Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Global Warming ScamFest

If ever you wondered at the gullibility of the average human being, or even the sheer unadulterated stupid ignorance of people in the face of overwhelming information, look no further than what most call Global Warming, and the scam artists call Climate Change. It’s what I’ve taken to calling Climate Fuckery.

There’s currently a 12-day worldwide Festival of Weather-Related Bullshittery going on in Copenhagen, Denmark. Seemingly, we’re all supposed to call it Kooben-hoggin now, since the established pronunciation I grew up on (KO-pen-Hay-gun) has been usurped by the Left. Alleged experts, hand-wringers, and Chicken-Little-Sky-Is-Falling types are gathered in Carbonhagen at the behest of the United Nations to seemingly spend money and be a raving batch of hypocrites and self-righteous assholes.

This is the same United Nations that spent millions of dollars partially earmarked for relief aid to give some artsy dickhead free reign to squirt paint on the ceiling and call it a masterpiece.
See here.

The UN is already a colossal waste of money and is about as effective as a daddy-longlegs with all 8 legs yanked off, and here they are shitting away $125 million dollars in a mutual mental masturbation session geared towards making industrialized nations feel guilty for developing past the invention of fire and the wheel, and fleecing said nations for billions in aid (spelled g-r-a-f-t).

I find it hard to sympathize with shitheads who want me to drive a fucking toaster to work, yet came to Koobenhoggin in 120 private jets and are tooling around Denmark in over 1200 rented limos and other luxury rides. Delegates were seen driving up to the conclave in Beemers, Benzes, VoVos, and Jags, while the rented bus rolled about empty. I mean, who wants to ride the bus when you have every luxury car in Denmark (and more are being brought in from Germany and Sweden) at your disposal? France alone ordered 42 cars from the city’s largest limo rental agency, according to company spokesperson Majken Friss Jorgensen. And Jorgensen added that just five vehicles in the fleet will be hybrids, which are nearly impossible to procure in tax-heavy Denmark.

Ahhhh, gotta love assloads of taxes to pay for free healthcare, no?

The conference center hosting the meetings has set up four "climate kitchens" to cook healthy, organic meals for attendees, but they aren't coming cheap. Visitors ordering the regular meal will get finger sandwiches, a quiche, some cheese and dessert, but those going "deluxe" get a mini croissant, canapĂ© with smoked salmon, mini pizzas, fancy cheese and some pineapple in chocolate — all for an estimated $40 a person.

These same Global Warming dickheads want to tax people on cow farts, claiming that bovine flatulence pollutes the air with methane clouds as they themselves visit the White House to dine on Wagyu beef. Sure, as if hand-fed cows from Kobe, Japan who get their balls massaged and listen to Yanni, don’t ever fart…

People are still buying into this bullshittery, even after hundreds of scientists, actual accredited climatologists, have debunked Global Warming as a myth. Within the past couple weeks, hundreds of emails surfaced from people within the Climate Research Unit at East Anglia University (one of the movement’s breeding centers) that basically admit that it’s all a scam. Hell, just today it’s come to light that there exists a text that basically stated that screws developing nations in favor of letting rich nations do as they please. The text says it would allow rich nations to emit nearly twice as much carbon per capita as poor countries. That abandons the principle of the Kyoto protocol, which calls for the richer nations to take on the bulk of the burden. The document—thought to be the product of a group that includes the US, UK, and Denmark—also would weaken the UN's role in future climate change negotiations, and pretty much keeps poor nations poor and rich nations rich. Lovely.

The UN doesn’t want to be out-scammed, you see. They’ve been sucking money out of most of the civilized world for over sixty years, and now they’ve come up against a better scam operation. And, ladies & gentlemen, that better scam is Global Warming, and one of their revenue schemes is Carbon Credits/Offsets.

Ostensibly, to offset my release of greenhouse gases I’m beseeched to purchase carbon credits from some mysterious Al Gore-sponsored Carbon Credit Clearing House, or some such nonsense. I mean, I tried to look the shit up and got even more confused. I think some hippy is supposed to plant a tree or something for me. I dunno. I give them millions of dollars to offset a ton of emitted carbon dioxide, and after overhead and skimming, some unwashed granola-muncher in a woven hemp Baja poncho and Birkenstocks plants a tree? Okay.

Al Gore…that fat slug lives in a McMansion that uses more electricity to light than some small cities, and I’m supposed to give this asshole my money for trees? Who appointed him Keeper of the Forests?

The giant, steaming, open-faced shit sandwiches these people keep trying to feed us are incredible, with lie heaped upon lie, served with a dollop of half-truths to sweeten the turds. Gore himself prattles on about how all the glaciers in the world are melting and in doing so are tainting the world’s drinking water supplies.

How? I don’t get it. Maybe my lack of an Ivy League education has stunted me from figuring out how pure glacial water would taint anything. One source I looked at stated that glaciers contain about 75% of the world’s fresh water. I mean sure, animals walked on it and probably shat on it and before it froze it probably scrubbed the atmosphere before condensing, but wouldn’t any legit bottler filter & purify the water regardless of source? Then again, bottled water is a scam, too. Most of it is straight tap water; the same tap water the effete enviro-dicks say is bad for you. Bottled water bars have sprung up in all the hipster districts, from Paris to Los Angeles. Some fine hotels now offer the services of "water sommeliers" to advise diners on which water to drink with different courses. Douchebags.

Gore further rants that 40% of our ice has melted & the rest will be gone in a decade. Really? Hundreds of thousands of square miles of ice is gonna just evaporate inside of 10 years? Wow. Shit-fire! I better get Kevin Costner’s “Waterworld” boat ready for action, ‘cause we’s abouts to be submerged!

Recently Kevin Anderson, the director of the Tyndall Center for Climate Change (a key player in the Climate Research Unit scandal), was quoted as saying that only 10% of humanity will survive global warming. I guess that’ll be the 10% who get rich off the 90% they scammed into destitution. Another alleged climate expert, Rajendra Pachauri, was quoted as saying that the Western Lifestyle is unsustainable.

Ahhh, there we go. There’s the crux of it. Everyone hates the fact that in the West, i.e.: America, you can drive where you want, when you want, and buy what you want, because we’re an industrialized, developed world leader, and everyone else wants us to ride donkeys and eat tree bark.

Even the BBC has lost its mind, reporting that: "Climate 'Is a Major Cause' of Conflict in Africa,” stating that "Climate has been a major driver of armed conflict in Africa, research shows - and future warming is likely to increase the number of deaths from war." Total bollocks!

Tell you what, Beebs…most of Africa has been trying to kill each since the first over-developed super-chimp named Australopithecus picked up a rock & bashed his neighbor in the grape, if for no other reason than the neighbor had something he wanted. As many as a million Rwandans have been killed in Hutu-vs.-Tutsi genocide, and that had nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with political ideology. The situation in the Congo, where up to four million have died in their never-ending series of civil wars, ethnic cleansings, and mass rapes, has nothing to do with whether or not it’s cold out and everything to do with gold, diamonds, and political corruption.

Grow up; occasionally a person will snap on a hot day & commit a violent act but people willingly & gleefully kill each other for power, wealth, and that all-time favorite, religion. Millions did not die in The Crusades over Climate Change. Millions did not die at the hands of Hitler because of the weather. The Khmer Rouge in Cambodia didn’t execute a vast segment of their population over whether or not a glacier was melting. Mass graves all throughout Serbia, Croatia, and Bosnia were not filled by folks not driving a hybrid. Global Warming didn’t fly planes into the World Trade Center.

Gold. Diamonds. Oil. Power. Religion. Greed. Corruption. Not the weather…

How can you say that, Steve? We have to stop Greenhouse Gases!!!!!

Yeah, sure. I’m all in favor of clean air and less industrial pollution. But let’s take a look at Greenhouse Gases, shall we? You Global Warming Fucksticks want to tax me on carbon dioxide and expect me to buy you off so you can plant a tree to offset my crimes? Dude, trees need carbon dioxide to make oxygen via photosynthesis, don’t they? I inhale their oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide, and they take my carbon dioxide and make oxygen. Circle of life, no? You fruitbags seem to forget that the most abundant of the greenhouse gases is…..water vapor. Yeah, plain old water vapor and ya’ll say it’ll kill us all….and all the while you want me to drive around in a car powered by a wee little hydrogen bottle….a hydrogen bottle that emits…say it with me now, kids….water vapor. That makes perfect sense.

But what about the polar bears? We have to save the polar bears!

Oh, yes…the polar bears. Every few weeks someone brings up the polar bears, whether it be to say the bears are all starving, or the bears are eating their babies, or the bears are drowning, or the bears are all already dead, or there’ll be bears killing and eating pedestrians in Central Park any second now due to a lack of food. People, wake up. Polar bears, and many other creatures, often kill their young, or the offspring of rivals. When a new male lion takes over a pride, it generally kills the cubs off to repopulate with his own seed. No one blames that on Global Warming. And I’m pretty damned sure that greenhouse gases didn’t cause my hamster to eat its babies when I was 7 years old. Last I read, the polar bear population was up almost 25% from their levels in the 1950’s. Pick a new animal to lie about, shitheads. You folks just keep perpetuating that image that polar bears are small & cute & cuddly, and they go sledding & drink Cokes with their babies at Christmas time. But polar bears are huge and vicious and have no qualms about eating you. Besides, fewer polar bears means more baby harp seals to club!

Isn’t it a bit ironic that we’ve got 2/3 of the country buried under a foot of snow, 2 weeks before winter officially arrives, and Al Gore’s over in Koobenhoggin charging idiots a thousand bucks apiece to get a picture taken with him in the Holy Name of Global Warming? But would we expect any less from the inventor of the Interwebz?

Stay tuned for my own Global Warming Solution, coming soon….

No more water vapor!


Snarky Basterd said...

I listened to Zero's smug speech in Gropenhagen yesterday and then saw he won an accord with a whopping 5 of 193 countries and just laughed and laughed and laughed my ass off at the brazen lunacy he passes off as accomplishment.

Krystal said...

Again, you've hit several nails on the head with just ONE amazing post!

So I'm thinking, I have 36 acres and LOTS and LOTS of trees. Do I get FREE carbon credits for each one? And when the electric company comes in and takes their 20feet on either side of the power line that doesn't even run to my house and just clears, do they now have to PAY me for said trees? But if they down the trees and we chop them up for our wood burning stove, do we get credit for recycling the trees? If a tree goes down during a storm, can I declare it a loss on my taxes?

Oh, the questions that swirl in my head ...