Still a Douchebag, Belieb It Or Not: Answering more hate mail

Douchebag on Wheels

This week I received notice that another delusional Belieber had commented on my post from last year on the need to deport his ass back to the Great White North. If you missed my post on it, go here. If you missed the followup article, go here. If you wanna read my reply to the hate mail I got from someone named Ashley McCombs on the original article, go here.

This is the latest insipid craptatstical comment I got from a Gabbi Rakes.  Please ignore this kid's wretched spelling and grammar. Kids these days can use the Internet, but remain ignorant on grasping firmly a command of the English language. They even forget that most of their wondrous electronic devices have spell check and autocorrect.

    I'm with you sister I will always be a belieber. He's a good person and a great role model. He's only human he not perfect but he's not a bad person. People just fail to see the good in him. I don't agree with everything he does but he's a good person. He's not all the bad things people say about him. He's just like us. He does the same things every other teenager does. He's just noticed for it cuz of all the cameras in his face. If you really wonder what the difference between him and an regular teenager is. STOP WONDERING because there's NOT

  (insert chirping crickets here, followed by me laughing)

Seriously? People still defend this little twatwaffle. That blows me away.

When will you people realize he's almost as big a narcissistic douchecanoe as Kanye West?

He continually, with alarming repetitive frequency, engages in childish asshole behavior that some of you defend as him just being a kid/being a teenager/being 20 etcetera ad nauseum. Problem is, sunshine, that when you're a multimillionaire in the spotlight you don't get the luxury of being a moron. Furthermore, while some 20 year old kids do indeed engage in stupidity, the bulk of them instead behave as mature and responsible adults.

Yours truly was once 20. Yeah, it was awhile ago. I had my fun and occasionally acted goofy. However at age 20 I'd already been a soldier for two years. I was a United States Army Military Policeman in Germany, over 6,000 miles from home in another country charged with protecting Americans and Germans alike, ready at a moment's notice to go into combat and if necessary die for my beliefs and ideals. I wasn't pissing in mop buckets, speeding through residential neighborhoods in sports cars while high on sizzurp, spitting off balconies, starting fights for my bodyguards to finish, or ducking out on bills. I certainly wasn't stealing peoples' cell phones and rifling through them to see if they took pics of me doing illegal things. I had responsibilities and duties and consequences for my actions or lack thereof should I fail to act accordingly.

The guy on the captured Iraqi armor is not Justin Bieber. It's me at 22.

 Sigh.

The little prick is still being, well, a little prick. Recently while on the Spanish island of Ibiza, a shirtless Bieber had one of his entourage tell Leonardo DiCaprio to come on over and party with him. Not wanting anything to do with Bieber or with being summoned to attend Bieber like a serf, DiCaprio shook his head and waved him off. (It seems Leo thinks Bieber is a turd. Thumbs up). Bieber then tried to taunt Orlando Bloom at the same club since it seems Bieber was at one time banging Bloom's ex-wife Miranda Kerr. Bloom threw a punch and Bieber not only shrunk away like a bitch but had his bodyguards screen him from getting his ass kicked. Kid can dish out the taunts and run his cake-hole, surrounded by an army of minders and babysitters to do his dirty work because he CAN'T. Rumor has it that P-Diddy was theer too and along with DiCaprio applauded Bloom's effort to knock Bieber into next week. Ever since the episode, Bloom and Leo have been the best of friends.

Bieber consoled himself by moving into a new condo in LA and the first night there the cops had to come six times to tell him to turn it down. Way to improve your image and endear yourself to the new neighbors, kid.

Follow that up with your boy rolling around Disneyland in a wheelchair, cutting all the lines to get to the front, overheard saying "I don't do lines...". Yeah, I bet.

The next morning, like magic, no wheelchair. Praise Jeezusssss it's a miracle.

His babysitters said he hurt his knee playing basketball...yet he was walking just fine the next morning around LA, dressed like Salvador Dali's nightmares threw up on him. No sign of the knee injury, so I call bullshit.

Look, kids; he's a TURD. Find a new idol to worship. Maybe then he'll just go away. Meanwhile here's a list of the douchiest things he's ever done, compiled by Ranker.

DoucheApples seldom fall far from the Douchebaggery Tree. His dad gets a $50,000 allowance as his kid runs amok.

Answering hate mail from a Belieber

I think I've made it fairly clear that I am not exactly a fan of Justin Bieber. In fact, I find him repugnant and would be delighted to no end if we just deported his narrow ass back to Canada instead of letting his spoiled, privileged, bratty-assed punk self reside here in luxury. I knew it was just a matter of time before one or more of his pre-pubescent fans got their diaper in a twist over my previous articles (found here and here) and threw a hissy fit.

This morning in my inbox I found not one, not two, but THREE comments on one of my articles from a little girl named Ashley McCombs. (Don't like me using your name, Ashley? Then don't include it in your comments sent from your Google+ account.) Judging by the profile picture she looks about 13 or so.I think her parents must be exceedingly proud of her foul mouth and her teachers must be proud of her atrocious spelling and grammar. Here are all three of her comments verbatim:

U guys are all butholes leave him alone he is the best person ever I LOVE YOU JUSTIN!! Love, A BELIEBER< 3

 You all need to shut the fuck up,like leave justin alone he never hurt anyone of you so why are you all talking shit about him justin bieber is not a "twit" or a "dushbag" he is an INSPIRATION he gives kids all over the world hope, and tells them to never give up on there dreams and to always work hard, just because he did some stupid things in his life doesn't give u the right to Judge him because the truth is all teenagers do stupid things just like u guys Prob. Did so I think u should stop talking shit about him and start saying good things about him because he is a really good person. Love, A BELIEBER < 3

All of u are dumb asses like shut the fuck up like u all think that your perfect but nobody is in this world just cuz he is famous doesn't mean he has to act like a stuck up little bitch,he is a teenager let him act like one every teenager does this,I'm pretty sure all of you guys have done stupied things in your lifetime so leave him alone it's not like he ever hurt anyone of you SO STOP TALKING SHIT ABOUT HIM HE IS THE MOST INSPIERING PERSON EVER IN MY EYES HE GIVES KIDS HOPE AND TELLS THEM TO NEVER STOP BELIEVING,AND TO NEVER GIVE UP ON THERE DREAMS!! I love u justin I will always be a BELIEBER < 3

You poor, deluded child. If you're being given hope by a a dick of this caliber then I weep for the children of the world. Are you inspired by a guy who bullies a woman as she works out in a gym and spits in her water bottle? Yeah, that happened back in January. It seems your hero likes spitting on people. Why, just last week he was spitting on his fans, fans just like YOU, from a balcony in Toronto.

Real mature, assclown

 Of course, his representatives deny it. This is because he pays them large sums of money to cover his ass when he acts like a dick to people.It's their job to cover for him and deny any wrongdoings. They covered for him two weeks ago when he went apeshit on a DJ at an Ohio club that he accused of taking a picture of him. His bodyguards illegally seized the man's phone and illegally went through it and found no pictures, but that didn't stop Bieber from talking shit about the guy's parents and then spitting in his face. And this is the guy you worship? You look up to a little prick who sends bodyguards to steal peoples' property and illegally search it, something not even a cop can do without a signed warrant from a judge, and even when they find nothing, still accuses the man, insults his family, and then spits in his eye?

Your parents seriously need to put a foot in your bony little ass, kid.

Douchebag Alert

Yeah, your hero is usually too pussy to fight his own battles and sends in his goon squad to attack people, but as long as he has all his posse with him he doesn't mind kicking a man when he's down, like a couple weeks ago when Justin and Company attacked a guy during an argument over a couple of women Justin was taking back to his hotel room. Unlike you, these women were grown adults, aged 24 and 32, and really, there's only one reason two adult bar waitresses, one of them probably closer in age to your mom than to your age, were headed to a hotel room with a celebrity. I'm not sure if they've covered the birds & the bees at school yet, Princess but he wasn't buying them hot cocoa at the hotel restaurant. How about the married chick he was out with when he stiffed the crew at the skydiving place in Vegas and didn't pay?

Your hero's tour bus was stopped at the US/Canadian border and officials found dope inside it. Boy Wonder wasn't on board but this also isn't the first time his bus was found loaded down with drugs. Hw was kicked out of a Chicago nightclub last month too for underaged drinking. Yeah, your hero is a stoner and a drinker. I bet your parents are so proud of your choices, Ashley. What'll they find in your diary or hidden in under your bed?

And finally, what the hell causes a 19 year old boy to show up at his grandmother's door buck-ass naked with a guitar over his junk and sing to her? That's creepy. And it's just as creepy that his grandmother blew it off.

Seriously, little girl...stop worshiping this douchebag and focus on your schoolwork, because really, you need some grammar and spelling help. You say he's a normal teenager doing normal teenage things? If this is normal then we are doomed as a species. And remember to think twice before messing with your elders and your betters.

Again, I say: DEPORT BIEBER

Sure is dark in here, bro.

He's at it again. Who? That little turd, Justin Bieber.

As you know by now, I can't stand him. I want him deported, like I said in an article last month. He's a shining example of a kid of dubious talent who got famous and let it go to his head and became an insufferable prick.

Nice gas mask, you moron.

Seriously, who the hell wears a gold mask in public now that Michael Jackson is dead and his kids have been freed?

He was recently banned for life from an indoor skydiving venue in Las Vegas after he shows up ten minutes before they close, and after they do the indoor skydive thing his crew trashes the bathroom while giving the employees a what-are-you-gonna-do-aboput-it look, and  when the $1600 bill comes he didn't pay. He was given the option of just posting a photo of himself at the place to Twitter and Instagram so the venue could get some advertising in lieu of paying, so Bieber, like a classic douchebag, fakes posting a pic and skates out.

What a dick move. Then again dick is as dick does.

Witnesses say he "was very standoff-ish toward mostly everyone outside of his crew," adding that he was "very disconnected from reality." Probably because he was high on sizzurp. (Oh, did I say that out loud?)

He also had some new strumpet on his jock, a former Hooters chick turned model who is still legally married to a guy deployed in the military. Classy chick.

I know the Cup is shiny, dickhead, but take off the shades

The NHL is catching a serious ration of flak and backlash from hockey fans of every team affiliation after posting on Facebook a picture of Turdboy in the Chicago Blackhawks locker room with his sizzurp-stained dick-beaters clutching the Stanley Cup with one hand while making the #1 with his other. A #6 Hawks sweater is on a hook behind him with BIEBER on the back. I wanted to vomit. It's a pretty well-known hockey tradition (though some say it;s just a superstition) that you don't touch the Cup unless you have won a Cup and earned the right to touch it. Some say that only applies to players and not "civilians" because celebrites love to dick-ride the winning teams and get their picture taken with the Cup. I have a photo of myself with the Cup taken several years ago and I most assuredly did not touch it. It wasn't mine to touch. Bieber can claim all he wants that he's a born & bred hockey fan from Canada but he only seems to turn up at crucial nationally-televised games where there's a chance he'll get on camera. He does the same thing at basketball gaames too. Fame-whore.

And now video has shown up on TMZ of Bieber pissing in a restaurant's mop bucket.

Yes, digest that a minute, okay?

The video was taken earlier this year in New York, as the little douchenozzle and his entourage were leaving some nightclub, and being too cool to leave by the front door decided to just exit via the restaurant kitchen. Instead of stopping at the men's room like a civilized human being, the little assclown peeled down his ridonkulous tight-yet-saggy Idiot Pants and pissed into a yellow mop bucket that some poor employee was going to have to dump and disinfect in order to clean the floors. His entourage repeatedly states that the restaurant should be honored that Bieber had pissed in their mop bucket. Afterwards, Bieber grabs a bottle of cleaning solution, sprays it on a  photo of Bill Clinton on the wall, and exclaims "Fuck Bill Clinton!".

Look, I'm no fan of Bill Clinton but that's pushing it for a kid here on a work visa. After much public outcry he has now apologized to Clinton, but not because he's sorry he did it. He's sorry he got caught, and it looks good in the news if he pretends to be contrite.

Meanwhile, his ever-present bodyguard stands idly by like a good little lap-dog. Hey, bodyguard dude, have some self-respect. You're just an enabler, allowing him to be a twatwaffle and a churlish boor just to cash a paycheck, all the while looking all serious and stern like you're on the Secret Service Detail protecting the President as he visits downtown Kenyaville on vacation.

Another look at the gas mask episode. Note the "Don't make me Roid Rage on you" look on Mr. Stubble

 Then again, one of his bodyguards was sued for stealing the memory card from a paparazzi camera, and his bodyguards are constantly being sued for battery after assaulting photographers. Be a man, Beeb; at least Sean Penn did the assaulting himself.

But so long as he keeps making people around him rich, people will just let him do whatever he wants. And as long as his imbecile 12-year old fan base are unable to see through the fog of puberty and rub two brain cells together in coherent thought, they'll keep on making their dumbass parents buy his bullshit.



This video makes my soul ache. These people should be throat punched. Boycott him, deport him, make him shrivel up into forgotten dust.

ADDENDUM: Please go here to see the best shots of him dressed as a total douchebag.

Deport Justin Bieber

My Sworn Enemy

I think it's high time we finally declare Justin Bieber an Enemy Combatant and deport his scrawny little ass back to Canada. I mean, seriously, what kind of visa does this little turd have that allows him to do whatever he wants with no repercussions? Last I checked, those who were here  with a green card or visa to work in my country had to maintain certain standards of good behavior or risk deportation.

I'm kinda curious as to what sort of magic visa this little turd has. He probably has an actual green card for Permanent Resident Aliens. I know that the guys on my local hockey team used to have to scramble every fall to get one of the 66,000 available H-2B work visas granted to minor-leaguers.  The H-2B visa allows for temporary work, less than 12 months, in a variety of professional fields and is the visa all United States-based minor hockey leagues used to use for their players. Now they only use those for guys not on a contract who are coming here on a tryout basis, Otherwise they need a P-1A visa, which is usually granted for from five to ten years. That switch to the P-1A caused a veteran minor-league player to be stopped and turned away at the border over his visa type by an overzealous border guard, and the resulting paperwork delays and associated BS was the effective end of a player's career. Normally I'm cool with having vigilant border agents, but seriously...I'm more concerned with illegals slipping in from Mexico to work under the table or Jihadis trying to gain access to kill me than I am with a guy from Saskatchewan with a bag full of hockey pads and sticks coming here to work.

I know Bieber is here on some sort of visa because on multiple occasions the snotbag has stated he has no interest in becoming an American citizen and bitches about our healthcare system while touting how great it is in his homeland of Canada. Hey, Beebz...I have family in Canada myself. In fact I am 50% Canadian as my mother (a naturalized American citizen) is from Toronto. You know, that big city about 2 hours from where you're from in London, Ontario. If Canada's "free" healthcare is so great why do people in Ontario routinely hop the border to Buffalo for medical care after waiting months to see a dentist or other caregiver? Sure, Canada is a great country, and I'm glad you're proud to be Canadian, but dude, don't come here and buy a mansion and gather up tens of millions of American dollars while talking shit about us, okay?

But why am I so concerned about Bieber's visa status and availability for deportation? Because while most of the world thinks he's all cute and cuddly and a great role model and his legions of pre-pubescent little girl fans worship him like low-information moron voters worship Obama, a growing number of informed grownups are noticing that he is a Supreme World-Class Dick at worst and a spoiled punk-assed kid at best.

In the past few months, Bieber has been all over the news, if folks would bother to look, and not much of it has been even remotely positive:

Back in March there was an alleged altercation with his neighbor after racing his Ferrari up and down the street where our mature young man reportedly spat upon his neighbor.

Gonna be hard getting in that car with that big load in your diaper there, sport.

Lately he's been prone to altercations with paparazzi where he lunges at them and threatens to kill them, all the while his bodyguards pretend to hold back his fearsome 130 pounds.

He's constantly seen by entertainment reporters smoking weed and slurping sizzurp with thugtastical rap types. Mix codeine cough syrup with Sprite and drink until your synapses misfire. That's sizzurp.

His tour bus was raided in April by Swedish police, who found drugs and a stun gun.

He shows up at an airport in Germany with a live monkey and no paperwork. Come on, Germans love their paperwork. Dude just expected everyone to kiss his ass and let him wander about with a monkey. Haven't you seen "Quarantine"? You probably thought it would wear a Rolling Stones vest and bring you dope like in "Hangover 2", right? He then abandons the monkey in Germany, leaving no money for its upkeep, and now the Germans have given it to a zoo.

An Austrian nightclub banned him & his entourage after they started groping girls and smashing peoples' cell phones for daring to take pictures of His Bieberness.

He had the effing audacity to write in the guestbook at the Anne Frank house that he thought Anne would have been a Belieber.

In March he showed up at the airport in Lodz, Poland with his pants falling off and no shirt on despite it being 14 degrees outside and walked topless through the airport before boarding a private jet.

He showed up 2 hours late for a packed concert at London's O2 Arena and blamed it on "technical issues". Look, kid, it was bad enough when Axl Rose used to pull that shit like a diva in front of grown adult rock fans. You did that to an arena full of pre-teen girls on a school night like a dick. At another show he kept fans waiting over 90 minutes because he was too engrossed is a freakin' ping pong game backstage with one of his dancers.

He reportedly had a tantrum during a recent photo shoot for an Elizabeth Arden fragrance in Copenhagen after showing up SIX HOURS late. He threw the fit because they wanted him to wear a bell boy hat and he refused. This puke is quickly getting a reputation as someone that no one wants to work with.

He is rumored to have taken on-again/off-again doormat girlfriend Selena Gomez out to a comped (ie: FREE) meal at some high-dollar establisgment where he didn't seem to feel the need to tip his waiter. Granted, tipping is different in every country you visit, but to leave nothing, especially after the meal is FREE, is downright dickish.

If you go to a party at his house, you're met at the door with a Liability Waiver & Release that states if you talk about what goes on at his house he will sue you for five million dollars. Some would say that it's to protect him from frivolous lawsuits from spurious types who would fake a slip & fall to sue him, but it's more like he doesn't want anyone to know what sort of drug, booze and sex-fueled Bacchanalia he lives in.

He gets spotted in public walking around in a gas mask. Yes, GAS MASK. More than once. Dude, what the hell is WRONG with you?

I love how the bodyguard is all incensed that someone would dare take a picture of The Man Child in his gas mask

 
 I can think of another fruity diva in masks who played with monkeys.....

 Last week there was another episode where Bieber was racing up and down the street in his Ferrari, and this time the pissed neighbor was six feet four inches of retired football star Keyshawn Johnson. Keep it up, kid; someone is gonna stomp your ass flat with the quickness if you keep this up, and I'm gonna laugh and laugh and laugh when they do.

Pull up your pants, douchebag. It looks stupid enough on wannabe thugs, but you're a whiteboy tool from Canada. On you it's beyond comically asanine.