Sunday, September 13, 2009

An open letter to Maureen Dowd

Hi, Maureen.

I just finished reading your opinion piece in the New York Times online.
I don’t make it a habit to read The Times, but I was told of your piece by a friend.

I just wanted to cordially invite you down here to South Carolina so you can enjoy some of our fine Southern hospitality. After all, the Queen City of Charleston, only 45 miles from my door, is always touted worldwide as being a friendly and polite city. In fact, it was voted the most polite city in America for at least ten years in a row by USA Today. Come sample our great weather, our fine cuisine, our charming antebellum homes, our beaches, and our warm smiles.

And then, get your ass out of here and go home, and please, screw off. I mean that in the nicest way possible.

See? I didn’t even use the F-word, like I so dearly wanted to.

Is it any wonder people here don’t like Yankees? I’ve lived here for almost 9 years now and finally consider it home, and started calling my neighbors “my fellow Carolinians” instead of just “these people here”, and the locals consider me one of them now too. Madam, I was born in Washington, DC, like yourself, and most recently lived in Maine before coming to South Carolina. I have lived amongst the Yankee-est of Yankees for a goodly portion of my 40 years.

Even the White House is distancing itself from your trash. Race-baiting might get you readership amongst the Liberals in New York and Chicago and Los Angeles and San Francisco and Washington and Mecca’s Vineyard, but down here, and in the hearts of true American patriots, it gets you a fine view of our middle fingers.

You see, true American patriots, whether we be Southerners, Northerners, Midwesterners, etc aren’t calling out the Obama administration because we’re racists. Sweetheart, we’re way above such chicanery. We’re simply refusing to accept the socialization and bankrupting of America.

In nine short months, Obama and his minions have unraveled a nation that took 233 years to form. They’ve nationalized the auto industry. They’ve nationalized the banking industry. They’ve nationalized the mortgage industry. They’ve bankrupted children who won’t be born yet for a hundred years paying the trillions in bailouts and pork and graft. They’re trying to nationalize health care. They think illegal aliens are heroes. They play the race card all too often. They free terrorists from Gitmo to kill again and want to empty it completely. They continue to suck Saudi Arabia’s teat for oil rather than let us drill our own. They keep sniveling about Global Warming when it’s been proven to be a tax scam. They hide behind their Hollywood mansion gates and say the government was behind 9-11. They funnel billions to ACORN so that they can stuff ballot boxes, commit large-scale voter-registration fraud, and help people defraud the IRS and other government agencies.

And, by God, we have had enough.

The mainstream Liberal media is content to say that the crowds who gathered yesterday to protest this regime numbered barely in the tens of thousands. You make it sound like it was a small gaggle of crackpots and kooks and nothing to report about, when even the British media is reporting the crowd in DC alone to be near 2 million. Add to that peaceful 2 million the thousands upon thousands at rallies in cities across this great nation, and you don’t have an angry mob, you have a movement.

A movement to take back our country from the people you pander to.

Perhaps you owe the good people of South Carolina, and of every other state in this glorious Union, an apology yourself? We’re waiting…

Mojo Steve
The Lightning Man
Sub-rural South by God Carolina.


LL said...

Insensibly, the liberals have to tag anyone who presents an argument they have no answer to as "racist".

My answer to Ms. Dowd is, "my dear, you are so confused." She can no longer tell up from down. She must deny that two million (give or take) people showed up at Dear Leader's home to take home the point, therefore the 20,000 people who showed up were racists.

Ms. Dowd, you need an early retirement. Maybe you and Slow Joe Biden can share the same room at "the home", eat your oatmeal in the morning and rant to each other. Your confusion has made you unqualified to comment on the season of the year.

Anonymous said...

Steve, I'm only sad that someone like Dowd would never ever make an attempt to visit or converse with hicks and bumpkins.

You made the point beautifully, and your fans are inspired my your intensity.

Soloman said...

F-ing' A Right, Steve.

As a transplanted Arizonan who moved here from the north, and suffers from the same "he's a racist" rhetoric because I'm white and do not approve of the takeover of America by Socialists and am deeply concerned about our porous border, I applaud you and your well thought out sentiments.

I don't give a rat's fat backside about the color of anyone's skin. I just want our nation to be free and safe, and I want the best and brightest WHO BELIEVE IN OUR CONSTITUTION AND ALL WE STAND FOR to be elected.

Seems that's become un-American as of late, but I for one am not going to take it anymore.

Great letter.

Sue said...


Fantastic letter! Thanks for giving her what we all want her to have.

KUDOS and may I borrow your post (with credit, of course)?

After my heartbreaking Bengals loss today, I can go to be with a smile on my face after reading this...

Z said...

OH, i like Calvin even MORE now!
could you BELIEVE what that (&#@$(*&@$# said about Wilson?
I'd better not write more......

Steve: The Lightning Man said...

Feel free, Sue! I spent all weekend hrowing bricks through Liberal windows, and my arm's tired. Anyone who wants to pick up a brick for me while I catch my breath is welcome! And you know what makes a Bengals loss hurt less? A shopping trip to Jungle Jim's!

And Z...I usually detest the "Peeing Calvin" cartoons, as I have always been a huge Calvin & Hobbes fan and I know that Bill Watterson hates those bootlegged unauthorized cartoons. But sometimes, when you're in a fight, you resort to unconventional tactics and weapons you normally might not use.

Snarky Basterd said...

You know...she's on blogger, here. I think everyone should leave her a choice comment and link back to this piece.

Candle said...

Well said, and can I get an "Amen"? I think she's more into clever writing than intelligent writing.

Libertarian Advocate said...

Dr. Dave... What's that, a bit of shameless self promotion?

WomanHonorThyself said...

love it..just got back from SC..loved every minute my friend>:)

Anonymous said...

Great letter. MoDo has completely jumped the shark this time!

[Hey, Steve, do you know my Dad out there in Podunksville? I am on to you, I think, haha! Otherwise I'd be shocked you know about Jungle Jim's.]

Steve: The Lightning Man said...

Jungle Jim's is an institution!

My step dad is from Middletown, Ohio. When he first retired from the Navy, my folks lived out there for about 4 years before they decided to move to Charleston, SC. They really liked it when they were stationed in Charleston and opted to come back.

My last trip to Jungle Jim's was in 1999. They move shortly thereafter, and I ended up leaving Maine & moving to Charleston myself in October 2000. I now live in a small town about 40 miles west of Charleston.

No trip to greater Cincinatti is complete without a foray to JJ's.

Anonymous said...

Oh, so this is just coincidence. My Dad also lives in SC, around the Clemson area, in a small town he affectionately refers to as 'Podunksville'. There is a small group of people there from the Cincinnati area. He mentions my humble blog to everyone. I thought there was a connection. Sometimes it really is a small world, other times it only seems that way.

Last time we were at JJs, the kids got cheddar cheese flavored dried mealy worms and spicy dried crickets. (They are boys, obviously.) Their friends were greatly impressed.

Steve: The Lightning Man said...

Small world, huh?

Back when we were in the Army together at Fort Riley, fellow blogger JSUMM used to rip the back legs off grasshoppers and eat them raw for 20 bucks.

We were young & foolish.

Anonymous said...

She is so mind-blowingly stupid that I can barely comprehend it.

k6whp said...


You snagged the picture of Menopausal Modo! I remember this from the 2004 campaign. There was a big rage going on over on Blogs for Bush. If you look closely at those hideous high heels, you will see that they are enourmous! We calculated that they were at least size 11..

..and probably larger!

Steve: The Lightning Man said...

She just looked so damnably smug and snobby in that pic that it simply screamed for being used in this post.