No Love For Darfur

No Love For Darfur…

You know why we won’t go into Darfur to help the war-ravaged genocide victims of a brutal civil war? It’s not because we’re tired of a long, drawn-out, and sometimes pointless war in Iraq. It’s not because we have our resources tied up chasing Osama Bin Fucktard in Afghanistan’s caves. It’s not because the National Guard is busy trying to keep Pablo from smuggling the other 735 members of his immediate family over the border to pick our tomatoes and dig our ditches. Darfur is Darfucked because of this:

Those people don’t buy anything we make, or make anything we buy. If Halliburton could turn a buck off of it, we’d be there tomorrow. However, there’s no oil we can pump off, no diamonds we can pillage, no gold or other metals….it doesn’t even make good tv. Sorry Darfur….ask the French. They’d love to get involved. They might not even get their asses kicked too badly.

Contrived Oil Prices

It seems that they've found a new way to jack up oil prices again.


Back 4 years ago when we decided it would be a nifty idea to invade Iraq & steal their oil supplies to make Dick Cheney even richer via Halliburton, everyone thought gas prices would come down. Unfortunately, Iraq owed so much money to every other country on earth that any money generated by their oil went to pay everyone else off first. Shit, we thought we'd get the employee discount since we owned their oil fields now....stupid us.

Then every time some yahoo in a checkered head wrap got an itchy trigger finger, which has been pretty often, oil prices went up. Then, the Year of the Hurricane hit us, and gas prices went fucking insane. Gotta cash in on tragedy, y'know. It's the American Way. And once the prices evened out again, some new disaster would come up to jack the prices up again.

So here we are....Summer 2006, and what to do? We could raise prices because Israel is shelling Lebanon, but that whole war in the Middle East shit is getting old...and there hasn't been any sign of a hurricane yet this year, and it's already almost mid-August. We needed to jack them prices up again before Labor Day and squeeze all the money we can out of travelers on the last big holiday before Thanksgiving, so now all of a sudden, the Alaskan Pipeline is falling apart?


Bullshit. Pure utter bullshit. You mean to tell me that a multibillion dollar pipeline just all of a sudden develops so many worn out places & weak spots that you gotta shut it down? Bullshit! I'd like to think someone has the sense to check this thing REGULARLY, especially in the age of global terrorism, so how the fuck do they miss the fact that it was falling apart? You mean to tell me it fell apart overnight? Sure....sure it did. Or are you telling me no one has checked this thing in the past, oh, say, 5 to 10 years and noticed it was maybe coming apart?


Pull the other leg, assholes; it plays "Jingle Bells".