Monday, September 10, 2007

The Titanic of Awards Shows: The 2007 VMA's

The Britney Train may have finally derailed, live on TV.

With nothing better to do, I popped on the MTV Video Music Awards while I was working. The VMA’s are a bit of a joke now, really, since eMpTyVee quite playing videos a LONG time ago. (

The show started with Mizz Britney Spears “singing” her newest stripper anthem, titled “Gimme More”. It was possibly the worst lip-sync I’ve ever seen her do. And it was done without even any pretense of being sung live, since all she did was gyrate poorly and look mildly confused, with only a tiny microscopic headset on as in her previous fake performances. In comparison, Chris Brown’s lip-sync was better, as was his dancing.

It was sad, yet funny. Then again, I’m not a very nice man. It set the stage for a truly lousy show. I mean, it was worse than usual.

Before the show, Kanye West, who has a new album set to be released Tuesday, whined and bitched about not being asked to open the show, stating that Britney hasn’t had a hit in years, and that maybe his skin color wasn’t right. Oh please…shut the fuck up, Kanye. 90% of what MTV and MTV2 plays (when they do play videos at all) is rap and black artists, so quit trying to play the race card like an asshole. You still got to perform halfway through the show, and it wasn’t all that, trust me.

Asked what he thought of Britney Spears, Foo Fighters' Dave Grohl said:"You know those things that you put batteries in and they just vacuum the floor without anyone touching them? That's what I think of Britney Spears."

My award for quote of the night goes to Justin Timberlake, who came out onstage with Tim “Timbaland” Mosely. The back of Tim’s head looks like a pack of Ballpark franks, but he’s so damned talented. Justin told MTV’s executives that he wanted to challenge MTV to play more videos. Then he was whisked away by bodyguards and disappeared, probably out of embarrassment at having once banged Spears and then looking at her now. He bailed before anyone could ask him what he thought, no doubt.

Linkin Park gave a spirited performance of “Bleed It Out”, with Chester Bennington screaming like a cat in heat and Mike Shinoda getting his opening rap bleeped out a few times. They sounded a lot better than Fallout Boy, who sounded like a karaoke band that needed to be beaten with lead pipes. But holy crap, I learned a brand new respect for System of a Down, who performed a great cover of Dead Kennedy’s classic anthem “Holiday In Cambodia” for about 30 seconds before MTV cut to a commercial.

The best part of the whole show was the trailer for the movie “Dragon Wars”, followed by the trailer for “Beowulf”. It hit a new low when the now infamously stupid Miss Teen South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton, further embarrassed the state I live in with incoherent idiocy playing up on her abysmal interview during the Miss Teen USA Pageant. MTV was really hoping that this years’ VMA show wouldn’t suck. They cut it from 3 hours to 2, and concentrated more on performances than actual awards, possibly because they don’t actually PLAY videos. They should have changed the name to the MTV Overhyped Lame Performances Show… Oh well, MTV…you still suck. Follow Justin’s advice before you’re as washed up as Britney, bitches.

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