they killed their victim, there are others who would say if you shoot someone, then you should be shot too, etcetera. The flaw in that reasoning is that where are you going to find people who will carry out these sentences? If someone out there is willing to be a paid state employee who has to occasionally strangle people or stab them 56 times with a rusty screwdriver, then I am very afraid of that person.

Now we have all these bleeding-hearts out there who made us come up with lethal injections because hanging and electric chairs and gas chambers were inhumane and cause the condemned to suffer unduly. Excuse me? I’m supposed to have sympathy for someone who beats someone to death with a shovel for the $17.00 in their wallet? No way. And now we have more whining sissies complaining that even lethal injection is cruel and inhumane. So? Your point is? Tell you what; let’s do it the old-fashioned way. The guy who came up with the lethal injection concept was recently quoted as saying that the best way to execute someone so that it’s over instantly and without pain is the guillotine. Yep, lop off that head lickety-split. Let ‘em eat cake. I guarantee facing a giant stainless razor blade might be a deterrent for some people.

But the better option for deterrence? Public executions. Now, earlier I spoke against the public executions that get performed in the extremist Muslim nations. I should clarify a little. Don’t kill someone for a trivial crime. Islamic Sharia law (or more rather whack-job fundamentalist zealotry) has you being killed for everything, it seems, from parking violations to having a Koran written in the wrong font to just being a woman. But if we started televising executions it might act at as a deterrent. Or just put it on Pay-per-View, with the proceeds going towards victims’ recompense. There’s like 250 million people in the United States. If say, twenty million people paid 25 dollars to watch the event, that’s $500,000,000.00. Yes, half a BILLION dollars. If the victims get say, 10% of that, that’s still fifty million. Hell, charge more for really notorious criminals. Charge fifty bucks for a serial rapist or triple homicide. A hundred bucks to watch a terrorist get executed. Shit, I bet if they’d put Saddam’s hanging on PPV, it would have been a sellout at five hundred, and that’s for High Def multi-angle coverage, not some bullshit cell phone video.

Then you’ll get some dicks like Golden Palace dot com to sponsor the condemned. The guy shaves his head, and as he lays it on the chopping block, you see the big letters saying goldenpalace.com before the beheading. But what’s in it for the condemned? A last request for a hooker, and the advertiser picks up the tab. There’s a buck to be made here, and you know they’ll make it.