Sunday, September 30, 2007

All I Wanted Was Some Yogurt!!!

Would somebody tell me, please, I beg, what the hell happenned to the state of YOGURT while my back was turned? I went to get myself a couple cups today for upcoming breakfasts, and I was freakin’ LOST.

It’s been a few years since I bought yogurt on a regular basis, and I’ve always been pretty simple & basic in what I like. I want an 8-ounce cup of fruit-on-the-bottom, preferably blueberry, peach, or raspberry, maybe even pineapple or just plain old vanilla now & again. That’s not too much to ask, or so I thought.

Somewhere along the way, yogurt cups shrank in size as the price went up. They used to be four for a buck….Now, some of the ones I saw today were 89 cents apiece, and that was cheap in some cases. Most every cup I saw was now a shrunken 6 ounces or a shriveled and paltry 4 ounces. That’s what, two spoonfuls? What the hell kind of snack is that, let alone a serious breakfast?

It’s nigh on impossible to find fruit on the bottom anymore. Everything is swirled and blended and chunk-free. I want chunks. I want real fruit. I wanna mix it up at my own discretion.

The other impossibility is in finding something that isn’t “Lite”. Screw Lite. That’s devilry and pure crap, because it means artificial sweeteners like Aspartame and Splenda, both of which taste like pure, 100% unadulterated ass. A little sugar and real fruit makes all the difference.

All the labels are full of pretty, polysyllabic healthy-sounding words like probiotic, imunitas, Activ, Lactobacillus acidophilus and Lactobacillus reuteri, DHA, Omega-3, bifidas, and other such gobbledygook. I just want an 8-ounce cup of stir-me-up-and-eat-me-real-fruit-non-lite-full-sugar-and-carbs non pro-anything yogurt. Please.

I don’t want to be assaulted with reminders of how healthy it is, because I already know that it’s good for me. Even when it has the sugar and lacks all that 12-letter mumbojumbo biology-class crappage, it’s STILL good for you. I don’t need blended, whipped, Swiss-Style, Mousse, Lite, etc all in a wee plastic shotglass. I’m about to just go get one of those monster 2-pound buckets of plain yogurt and spoon in a jar of Polaner All-Fruit raspberry jam……


jms1 said...

not to burst your bubble, but "lactobacillus acidophilus" is a form of yeast- if that wasn't in there, it wouldn't be yogurt to start with.

other than that, i do agree with the rest of what you're saying- especially with the packages getting smaller. just imagine, in a few years you'll be able to buy a four-pack for $10... of course that'll be four eyedroppers full.

Steve: The Lightning Man said...

Then dammit, they should call it Yogurt Seeds and not some 12-letter Latin deriviative....HAH!

Liz Dwyer said...

LOL! What happened to yogurt? The diet industry happened, that's what. Women have been convinced that one of those teeny packages of yogurt equals a delicious snack or meal. I think it's all marketed to dieting women -- which is most women most of the time.